Brave Babes (Hygge) Battle Bus: Snowed in and Drinking Hot Chocolate instead of wine

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer Jan and Feb so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread

We've donned the snow chains, topped up the antifreeze, and turned the heaters up to loud, so even though it's cold outside, our welcome is always warm, so hop on and join us.

I also want to say that I think I am a day out in my calculations (was never great with numbers). I think this is day 8 not day 7. I last had a drink last Friday. So more than a week AF. I am very pleased with myself.

Hello Babes, climbing back aboard the bus.

So, last week was supposed to be the start of a brand new me. I had accepted that moerating wasn't working for me and I had started slipping back into bad habits. On Monday DD arrived home unexpectedly. Nothing too serious but she was distressed and of course she wanted to drink. So I facilitated that and ended up with such a bad hangover on Thursday I couldn't go to work. I had the shits, felt sick and shaky, you all know the drill. Also ate huge amounts. Full of self hatred and shame. So I start again on Monday.

sweet I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. It's entirely possible you deserve your award but have come to a natural end of doing whatever it is effectively, and time for someone else to take that over. Does your uni provide counselling? UCU? I totally get what you mean about feeling so overwhelmed you can't read your emails. I sometimes fantasise about having to have six months off due to some unspecified injury/issue that doesn't actually cause me any pain you understand, but just means I can step off the merry go round and regain my sanity. I did some meditation this week too and did enjoy it. I tend to nod off though I hope it works for you.

twat I am so sorry I missed you before your trip. You have achieved such a lot and it's inspiration for the rest of us to read what other babes have done once they got their drinking under control.

mint I can't remember - have you met your half brother? I hope this all pans out OK for you.

Baking CONGRATULATIONS Bloody well done you!!

Ma Well done to DD that is amazing.

Bluesky

Love to everyone.

Blue, with everything that you explained about your DD’s anniversary, I think it is bloody AMAZING that you didn’t give in to the WW, especially when your DH was drinking. You are incredible. I hope that tomorrow is bearable.

Good to see you Rothbury, don’t beat yourself up about your trip to the side car, just use it for a reminder about why you want to be AF. Although I’d ideally like to forget all my most awful drunken idiot/hungover memories, they are quite useful in helping me maintain my resolve. What you said about having 6 months off for a random, unspecified painless injury in order to regain sanity is definitely one of my fantasies too. I would settle for just a couple of days off at the moment in fact.

Sweet, your night out sounds lovely, isn’t it weird that we’re wired to have some kind of recipient in our hand when we’re anywhere near a bar? Good to hear you sounding more positive.

Ma, great news about DD, so happy for her and for you.

Baking, huge congrats! I am sure it is very well deserved.

Welcome Offred, I hope you got through last night ok. Play the film through to the end, no-one ever regrets not having drunk the next morning.

Mint, your decision to do DIY assembly instead of drinking is SO admirable!

Twat, have a great time!

I know I’ve missed people out but I have no brain cells left tonight, my Dad is staying at the moment and it’s taking all my energy, patience and resolve to not lose my shit with him! I know it should be more grateful but it’s kind of like having another DC in the house. I am tired.

Hope you’re all having a good Saturday night babes. Big hugs to Spanna, Elba and Dubh.

Happy mother’s day everybody. I hope you are all being treated and looked after. We are taking my mum and MIL out for a meal with my kids so no cooking for me!
Blue well done on not giving in to the drink at such a sad time
Rothbury glad to see you back on the bus.
Sweet yes it is damp here too but a great time for just tidying in the garden and doing pots and hanging baskets. I currently have some seeds growing on my window sill. I love spring when everything starts to grow again.
I had a lovely time at the party last night. Surprisingly you can enjoy yourself when not drinking!
I am off to Zumba this morning then for a lovely meal. Life is good.
Hi to spanna and margie
Have a good day everybody

Morning everyone

I had breakfast in bed courtesy of DS, a hilarious card (much better than a frothy one) and a lovely gift sent from DD. Even the cat has been extra cuddly.

Am going to go for a walk, just a couple of miles but it will do me good.

