Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

Morning all
Baking I hope your son is ok today.
RedT welcome. I definitely have no “off” switch in certain situations. I don’t even know why sometimes. I can abstain from drinking. I can moderate sometimes but sometimes I just get on a roll and carry on drinking. Like you sometimes after everyone else has finished. Sometimes I can’t even remember some of the conversations. The best way for me is to not drink at all. Strangely if I have made the decision beforehand not to drink I do not actually feel like I am missing out. Additionally the feeling you get the next morning when you wake up and haven’t had a drink is amazing.
As people have said on here before try not to project about these events that are coming up. Take it one day at a time.
Minnie I hope you are feeling better today
Rothbury I agree that it is more difficult to give up drinking. People will say oh come on just the one. They wouldn’t say that about cigarettes or heroin. I think if you say you are not drinking when others are it makes them feel uncomfortable so if they can get you to have one then all is ok.
Hi to sweet blue lux spanna and all other babes.
I am going to work then Zumba tonight. I’m really getting into the class and enjoy it rather than just get through it.
Have a good day everyone

Hi all

Another sober night last night, but I had strong cravings... they passed eventually...

Lovely to wake up without a dry mouth, headache and terrible guilt and anxiety.

Thanks everyone for your welcome and kind words - I really appreciate and need this support right now.
Trust, I agree about planning ahead and taking a decision not to drink in advance of the event - that's helpful.
For the three/four weeks I wasn't drinking last month, I felt so much better in myself. I'm prone to low mood too and of course alcohol is therefore not my friend. I realised I was so much more even tempered and less irritable (ask the long suffering DH). My skin and hair felt nicer and I had more energy. I seemed to take a nicer view of life in general.
It only took a three or four day lapse to push me back into gloom and despair.
I did manage to have a chat again with DH last night and he's very kind to me. Sometimes though I think he needs to get tough with me and give me a right old rollicking. The hand-patting and there-there approach is sweet of him but I think sometimes it's not helping.
I've lunch tomorrow with a very old friend and I think I'm just going to tell her where I'm at because I think she'll understand - she was in a very stressful job and I know used to have to have a glass or two of wine every night to help unwind.
Saturday night, another meet-up but I have already told DH I will drive.
Thanks Rothbury for your input re friends.
I'll be back later.
I'm so ashamed generally about all this that I don't want DH to catch me on the computer, posting! Isn't that awful? But it really does help, to be able to chat anonymously about it.
Hope you're all having a decent day.

Cupcakes - missed your post at first- thank you for the moral support!

Someone explain the "sidecar" to me? Halfway house, not quite on or off the bus?

still in the sidecar. Seems like Dry january never happened.
red the sidecar is attached to the bus and is for Babes who have lapsed, or are sleeping off a bender, or are struggling and not fully on the Bus for whatever reason.

Been put at risk of redundancy today. Can't bloody believe it. I have brought in half a million pounds worth of extra business this year. Bastards. I need a secure job/income as I have to get a mortgage in just my name and move out of former marital home this summer. Timing couldn't be more shit.

Meeting with HR tomorrow morning.

Will pop myself in the sidecar for a bit. Will be back when I have got my head round it all.

buttonz that's the amazing thing about cravings, that if you can distract yourself, or wait it out, then they pass. I used to think that an alcohol craving was like being thirsty, and that I would feel like that until the need was met. But it's not! It's a temporary (albeit ferocious) longing, and it goes away...

red I understand what you say about your dh, and wishing he was tougher, but at the end of the day YOU have to do this, and you have to do it FOR yourself. I know from experience that without the internal motivation, having a tough partner only leads to you becoming more deceitful and finding better ways to hide your drinking.

for rothbury and also cup of tea.

rothbury fingers crossed for you

Rothbury - fingers crossed 🤞 for you.

Ma - it's so hard, isn't it? It's a curse, this illness... as for Dry January - I think I would have found that very hard indeed.

Venus - it's true about cravings. One thing I find that helps is to lie in bed and read during the "danger zone" when I would normally sit in front of the tv and drink... the cravings seem to come and go.

Morning all
Rothbury I hope things go well for you today.
Buttonz I do get the cravings but only on certain days such as finishing work for the week. Pretty mad but I suppose we all have our triggers and habits.
Hope everybody has a good day

Rothbury Thinking of you today. That's such shit news. Let us know how you get on.

Buttonz I used to think DJ was an impossibility. I tried every year and failed. This one it just clicked. Just keep adding days on one at a time.

Work is very busy. It's ok though. DS is fine thank fuck I went to sleep in my bed again last night. I find I sleep a lot better alone but I do kind of miss the random cuddles.

Another girl in work is pregnant. That's 3 now and 1already on mat leave. There's lots of siblings arriving at nursery too. It sounds stupid but I feel a bit sad/jealous. Like I didn't enjoy DS being a baby enough. I was too busy grieving about my lost social life and learning to drink alone. It's like I've wasted it.

Best of luck Rothbury

Rothbury
Best of luck for you today.
Red
I have no off switch either. I'm so envious of those that can just have a glass of wine and that's it. It's all or nothing with me.

