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Original poster

To resent my boyfriend due to his career choice?

124 replies

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 19:24

When i first met him, he worked in an office, he was doing well and i presumed he would remain in that kind of environment. As the relationship went on, his boredom of the work place was evident and several jobs later I find myself writing this. His latest job is one I am not at all happy with, he is now a doorman at bars/clubs. He accepted two jobs yesterday so he is bound to get a lot of work and im happy that he is perusing something he is interested in. However I am not an idiot, my boyfriend is ridiculously good looking, im not saying that because I am biased either, I see girls look at him and he has got with a lot of girls before me. Even his interviewer yesterday said as one of his good qualities before hiring him that he is attractive. I just can't stand the thought of me sleeping in bed at night whilst my boyfriend is out in a club getting hit on by girls thinking its cute to flirt with the bouncer -I've seen plenty in my lifetime- It just makes me sad. I dont want this to break us up at all, I just can't help but have a stereotype of how a lot of bouncers are that ive came across and how the girls have been with them. AIBU or do I have a right to be a bit upset by the idea of it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:22

@Hotdoggity Thankyou! This is the point I’m trying to get across I do trust him I’m just not thrilled of the idea, I feel like questioning me having a baby has got nothing to do with my original post

OP posts:

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:23

I would like to reiterate that I see nothing wrong in being a door man. I'm guessing that he (or sometimes she) pays their taxes, and I respect that. However, my point still stands, I am genuinely perplexed to why being a door man is any different to being a cashier in Aldi. I mean, if you are a male cashier for Aldi, do you get women throwing themselves at you? Please, I'm not deliberately trying to be obtrusive, its just that I don't get it. I'm not saying its right, but surgeon, fireman etc, I can sort of understand. Please, is there anybody out there that could possibly explain?

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 21:25

'I feel like questioning me having a baby has got nothing to do with my original post'

It has everything to do with being in a relationship with someone who sounds terribly immature, is not in a stable job (doorman work is not) and whom you don't trust if club-go'ers fling themselves at him. Why would anyone want to bring a child into the world under such conditions? Sounds like a recipe for winding up a lone parent with a baby daddy who doesn't pay to support his child and co-parent like an adult.

Hotdoggity · 02/03/2018 21:27

Given that OP is currently going through an ectopic pregnancy, can we back off the baby stuff?

GloriousDolores · 02/03/2018 21:27

Have you told him your thoughts OP, how has he reacted to that?
You'd think he would want to be sensitive to your feelings atm...?

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:34

Hotdoggity

Given that OP is currently going through an ectopic pregnancy, can we back off the baby stuff?

Erm...no. OP volunteered information. Thanks anyway.

louise5754 · 02/03/2018 21:35

OP my husband is in the forces. If your bf did re join then you wouldn't see him much then either. Mine is away so much I do trust him but he could be anywhere in the world and I wouldn't know. I know loads of people that go out looking for soldiers. Most wouldn't stop around while they're at war 6 times in 18 years though.

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:35

@Hotdoggity Thankyou :( like I said it’s not something I even wanted to talk about in depth. I don’t see how pointing out essentially my babies would’ve been a recipe for disaster is in anyway helping my situation. It’s not relevant

OP posts:

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:36

Katiekiara

Apologies, I went off topic., I do think you should go by your gut feeling.

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 21:37

How is a doorman not a sortable job exactly?

I know someone who's been doing it 20 years.

Op this could be great for him and you. Some of my best friends are doormans and their wives.

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:37

@user1492877024 yes I gave out information thinking it would be used sensitively. I don’t need anyone on my case talking about what my babies would have been. Like I said OP was asking if anyone else would feel uncomfortable their partner having this employment, not questioning my financial ability and my boyfriends mental ability to be a parent

OP posts:

louise5754 · 02/03/2018 21:38

If the op was trying for a baby with someone that didn't work they would be moaning. Can't win!

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:38

Taylor22

Yeah right. lol.

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 21:40

Off you fuck user.

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:40

@louise5754 I’m aware it’s good he has a job, I have never said I would rather him be unemployed... I just wanted to know if anyone had been in the same situation as me and had the same reservations.

OP posts:

louise5754 · 02/03/2018 21:41

Sorry that was to the others that said they wouldn't date a doorman

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:41

@Taylor22 hopefully I’m just overthinking it all haha :) I have a habit of doing that

OP posts:

user1492877024 · 02/03/2018 21:42

Katiekiara

It would be wrong to assume that anyone working the doors is a 'rat'. However, I do think you're right to be concerned.

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 21:43

louise5754 So sorry completely misread that! My apologises, you have a point, I know of plenty who ttc when both are unemployed

OP posts:

louise5754 · 02/03/2018 21:46

Taylor22 · 02/03/2018 21:52

OP. I'm not going to minimise your worries. Especially because of your recent trauma (I'm so so sorry) but a doorman is just like any other career.
There are some good some bad and unfortunately the bad seem to be the only ones people think about.

I wouldn't rush into any decisions but just take each day at a time and see where it goes.

Ski40 · 02/03/2018 22:10

Oh OP I hear your plight and really empathise with you.
My first husband, whom I married very young, was in a band. He was also the lead singer so he got LOTS of female attention. I'm talking about girls stuffing their number in his pocket right under my nose and one particular event when a drunk woman, older than us and dressed like an absolute tart, jumped on the stage and offered to w... him off then and there, right in front of me. Did it bother me? Actually no, we used to find it pretty hilarious. I had blind trust in him and he never once failed me (our marriage ended for other reasons years later).
A few years after, I got in a relationship with another guy. He was wonderful, he even gave up his dream of joining the Army to be with me. However, a year into our relationship he started a new job. He made new friends. And almost overnight he changed. He used to get drunk, smash the house up, started taking ecstasy and cocaine and eventually cheated on me. He also beat me up once. I ended up leaving him, devastated and traumatised because I really had felt he was the love of my life. The new job, I hear you ask? It was in a factory.
What I'm getting at, is that a good guy will be loyal to you even if he works in a strip club, and the bad boy would find the way to cheat on you if he works in a nursing home.

Is your man one of the good guys? I think he is, but only you know.
Trust him and let him do his thing. If he messes up you will know he wasn't good enough. He might even get tired after a while, and he won't resent you for stopping him from doing what he wanted.
I know it will be very hard but he will love you more for showing him you trust him.
Good luck 🤞 x

Original poster

Katiekiara · 02/03/2018 22:13

@taylor22 Thankyou so much! You’re right I’ll stop stressing out haha@Ski40 wow I’m so sorry to hear your experience in that relationship, Thankyou for your advice, you have a very valid point :) made me feel a lot better x

OP posts:

Helpimfalling · 02/03/2018 22:14

@Hotdoggity someone with some feelings xx

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