I am NC with my mother who is a Grade A Narc, so it's always a bit of a tough day. I am always a bit sad for the little girl (me) who was never told she was loved, who was never hugged or encouraged in any way.

to those who have lost much loved mothers and children,

Afternoon all.. hope we all hanging in there. I feel into the side car yesterday !! Not even sure why :-(, it's made my mood low and am fighting a strong urge to just continue drinking :-(. Must try and stop this shit x

Newstart Don't carry on drinking. Write it off and start AF again today. No one ever regrets not drinking.

Rothbury That sounds like a lovely day. Use last Thursday as a reminder for why you don't want to do it anymore. My last similar experience was after a night out in September. Thinking about it still makes me burn with shame.

Trust Hope the meal out was good.

I've been to my parent's. Took the car rather than walking as I knew then I wouldn't be drinking. It was good but odd. No one else was drinking or eating much really. My grandparents are very old and frail now in the main and it's sad to see. They're all coming up to 90. DS lightened it up a fair bit though and I know they love seeing him.

I'm really tired tonight. Hope I liven up a bit later. I was planning on watching some good telly under a blanket whilst eating crap. I'll be cross if I fall asleep with DS.

Hope everyone else has had a nice day.

Morning All.

Trust I got into the greenhouse and planted six lots of seeds, so I was a happy bunny.

Have some {{{{{t'interbosies}}}}} Rothbury, hope you didn't get rained on.

Newstart, some days you just have to take it minute by minute, how are you this morning?

Baking, it is really nice to feel you can take the car - I dropped DS at the train station on Saturday, and drove home happy that I wouldn't resent him all day for delaying the start to my wine so I could pick him up.

DS spent most of the day in a strop (again) yesterday because he has left himself without time to practice his Foof Tech Practical for Thursday (because he didn't get organised yesterday, and he will have homework to do evening this week - 'cause he always does his homework as soon as it's set .

It's busy Monday for me, I just wish the sinusitis would go. I have no desire to drink at the moment, but I am feeling short on energy and umph!

Have a good day.

Morning confessional - i drank some wine last night. It was a conscious decision based on my trip to the cemetery etc as i explained in a previous post. It wasn't because i was sad or upset, it was more to do with the tradition that DH and i have that after we have visited the cemetery for the anniversary of DD's death we come home, eat lovely cheese and bread and drink some nice red wine. It felt right to still do this. We chose a very lovely bottle of wine and shared it and talked through our day. It is done now and i can move on through the rest of the year. I am not unhappy with my decision.

Hope you are all well today. Take care.

bluesky no need to 'confess'. So long as you feel it was the right decision for you, that's what matters.

Sweet I'm jealous of you getting your seeds sown. My greenhouse is in a right state. We lost quite a few glass panels in bad weather over the winter and haven't got around to replacing them yet. 'Foof -tech' sounds like fun

Mothers day was nice. Saw my mum and my two adult sons called round. One bought me a bottle of wine, but I gave it back and gave him the one my neice gave me in January too! He gave me chocs too , so kept those and didn't feel too ungrateful!

Bathroom half replaced. Should be finished this week.

Hope you all have a good week!

Morning all. Hope everyone is ready for another week and delights and trials, support, sharing and encouragement.

Sniggering at DS spent most of the day in a strop (again) yesterday because he has left himself without time to practice his Foof Tech Practical for Thursday

Sorry sweet I know that's not what you meant to post, but I just thought that he must go to a very forward thinking school!!

at Foof Tech Practical!

Didn't have that at my school back in the day. How things have progressed!

Morning all.
Had a lovely meal yesterday.
My MIL ended up getting a bit squiffy which was amusing to see her let her hair down. I’ve never really noticed before as I suppose I have always been drinking as well.
Sweet well done on the planting. I am going to do mine when I come back from holidays.
Blue
I’m off to spin class today and a long walk for my dog.
Hi to everyone and hope you all have a good Monday

I drank far too much again, having been "good" for a week. I even convinced DH to go out and buy another bottle. Now I have the shame and fear. I daren't look at FB as I vaguely remember having drunken conversations with people about how much I hate Mother's Day since I lost my mum so long ago.

And now DD is off school ill and I don't have the energy to do anything with her. I hope I won't end up having to take her to the walk in centre. She banged her head yesterday and it didn't seem like much at the time. It still hurts her now and I'm keeping an eye on her for signs of delayed concussion. My head also hurts, but for self-inflicted reasons.

