NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

What are you looking for in next relationship?
Simple for me :someone like NC as he ticked all the boxes but SINGLE .

And it's not easy to find..try to find someone tall, goodlooking, sporty, educated, intelligent, wellmannered, highearner With very comfy lifestyle AND single?
Good ones are taken..
I might have to compromise on a LOT in order to get into new relationship but would it be worth it..

belonger Yes thanks for the chemistry article - with me and NC it was instant sexual chemistry /attraction as well as personality attraction and feelings grew from that bonding . In other aspects, our life attitudes were total opposites . Of course you tell yourself it is OK - "opposites attract " blah blah but I knew even then that he would be a bastard to have a normal relationship with after all look at what he was doing to his "partner ".

myrelationship I don't think anyone here is trying to fix anyone and even though we are all in the same or similar boats the support of others has been crucial to me . The very fact that I know that I am not the only one and can say the most ridiculous thing on here is huge e.g. saying that I get comfort from seeing him online on WhatsApp . My friends would think I was mad !

bloody I def think that sometimes 'chemistry' can be a bad sign, like we can be drawn to people and assume it's because we are meant to be together or something, when actually it's some toxic connection or unfinished business from the past. There's no way I could see myself having a happy relationship with my NC guy long term, it could only ever be a fling because we were so different in so many ways. But the chemistry was so powerful it was ridiculous.

I was thinking yesterday that it's like food. I decided many years ago that I just can't have biscuits or chocolate in the house because I can't resist them but they are not good for me. It's a shame and I've tried to overcome it, but my biscuit craving is just not worth the effort so I just avoid them. Same with my NC guy, I just can't be in contact with him without getting involved with something that isn't good for me. He's a human version of chocolate digestives, in many ways it's no more complicated than that!

Really glad you can look forward to the show now my. Interesting about the group, do you think you'll go again?

I don’t think so. I felt like a fraud being there because it seems to be an add-on to people suffering from addiction issues, so my common or garden heartbreak just felt really petty in comparison. They say the only pre-requisite to joining is that you want better relationships but I feel like the venting and sense of community that I would get there, I can get on here with added cheerleading!

Hello everyone..
First chance I have had to post today. Been manic with work and picked my new mini Cooper up today!! I am going to the gym now but will catch up with everyone this evening. I had a good morning text for the first time today... So I sent him a photo of the new car and have heard nothing since... I am beginning to wonder if he sent it in error? Anyway look forward to catching up properly later.... You know what it's actually becoming part of my routine now

Evening all, I agree about this thread becoming part of my routine. Even if i had seen my NC that day we would still text a fair bit. My lookalike text me every day for 3 months. I really miss texting one of them in the evening. Sounds silly. But... I.come on here instead to all you lovelies.
Congrats on car seshi
myrelationship glad you checked out the group. We're they more friendly than on the phone?

What a strange thing to ask? What do I want help with? The same damn thing everyone is wanting help with on this thread!!!! Moving on!!!!

@anxious that's exactly what I do... My NC used to text me and call me every day since April and I miss it.... If it wasn't for you lovelies it would be even harder than it is. Its like going to the pub in the evening for a girly catch up!

Oldbrook definitely defriend.

Am going to read the chemistry article now but am wondering about it and whether chemistry is enough. I don't think it is

Great news about the car seshi .Hope you get a lot of fun out of it .

oldbrook I know what you mean - I hate it when NC hasn't been on for several hours but then I used to be like that before so what's new .

Like you I am a bit glum today but I saw my friend at lunchtime who was my big support with him so it is inevitable that talk turns to him . I shed a tear in the car on the way home. I think I will have to say that he is "off topic " now like belonger's choc digestives off the menu. I have been checking WhatsApp endlessly today but as long as I don't send a message then that is OK.

Congratulations on your fab new car seshi! What colour is it?

This is part of my routine too, I love catching up with everyone and welcoming new folks. I've had a better day, kept busy and haven't been tempted to contact at all. It's hard when I'm in certain parts of town because I could bump into him, and of course I both want to and don't want to. I'm really looking forward to the point when I don't even think about the possibility! Roll on indifference!

Oh and yes this is my support to keep me going - check first thing in the morning and last thing at night ( and in between ) It's like turning up at Weight watchers . I need that communal support !

Sorry you're a bit glum oldbrook, that second wave of sadness at the letting go of hope. I think you're amazing, you've come so far since you first started this and provided somewhere for us all to come together. You are going to be unstoppable with your crown and your new boundaries, once you've got through this spell of grieving.

Evening all. Congrats on the new car Seshi , very jealous! have heard nothing since... I am beginning to wonder if he sent it in error? the callousness that they will dip in and out of your life without any regard for what that does to you emotionally makes me so sad. We're such caring people here, with a lot of love to give and these assclowns don't deserve the head space they take up.

Bloody , it's ok to have a sniff of the chocolate digestives and remember why you liked them occasionally! It's all part of the process.

Oldbrook , yes the realisation that hope is gone, it's just getting on with the hard bit now. We're all here I have the little list as a sticky on my laptop at the moment, to help me remember why I'm doing this.

What a strange thing to ask? What do I want help with? The same damn thing everyone is wanting help with on this thread!!!! Moving on!!!! I think the thing is though Mother , some people are using the 30 days to give themselves a break and hope that the other person sees what they're missing. Some are taking calls/messages but not being the one to instigate. Some of us are adamant that there should be no further relationship and just trying to silence any and all communication for our own wellbeing. There are different ways to approach the NC thing and different outcomes we are all looking for. If moving on for you means not thinking about, missing or wanting that person

oops forgot the end of that sentence. Anyway, you get the idea!

@my hi thank you... My car is lovely... It's such a treat for myself. I have had one more message... Very short commenting on the car.. It does make me sad... I would and did give him my world but he obviously no longer wants it. I agree with you about this thread... We have all started or needed to do no contact but as @oldbrook wisely said quite near the beginning it never goes in a straight line. I think the upshot and link with all of us is that we all want to be stronger... We try, we stumble, we put our crowns on again. We have good days and bad days... We make good choices and we make bad ones. But we don't judge on this thread... And that's what I love 😍

I’m not waivering in NC but he is always in my head! I am so sad it didn’t work out, but going NC is the only way to go. He may, just may, get in touch, and if it’s going to work he has to be the one to come back. If I persuade him to give it another go, he’ll just be off again next time it gets tricky! So NC all the way, probably for ever (well 30 days, maybe...)

And yes, I like this thread as a place to just vent how I’m feeling, knowing people understand.

My thankful desktop to try and make me think positive along with my NC sticky - thank you for the inspiration!

Ooh congrats on the car Seshi it sounds fab!

Another horrible day in work here. Wish I could disappear somewhere warm for 6 months

@nk sending you some sunshine ☀... Off to read DS a story then back for a proper catch up x

my I was wondering what your list on your laptop said . Reminded me a bit of my fridge list . Going to do this too I think !!