Too many to name check right now so forgive me if I just wave and say I'm here and thinking of you all. I do dip in and out of the thread to keep up with you all.

Venus - yes thanks for that, you are right of course. He's so NICE to me when really I think I need a telling off! Anyway I'm taking your words on board and thinking of strategies that will work for me.

Realise my "episodes" almost always take place at home, on a weekend night - so looking at ways of combating that. Ideally I would like to be able to have a maximum of 2 glasses of wine with my Sunday lunch or Saturday evening meal and leave it at that.

Mad with myself for doing over three weeks AF, feeling so "well" and then blowing it. I've done some "journalling" about it, seeting out my thoughts in writing to refer back to - if that would work.

Buttonz - yes triggers and habits - need to analyse those too.

Goodness, I've got very wound up about all this - but it's such a relief to have somewhere to talk about it.

Thinking of you Rothbury

Rothbury everything is crossed for you. How horrid and stressful x

red a huge trigger for me was other people and saying I wasn't drinking. Made me not bother starting af if something was coming up and I didn't want to say I wasn't drinking. I found it quite a stressful part. I will be150 days af in april and feel far more at ease with saying I don't drink.

I thought about some reasons I could give. Why I was having a break -That were very true. You could say diet, health kick, trying to improve x health symptom the longer it went on the less people have asked. Now i say the less i drink the less i want to. People have commented I don't want to be t total!! (as if that would be horrific) but that just tells me about their relationship with alcohol not mine.

I personally cant moderate and have no interest in drinking.

Sorry not to name check more. Hope you are all ok. Sorry to those having a hard time x

Saywhen
I don't want to be Teetotal. I want to have a lovely cold glass of wine in the sun or a refreshing gin and tonic but unfortunately I know I can't stop at one glass, it's the whole bottle, then it's another one. I can easily sink three bottles of prosecco/ wine by myself. Why am I like that? I have friends who can have two glasses maximum and stop.
My relationship with alcohol sucks.

Mint, I spent years asking myself those same questions, desperately hoping I could turn into someone I’m not. I can’t sing, I can’t paint and I can’t moderate - all those things make me sad, but I can’t change who I am. You have to get to a place where you can accept that those “one glass, once in a while” people aren’t you. They aren’t me either. I spent so much time and energy raging against it, then I grieved for the person I wanted to be and now I’m ok with it. You will get there too.

Another AF day down... it's not easy. I could murder a bottle of wine, but my routine now is to have a rest at the time I would normally drink...

Good luck to all of you.

Mint - I am very similar. One glass of wine is never, ever enough. It was always the whole bottle and at least two gin and tonics...

just checking in. Still not AF but in other aspects am walking for half an hour every lunchtime and drinking more water. Trying to change some things for the better in the hope the rest will follow.
Am quite wheezy at the moment - this is stress due to the DH situation. An asthma attack now is all i bloody need. Work is very busy with lots of quite exciting events and activities coming up

mint exactly me too. I'd love those things - the one glass of wine feeling. But I don't stop unless with huge effort and even then only sometimes.

I've tried and tired and tried to carry on drinking but it was always very unhealthy for me. I don't know why I'm like that either but I am.

Completely agree with what margie said I've grieved for that person who can have a drink with friends etc. The benefits of being sober outweigh that one glass of wine that I never really stopped at....

It was my friend by the way who said she didn't want to be t total and was shocked horrified at the thought (of what I am doing.)

Stopping is the only way for me. Today I won't drink. I still feel it's very early days for me and every sober day feels like a success.

Hi Ma.

I used to be someone who could make a glass of wine last a whole evening. My mother taught me to take little sips from my glass.

I don't know when things got out of hand. Now, I gulp the wine down. I want those first three glasses in me but I don't want to run out too quickly, so I neck three cans of gin and tonic too.

This is my second AF week. Still having cravings. They only really stop when I go to bed. Then, I just feel complete relief that I have got through another day.

There were so many triggers today - being in the shop that sells my favourite Chardonnay, my friend telling me that he was going to buy some gin...

Good luck to all the babes.

This bus is the best and I don't think I could cope without it.

Evening all. Yes wouldn't it be great to just be able to enjoy a glass or two rather than a bottle or three.

I am full of cold again this bloody winter has been full of bugs and I'm fed up with it so I'm going to bed in a sulk.

Keep going babes, keep posting it really does help.

Aw Luxury - I had a horrid cold a couple of weeks back.

Hope you feel better soon.

Hi, tis me, Mouse

I'm so sorry that I've not been around for ages. I'm still sober but have been struggling with health issues and the loss of friends and family. In fact I'm going to a close friend's funeral today and will be reading something there, which in the past would have meant I'd drink beforehand to give me that 'crutch' just to get through it.

I'm completely happy with doing that WITHOUT a drink these days but my mental and physical health still need some TLC.

I do pop in now and again to see how you all are and I really miss you all. I hope to see you all again very soon and I'm loving that the Bus is still going strong!

I'll be more on board in the coming months I'm sure, but for now, is it ok if I just nest at the back somewhere warm?

Love to you all,

Mouse xxx

Mouse - so lovely to hear from you. I will never forget your kindness to me a few years ago (I have since NC).

Sorry things are not so good with your health