Hey all - just checking in to reassure Sweet and Spanna that I am OK. And to wish you all a belated Happy Mother's Day, insofar as circumstances allow. Blue, hello, we haven't met, but I read your post about your DD and wanted to say I am so sorry, yesterday must have been hard. You sound lovely and grounded, and I hope you and DH found your cheese and wine evening and talk cathartic.

Sweet sorry you are struggling/have been struggling, and Ma well done to DD1, I know that must have been a massive thing for her and am really pleased and admiring.

Everyone else, I am just so sorry not to be able to be any support for now, which is why I have not been posting. Things are very odd at home, WB still absent and we have barely spoken - I have little to say, though when we do he goes from being nice and making me feel sorry for him and offering to help (occasionally) with lifts etc for DD when I am working away, to trying to hold a gun to my head and blaming me for his row with DS.

I dropped some post off this morning and he told me he hated him. His own son. How can you hate your own son just because he won't apologise after one row? Yes, things were said but WB seems to forget that he started it and also that he went for him physically. Anyway, today (just before I had to go to work) WB said that if DS didn't apologise he would come in the house when I was away on holiday and take all his stuff and we would never hear from him again and he wasn't going to contribute a penny for the kids (which means I will have to take on more work if I am to help DS through Uni). He is blaming me for not 'banging DS's head against a wall and making him apologise'. Which I can't as he is an almost adult, and stubborn. And has a case.

Also I am DROWNING in work (and life admin, and having to sort 2 teenage kids myself). Every day I have at least 4 hours shortfall of time to get things done. Work is relentless! Have told my boss of my situation and though she is great about me having flexitime and working from home when I need to, she is still piling the work on and expects the same standards (which is fair enough but it was hard enough when I had help and less stress). Have had the odd night out/brunch and am keeping up the gym as I feel if I don't do that stuff I will just collapse from loneliness - two teenagers are not always the best company, especially ones in the middle of such a shitty family dynamic. Hence staying off the thread as I am existing on caffeine and panic at the moment. And the odd cigarette which is bizarre as I gave up decades ago. Having the odd can of G&T but poured every bit of wine and spirits in the house down the sink as I feel on the precipice so just had to take temptation out of my own way.

Anyway, got yet another fucking work meeting at 1.30 and shitloads to do by then. Have not even got stuff for my holiday sorted. We won't end up going at this rate. Trip of a lifetime, for me and DD, DS's 18th birthday, his A levels - all overshadowed by weird situation. I am sorry not to be there for you all but actually rarely have 10 minutes, plus this is a drinking thread not a moan about my fucking marriage disaster thread, and I don't want to be spaffing on about myself and not giving anything back. I do hope you are all OK though, and sorry

Can I just say bugger it, I wrote a huge long post and bloody lost it, I namechecked people and everything - damn

Blue

I'll read back and try to catch up in a bit, really cross with my fat fingers right now!

Hi all

Blue

I was in sidecar at the weekend, but am having a sober night now.

I get horrible cravings when I could kill for wine, but I am riding them out.

hope hold on to the fact that he hasn't come back. That's the big plus. And change the bloody locks before you go away. i don't care if it's legal or not. also make sure DS doesn't leave anything precious or valuable around. You are doing brilliantly not giving in for the sake of peace. Hold on to your hard won freedom

Hi everyone, new girl here, needing a bit of moral support and advice, if I may?

Familiar story really, I'm late 50s, always liked a drink, but just lately have had a couple of binges which have scared me a bit.

Empty nester in long marriage, responsible for elderly parents. Not in paid work but some volunteering duties.

Prone to stress and worry - tend to reach for wine or gin bottle at such times. Try very hard, with DH help and support, to use "moderation" approach, but he likes a drink too, so do friends and family.

Recently back from a foreign holiday where we did indeed drink very moderately, apart from one night when I overdid it. The usual thing, woke up next day feeling shocking, wondering what silly things I'd said. DH reassured me but it led us into a serious discussion about how much we do drink.

It seems once I start it's hard to stop - I can't press the stop button even though I know I should.

So - we got home and supporting each other, didn't drink at all for nearly four weeks. We started again due to a social event where - I know it sounds pathetic - we were with friends and didn't want to stand out from the crowd, or have to explain ourselves.

We then went back to our "non-drinking" and were doing well until yesterday, Mother's Day, where again we were part of a gathering and just joined in with the drinking.

