Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

Bless you looking - I'd love to say that my healthier living has translated into any form of weight loss during April, but it hasn't!

I am not happy with myself. Have given myself a good talking to and restarting efforts again today. Am with you on the PMA for May!!!

One thing I have to do is to be on the scales religiously Monday to Friday otherwise I live in a bliss of denial - you can only tackle one thing at a time though I think. April was getting my booze back under control and restarting running, May will be weight-loss. I hate being this heavy - I feel and look disgusting. Anyway enough of that - onwards.

xxx

Bless looking...thank you

looking - one thing in your PP caught my eye. Your DS has lots of friends and is looking forward to celebrating with them. Try to forget the fancy parties and big lavish do. You have raised a popular, outgoing and optimistic child! Not easy task at all. Well done you and I am sure the family celebration will be wonderful too

twattage - the evenings were brilliant. The start was a bit challenging as my friends are mainly big drinkers and there was a bug group. I had to keep explaining that I wasn't drinking for the first half hour but played it cool and just said I might have a drink later. By the time later came, they wouldn't have had a clue what was in my glass anyway

The positives for me far outweighed the negative though. In terms of inspiration looking, it's very early days for me but a couple of the highlights from the weekend have strengthened my resolve:

Firstly, towards the end of the evening, I sat down for a chat with a good friend who is having a difficult time. The drunken me would have been full of terrible advice about what she should do. The sober me listened, actually properly listened. Friend called me yesterday to thank me. She said it was lovely to have someone listen without judging and telling her what she should do.

Secondly, I drove home early enough to spend the afternoon with my mum for her birthday. Drunk me wouldn't have been fit to drive, would have lied to my mum about being delayed and felt like a shit daughter for the rest of the week.

Sorry for the long post but hopefully I'll read this back one day when feeling wobbly

Ps - DP was asking me questions this morning about stopping drinking. First time he has asked seriously about cravings and how to beat them. I managed to use advice from earlier threads about how a craving doesn't last all night (this was a revelation for me) and that it passes if you don't pick up. Praying he may start to cut down but in his own time of course!

Have a great day babes xx

Morning all!

I'm sorry to say that I've not read back or caught up with anything (bad mouse) so I'm hoping that you're all as fabulous as ever?

Lots of hospital visits and consultations with new people to try and get my body sorted! It would appear that my uterus is tilted rather far back and that I've had a prolapse too! Deep abounding joy!

I'm also trying to get ready for another 5K Race For Life in aid of Cancer Research. I'm thinking that this might be the last one as it will be my 4th one! My body is rebelling already!

Nemo is going to be celebrating his 9th birthday on Wednesday! Can you believe it? I've been on the Bus right from the beginning of my pregnancy with him, so 10 years. That's flown by!

Anyway, I hope you're all well and doing good with your plan of action to stop or cut down your drinking.

Lots of love,

Mouse xxxxxxxxx

Hey everybabe, Mouse my darling, how great to hear from you - I hope the medics get you sorted soon and you enjoy the race for life.

Hmm, me - I've slipped a little,, nothing outrageous but bad habits are creeping back - it's been a very stressful period tbh and of course I know booze doesn't really help, but...

So, I need to pull myself together and get back on that wagon. Still no wine though so that's something I guess.

Bloody cold here, feels like winter is well and truly back

Hi all hope it's ok to join in. I've been drinking every night (virtually) for about 20 years, I'm desperate to stop now and for the last few weeks I've been cutting down quite a lot. Anyway after a bit of an overboard weekend I'm now feeling stressed, anxious and I've had enough. Please someone tell me it's not normal to drink a bottle of wine every night ? (I know it isn't but I seem to have normalised it iyswim) thank you!

Welcome DearCoquette well it can easily become normal. I used to drink rivers of wine, oceans - haven't had any since 30th December 2016 now aside from a champagne binge one time. Wine is a proper bitch ☺

Evening coquette - nice name :).

No it's not normal to be drinking that amount every night - I have absolutely been there any more though! Well done on the cutting down - keep going. You will be anxious because of the booze - it will go.

I too also used to drink rivers of wine in a normalised fashion - my entire life revolved around it pretty much. I haven't had any wine since 19 April 2013...

lux - totally with you there on the bad habits - constant vigilance is required. I am v grateful for having the DJ app - it is really helping me see what I'm doing.

I'm in slightly less of a huff about my weight after doing a bit of research. Apparently it is v easy to retain water and put on a few pounds when running is restarted, this is due to torn muscles and muscle weighing more than fat etc. I shall stop beating myself up as I've not actually put any weight on in the last 2 weeks. Determined to see it shifting a bit from now on!

