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Original poster

To resent my boyfriend due to his career choice?

124 replies

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:24

When i first met him, he worked in an office, he was doing well and i presumed he would remain in that kind of environment. As the relationship went on, his boredom of the work place was evident and several jobs later I find myself writing this. His latest job is one I am not at all happy with, he is now a doorman at bars/clubs. He accepted two jobs yesterday so he is bound to get a lot of work and im happy that he is perusing something he is interested in. However I am not an idiot, my boyfriend is ridiculously good looking, im not saying that because I am biased either, I see girls look at him and he has got with a lot of girls before me. Even his interviewer yesterday said as one of his good qualities before hiring him that he is attractive. I just can't stand the thought of me sleeping in bed at night whilst my boyfriend is out in a club getting hit on by girls thinking its cute to flirt with the bouncer -I've seen plenty in my lifetime- It just makes me sad. I dont want this to break us up at all, I just can't help but have a stereotype of how a lot of bouncers are that ive came across and how the girls have been with them. AIBU or do I have a right to be a bit upset by the idea of it?

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 20:29

Are women really interested in men who work on the doors of clubs - is there some kind of status thing I’m missing? I don’t even give them a second look as I walk into a club!

Yes yes they really do. What some women will do for free entry is disturbing.

And yes Op. Many doorman I know have had sec with customers in the cloakroom. Some had partners. But many many others are in long term committed relationships.
One of our doorman has one of the best relationships I've ever seen.

For me men who want to cheat decide to become doorman because they see it as easy access.
Not all men who decide to become doorman cheat.

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 20:34

I just feel insecure because I hate the idea of girls coming on to him, although I know he will reject them. I also feel I won’t see him since I work in the day time mon-fri and he’ll most likely be working weekends, feel we’ll never spend a proper evening together

OP posts:
HyenaHappy · 02/03/2018 20:41

I just feel insecure because I hate the idea of girls coming on to him

That must be horrible to feel like that but if he’s trustworthy then you need to work on your insecurity.

feel we’ll never spend a proper evening together

I think this sounds like a reasonable concern, what does your boyfriend say about that?

I’m so sorry about all your miscarriages, I e been there and it’s very painful.

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 20:47

I understand how that would be hard.
But you can laugh about it.

When a 50 year old in a mini skirt that's multiple sizes to small proportions him in a graphic way all you can do it laugh.

I'd say a very small portion of those who do the falling over the door team are overly attractive.

enpointeredshoes · 02/03/2018 20:52

I am a bit shocked as I don't think I have ever said more than 2 words to a doorman. ConfusedI can't believe they. are all shagging in the first aid room bleugh.

I must admit I wouldn't want to go out with a doorman and I understand your feelings totally.

So sorry about you pregnancies OP.Flowers

WTFIsThisVirus · 02/03/2018 20:53

I think your posts say more about you than they do about him.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 20:55

@WTFIsThisVirus could you elaborate

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 20:57

For real? I wouldn't date a doorman because just, it's a doorman.

Liara · 02/03/2018 20:57

The fact is, if you date an attractive guy he will be able to attract other women, whether it be in an office, at the gym or in a club.

You either have to trust him that he doesn't want them and wants you, or you shouldn't be dating him.

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who only wanted to be with me because he couldn't get anyone else, so women fawning over dh has never bothered me.

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2018 20:58

I think your posts say a lot about you as well; you seem quite insecure and jealous..

Just because a girl flirts with your boyf doesn't mean he's going to cheat. If you trust him then this shouldn't be an issue.

WTFIsThisVirus · 02/03/2018 21:00

I think you sound very insecure, and possibly have very low self esteem. Your first thought was that women would hit on him.

My first thought would be to worry that he might get in a fight, or to worry about him having to break up fights. But that would be due to my own experiences of clubbing. I clubbed a lot in Croydon, which pretty much has a constant police presence on Friday and Saturday nights.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 21:03

Sorry for your losses, but why are you TTC with this 'boyfriend' you feel insecure with? Sounds like a recipe for winding up a lone parent with a child fathered by a baby daddy. Can't imagine a doorperson being a stable profession with loads of career progression.

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:04

Movingonwithouthim

Thanks for posting that as I was wondering the same. What on earth is the attraction with a door man? If he was your surgeon, I may be able to comprehend, but some ordinary geezer who has completed a three day SIA course??? Before anyone attacks me for being a snob, you're wrong, as my job is equally unimpressive. Surgeon, fireman, I can understand. What is the attraction of a security officer?

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 21:06

'What on earth is the attraction with a door man? If he was your surgeon, I may be able to comprehend, but some ordinary geezer who has completed a three day SIA course??? Before anyone attacks me for being a snob, you're wrong, as my job is equally unimpressive. Surgeon, fireman, I can understand. What is the attraction of a security officer?'

This.

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:06

@expatinscotland he said eventually he wants to go back into the army. We’ve been having the pregnancies when he’s been in other office jobs
@shoxfordian don’t mean to come across that way:/ maybe I am I don’t know

OP posts:
Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:07

FYI I don’t see the attraction of doorman either I’ve just seen a lot of girls throw themselves at doormen and had a lot try come on to me when I’ve been out with the girls, never understood it

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 21:10

Yeah, but right now, he's a doorman, Katie. Seriously, don't you want to be in an actual career and with someone who's the same and on the same page, to have a child? Not some unstable job as a doorman at a club with vague plans to do something else eventually. He sounds too immature to be having a child, and I saw that as someone who was 31 when I married 24-year-old DH and we had a child the following year.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/03/2018 21:13

To be frank you don't sound ready for anything. You sound like you're in that phase of still learning difficult life lessons. Sometimes there are things we have to learn the hard way.

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 21:14

Is he just being a doorman?

Almost all the doorman I know just use it as night work but have a day job. Scaffolder, plumber, electrician etc etc.

Is he going to be doing something else?

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2018 21:14

I understand why you'd feel that way if your ex cheated Katie but if you don't trust your boyf now then it'll cause problems between you.

Try thinking of all these girls who want him but you're the one he's going home to; feel sorry for anyone flirting with him if you can because he's your man and nothing's going to happen.

Ubercorn87 · 02/03/2018 21:15

Plenty more fish....

Blokeworld262 · 02/03/2018 21:16

my wife went out with the owner of a club for a few years in her youth and based on some of the stories she has told me, you are right to be worried !

Original poster
Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:17

You’ve all brought up valid points I didn’t even know what salary they’re on I’m new to the job I have no idea what kind of money they got I don’t know, he hasn’t started it yet

OP posts:
Hotdoggity · 02/03/2018 21:18

I think people saying that it wouldn’t be an issue if you trusted him are being a little unfair.

I trust my OH. But could there be a perfect storm of events that might one day lead him to cheat? Yeah, probably. It happens. I’m not going to get obsessive about damage prevention on that but at the same time, I wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of him entering into a job like this. There’s a new normative to certain jobs and I’d be wondering - if he doesn’t buy into all that, why does he want to be there?