All fine and fairly moderate, then stupid me has to carry on during the evening when others have gone home. Why?

Woke up today full of shame and guilt, wondering when I will ever learn. Time isn't on my side any more but I still seem to think I'm still 25 or something.

So, starting another "dry" run. Silly thing is, I can do that, but get derailed because mainly I'm worried about what others think of me. I'm known I guess as the girl who likes a drink and guess I am seen by some as their go-to drinking-buddy.

The bit I really need help with right now is - it was my birthday recently and I was unwell, so I now have, in the next ten days, three "late-birthday-lunches" with friends and family. Which I'm now dreading.

How do I negotiate that without lying? Ideally I simply want to say I'm cutting drink out for a while, that DH and I successfully got through nearly four weeks AF and want to keep it going.

I feel so stupid and weak even talking about this, but as you probably know, it's a subject which makes me feel shameful, so I can't discuss it in real life with anyone except my DH - who is much stronger in such situations and would just come out and say "I'm not drinking".

I just needed to dump all that really, thanks for reading. Any words of encouragement and advice - tough love included - appreciated.

May have to reply to you tomorrow, due to domestic matters to attend to tonight. Thanks again.

Hi RedTasselBoots welcome aboard.
I'm in bed as I need an early night but wanted to acknowledge you, I'll post properly tomorrow. Well done though on what you've achieved so far, you've done great and we'll get you through the celebrations ☺

Welcome Red - I'm sure all the Babes on this thread can relate to your situation.

I'm currently in my second alcohol free week (still drinking at the weekend, but I plan to stop) after two years of drinking every single evening.

It was slightly easier for me to stop as my dh doesn't drink.

I can well relate to the awful shame and embarrassment of the morning after.

About three weeks ago, I got hideously drunk and I vaguely remember trying to cop off with another woman (also married) and my husband collecting me and having to practically carry me home. I am still cringing and it's just not worth it.

.

Thanks both for your kind words of welcome and encouragement, I feel better just for having got the words down and out in the open. I'll be back on the thread tomorrow.

Sweet 'foof tech practical made me then I love a good typo!

Bluesky There's nothing wrong with a bit of moderation. I think it's nice to observe tradition and it felt right to you which is what's important. for you.

Minnie I hope you're feeling more positive tonight.

Hope I think the idea of the bus is to offer support when you can and take support when you need it. It works both ways. Don't feel bad or avoid the thread because you're the one in need of support.

Welcome Red I was/still am known 'as the girl who likes a drink'. I'm actually quite fearful of my holiday in 2 weeks in case my friends suck me back in. You'll get lots of support here. I've only managed as long as I have because of posting on the thread.

I'm quite anxious tonight. DS fell asleep on the sofa this evening. Really unusual for him. I'm stressed he's ill so having slept in my own bed 3 nights running I'm back in his tonight. I'm trying to get out of co-sleeping because I think we disturb each other now he's a bit bigger. I really hope he's not sick as I can't really afford much more unpaid leave. I wish sickness could be restricted to the days I don't work.

I've got to day 70 AF. It seems like such a long time. Well, it is a long time. My longest stretch since being a teenager. And I haven't smoked/vaped for 8 weeks - also my longest stretch since being a teenager. I just hope it doesn't all fall apart at Easter.

I bought a Raspberry Mojito Mocktail from Morrison's today. I haven't tried it yet but I'll report back when I do. Hi to Lux, Trust, Buttonz, Venus, Ma, Flowers, Rothbury and everyone else. Too many to name now!

Welcome red I totally understand what you are saying there.

I went out for a friends birthday tonight and intended to drive. However, another friend offered so of course I had a couple of glasses of wine - actually four glasses of wine

This group are my dearest friends who I have known since college, so 36 years. We are all Big Drinkers. However, one of the group is now diabetic and she was saying she is thinking of giving up alcohol. I added that I was thinking of it too.

It made me feel so much better that I wasn't the only one. I think it took a lot of bravery for her to even say she was going to quit.

It's just so different from saying you are going to quit smoking, or give up the heroin. Alcohol abuse is so normalised in our culture that you are the weirdo if you don't do it.

Anyway, I am now going to be dry until Easter, which may not be long but it will be a good stretch for me.

Good luck everyone. You Ok ma? Wankbadger under the patio?