I've had a ridiculously quiet day at home today - every job is done in the apartment. Am going to start on the tea at 5pm and I think it will be another early night, am client-side the next 3 days so this week is going to whizz by after this.

xxx

Thank you for the replies yep I've been swimming along in a river of wine for such a long time now, I'm ready to climb out and have a rest! I'm starting today and as it seems moderating doesn't work I'm going into full on stopping. I'll keep posting here, wish me luck

Welcome dearcoquette

I seem to be finding giving up completely a little easier than moderating as I'm definitely an plastered all or nothing kind of person.

I've put on weight twattage since starting running again but don't look bigger...if anything clothes fit a bit better so I'm trying not to worry too much either.

Argh that's good to know clear (well not that you've put on weight, but that I am not the only one). I've whizzed back up to running 5k in the space of two weeks - I've always run whilst losing previously so just hoping things need to bed in a bit!

Keep posting coquette. Especially if you find it difficult at the witching hour. And on that note, I'm going to go and make a cup of tea!

Stay strong all.

xxx

Well I'm here, no alcohol in the house, managed to navigate the witching hour so just about to get DD to bed then I'm going to eat lots and lots (my treat for not drinking- still don't consume as many calories as a bottle! Thanks for the warm welcome everyone

Well done coquette. I'm sitting here with an ice water rooting for you

Have a great night everyone xx

Hope Happy birthday to DS. It fascinates me a bit the idea of having an adult child. When they can have a job, get married etc. Did he have a nice day?

Twattage I don't think I should try moderating yet either. This morning I was thinking about how I could treat myself to a pack of cigs as I've broken the habit. Lunacy clearly. I think it's because my friend's invited me over for a drink next Saturday evening. I'm taking DS and my Becks Blue. My healthy living hasn't translated into weight-loss either. It's a bit depressing really.

Clear It's nice when you can take some real positives from sober weekends. I've done lots with DS on the weekends since Christmas. Museums, swimming etc. Before Christmas I'd spend at least one weekend morning day lying on the sofa or not fit to drive.

Welcome Coquette Drinking a bottle of wine a night isn't normal for most people but as Lux says you can end up making it normal.

Hello to Mouse and Lux Glad you're both still around.

I'm in bed with my book again. I don't want to go to work. I'd rather stay home and read.

Morning all - well I am still the weight as two week's last Tuesday! Grrr...I am certain the weight loss will come for all of us, just need to KOKO.

baking - glad you said that, I was a bit worried about you. Stay strong and step away from the booze and fags.

I also don't want to go to work this morning - I'm starting to get a bit bored of my contract now (I usually do one contract for around 11-12 months, then take some time out, then move on). It's been 10 months and I'm getting fed up of the 3 hours round trip to the client. My contract runs out next month so am v tempted to take the summer off!

x

Hi all - trying to cut out booze during the week. Have slipped back into nightly drinking over the last fortnight.

Need to get back on track.

Well first night done and dusted once I get past that bloody wine witching hour I find it quite easy. Woke up feeling soooo much better, anxiety reduced and just feel happier.

Sorry I shouldn't have said easy, that feels disrespectful. I meant I don't sit there wanting a drink, I can just get on with my evening.

Sorry I abandoned you all, all the usual, work, work, more work and feeling shit about letting my drinking shoot back up.

Back to square one, day one, but back on the bus . . .

And of course, Mouse if you are around when the bus needs a new thread, it's all yours, I'm just temporary custodian

Evening all - hello sweet. Clamber back on!

I've spent 5 hours in transit today due to the trains being fucked on the way home - I am not amused. Straight into PJs with tea and cat now - absolutely shattered. Am definitely not getting the early train tomorrow morning!

Not a lot else to say - not even thought about booze once today. Am definitely assimilating back into lesser drinking days again now. Am now only 9 days from evening out my dry and wet days this year - that's taken quite some clawing back from car crash Feb and March.

Night all. xxx

Thanks Clearview for your lovely comment. I am very proud of DS. Just don’t take the credit for it. I think he is maybe magically nice! Luxury nice to see you again lovely lady. Just wondering do you drink anything at all these days or is it just wine you have binned off? I think wine is the worst. And am saying that with a glass of it on the go at the moment.

Well ladies I am not doing very well on the first day of Positive Mental Attitude May. Sorry! I think DS’s 18th last night drained me, even though it went really well - it felt like a superhuman effort. So have been drinking wine this evening and skipped the gym. Which is pathetic and rubbish and will make me feel worse.

