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Original poster

To resent my boyfriend due to his career choice?

124 replies

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:24

When i first met him, he worked in an office, he was doing well and i presumed he would remain in that kind of environment. As the relationship went on, his boredom of the work place was evident and several jobs later I find myself writing this. His latest job is one I am not at all happy with, he is now a doorman at bars/clubs. He accepted two jobs yesterday so he is bound to get a lot of work and im happy that he is perusing something he is interested in. However I am not an idiot, my boyfriend is ridiculously good looking, im not saying that because I am biased either, I see girls look at him and he has got with a lot of girls before me. Even his interviewer yesterday said as one of his good qualities before hiring him that he is attractive. I just can't stand the thought of me sleeping in bed at night whilst my boyfriend is out in a club getting hit on by girls thinking its cute to flirt with the bouncer -I've seen plenty in my lifetime- It just makes me sad. I dont want this to break us up at all, I just can't help but have a stereotype of how a lot of bouncers are that ive came across and how the girls have been with them. AIBU or do I have a right to be a bit upset by the idea of it?

OP posts:
RusholmeRuffian · 02/03/2018 19:31

You either trust him or you don't. If you don't, there's no point being together.

Whydomypubeslooklikeanest · 02/03/2018 19:37

Yabu. If he is a decent guy then a million women could hit on him and he would decline. If he isn't a decent guy then you shouldn't be with him anyway.

My boyfriend does security work as well and, quite frankly, we laugh about the things that happen to him at work.

I guess it boils down to trust.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:39

It’s not that I don’t trust him I just don’t like the idea of girls half naked hitting on him. I just don’t feel comfortable him putting himself in a situation where it’s inevitable, I feel he would be the same if I started working as a table girl in a club

OP posts:
Iwantamarshmallow · 02/03/2018 19:40

My DP was perfect untill the day he started work as a door man. I begged him not to take the job as I knew the majority of the doorman at that club were having sex with customers regularly.
He changed almost over night. He just became a complete bastard. One night he came home with lipstick on his junk ,I was assulted by his other woman more than once and underwear was left in my bed. I later found out he'd had sex with 15 different woman in 2/3 years. I often wondered what my life would be like now if he had not have taken that job. I'm sure not all door man are like this but having worked in bars/clubs for 5 yrs I've only met a handful who arnt. I think the job attracts a certain kind of man.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:42

Maybe I am a little crazy, it’s always been a problem of mine since I had an ex who in the end I found out cheated on me with 7 girls ( could be more, that’s how many I know of). I haven’t let my past experiences affect this relationship as I do trust my boyfriend, I just am a bit wary of things that put me in a vulnerable situation. Like I say, it’s not that I believe he will run off with one of these girls, I know he won’t. It just personally makes me feel like a bit of an idiot if every weekend Im lying there unaware some drunk girls are trying to get my boyfriend to go home with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:44

@iwantamarshmellow oh my gosh that’s awful :(

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 19:48

My husband is the Gm of a night club (would be your BF boss) I've watched girls rub their tits on him for free entry. He's repulsed by them. We have many laughs about it.
Yes women will hit on him. You either trust him or you don't.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/03/2018 19:53

You sound like you're in need of a massive grip that you should hang on to for dear life.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:55

@taylor22 I honestly wish I could be like you and laugh about that ! :( maybe I’ve got issues deep down but that would really upset me, I don’t know how to change my mentality

OP posts:
Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:56

@VladmirsPoutine am I that bad haha, makes me feel a bit better to hear that I’m just being silly

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 02/03/2018 19:57

YANBU to be upset.

A close family member of mine has been a doorman for 15 years.

Sex at work is the norm in this industry.

My family member and his colleagues regularly fuck girls in the first aid room of the clubs.

Sorry but they're not exactly doing the job for the pay and conditions are they?

I don't believe the large majority of men wouldn't be tempted and eventually give in to no strings sex with virtually no chance of partner at home ever finding out.

You are right to be concerned.

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 02/03/2018 19:58

@marshmelloe please tell me he's your ex dp Sad

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 20:01

@failingat40 seriously? :/ what would you recommend I do

OP posts:
Olicity17 · 02/03/2018 20:04

I wouldn't date a door man. At all. I have known alot through work and all of them cheated on their OHs.

One even felt his wife should be grateful he only ever snogged and 'fingered' women but never had sex with them.

I just know i would feel insecure and so wouldnt date someone who did this job.

Sarahplane · 02/03/2018 20:04

Iwantamarshmallow my ex h was similar. seemed like the perfect most guy with the utmost respect for women (or at least put on a good act) until he became a doorman. After a while became obsessed with porn, especially porn involving passed out drunk women being assaulted, or other unsuspecting women. He ended up putting explicit photos of me online without my knowledge and then cheated on me with someone he met at work.

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 20:05

The doorman I know do do it for the pay.
Our head doorman was on £12ph.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/03/2018 20:06

You're not being "silly". It's a case of driving yourself mad with the 'what-ifs'. That way madness lies. You know that.

Sarahplane · 02/03/2018 20:06

not everyone is like that but there is a definite culture to that type of work.

AlwaysPondering · 02/03/2018 20:08

Yea tbh I wouldn't like this and I know of not one friend who would. Guess we're all crazy. No wonder we're friends.

PsychedelicSheep · 02/03/2018 20:10

There’s basically nothing you can do except like it or lump it unfortunately. You can’t tell him what jobs he can and can’t do. I’ve worked in many bars and most of the doormen were lovely respectful family men. As pp have said, either you can trust him or you can’t.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 02/03/2018 20:13

If it isn’t working for you anymore then it is what it is: over. Sorry Sad

SmallBlondeMama · 02/03/2018 20:16

Nope. Not my kind of lifestyle. Goodbye

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 20:20

I feel a bit down now knowing that some of you agree with me, if I tell him not to he’ll just fall out with me :(

OP posts:
Movingonwithouthim · 02/03/2018 20:23

Are women really interested in men who work on the doors of clubs - is there some kind of status thing I’m missing? I don’t even give them a second look as I walk into a club!

HyenaHappy · 02/03/2018 20:23

It’s not that I don’t trust him I just don’t like the idea of girls half naked hitting on him

But if you trust him it shouldn’t matter. They can flirt all they want, if he’s a loyal boyfriend then he won’t cheat.

You need to decide if you trust him. If you do, let him get on with his job and, in the nicest possible way, get a grip of your paranoia and jealousy.

If you don’t trust him then your relationship is probably hard work and unlikely to last so just end it.

Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship.

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