I decided to invite WB to all of DS’s birthday celebrations yesterday as a) want to do the right thing as he is DS’s dad despite the issues between them and b) don't want to create resentment which will backfire on me later. I bought DS 18 presents all numbered (from good stuff to silly joke stuff) and got a fab custom made cake and champagne. WB came round while he opened them with some small presents of his own (we are going halves on a laptop when he goes to Uni). DS’s cousins and a couple of friends came round then the 4 of us (WB, DS, DD and me) went for a meal.

There were a few awkward moments when WB made some veiled digs but I determinedly ignored it and stayed happy and we actually had a pretty good night… but ….I feel I have let the kids down by not making a better marriage and family life. Even by being an only child with older parents who were both dead by the time he was 5. I did my best, going out with friends every week, organising parties and stuff, doing the Christmases single handed and pasting a smile on and doggedly persevering with family holidays which I paid for and booked and packed for and unpacked after, despite growing evidence year after year that WB couldn’t be arsed being there.

I tried my best to be as present as I could, despite having to be at work pretty much all the fucking time as the sole earner, but could never create the warm, open home full of friends and family that I wanted for them.

Also one reason I am drinking today is that my bitch sister in law (who has always badmouthed me and bullied me since I got married 23 years ago) sent DS £100 (she can afford it, ex-husband’s money) and so he had to go round tonight to say thanks and I feel cold when I know she is near my kids. Bitching about me is one of her few hobbies and I wonder what was said. DS is too sensible to care but she is a manipulative cow and I think only wants to spend time with my kids to spite me (as the only person she actually has an interest in is herself)

I have known my marriage is bad for so long that I thought if it ended I would be immediately OK - but it is hard. Especially on occasions like an 18th. All the hopes and dreams we had when DS was born - well we fucked them up really. And I struggle doing everything on my own. Not that I got much help but at least I had someone to change lightbulbs I can’t reach and stuff. I have an appointment with my PT in the morning so NEED to stop drinking within the hour or I won’t get up. I am so up and down at the moment. Please can I start PMA May tomorrow?

Warm welcome to Coquette (if you have bothered to read this far. I am not always this boring) and Baking thank you for asking about DS and wishing him a happy birthday. I would share a photo but my posts are already outing enough. Twattage well done on evening out your wet and dry days. I haven’t tracked mine but follow a pattern - stop drinking, find it OK after day 1, get back into the gym and become more positive, then have a night of drinking (always planned and social) and often enjoy it, but feel so sad the next day I carry on for a few days. Yes, alcohol actually makes me feel sad, but I still drink it to feel better. How stupid am I?

Sweet lovely to see you again and as I am also back to square one you can sit next to me - I have leftover birthday cake

Mouse - happy birthday to Nemo. Hope he has a great time

Shall sign off now as am boring even myself! Have a good evening all. I am watching The Split at 9.00. Masochist or what? Divorce drama hardly what I need

looking your post is not boring and I hope it helped to get things off your chest a little.

It sounds like things are tough but PMA can start whenever you're ready. I have had a wobbly day today and am determined not to let this be the reason I drink, only because I know that if I do, I will pick a fight with DP! I tend to store up all the things I'm annoyed about and then throw the lot at him after a bottle glass on wine. I seem to be angry at the world today and don't need a row to make things worse!

I hope tomorrow brings something good which will cancel our some of the stress. In the meantime, take these and know I'm thinking of you xx

Well done on the dry average twattage

Hope today is going as well as yesterday coquette. Don't be sorry if you are finding it easy. It's lovely to hear

Big wave to everyone else...happy Tuesday xx

Ooh I'm watching the Split too (well not right now, I'm too tired. I just watched the last episode of the Island on catch-up).

I will report in when the days have actually evened up with a photo to prove it!

looking alcohol is a depressant so not surprised you're sad. That's why we also feel anxious. I have been known to have a major attack of paranoia as well off the back of it.

Sorry can't write more tonight. My eyes have gone squiggly. Love to all babes.

xxx

And no your post is not boring and yes you can start PMA tomorrow! TBH I am feeling rather smug as just checked in with colleague who also was stuck on train and she is on the beer and I am not! That's a turn up for all books!

xxx

Thanks again everyone (I'll learn how to respond to individual posters as I go on I promise!) well on 2nd night now and nowt stronger than lemon and lime squash on the go 👍🏻 I've started putting the fiver I would have spent on a bottle (yes I'm cheap) into my savings so I'm a tenner up already.!

Hello, day 3 here after a terrible weekend with a referral going to SS. I feel so ashamed, and scared. Last night I called AA, I'd been thinking about it for a while but always managed to convince myself I didn't need it. I went to a meeting that night (last night) and realised I was exactly where I needed to be. Just saying hello to you lot really, and hope to continue with you all x