Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Just to chip in on the phone thing - I hate chatting on the phone and I'm very chatty and animated in RL. I spoke to Mr TC on the phone the other day and when we met he was laughing and said he never wants another conversation with me on the phone because it was like extracting teeth and I was monotone. The phone me is the complete opposite of the real me... The only time I've spoken on the phone pre-date is when the guy insists and I'm sure he's just checking to make sure I have diction that meets with his approval.

On another barstool. Doing all the things Smeaton is doing. Because I’m menopausal and nearly 50 and might as well be a fucking man for all the attention I’m getting on Match at the moment. Eeyup.

It’s my round; watch’ y’all havin’? peels off twenties

Very generous Cover, I'll have a glass of the 2010 Chateau Lalande-Borie

I'm sorted thanks Cover have a RL white wine spritzer going but it's better with company so will drag a bar stool over.
In hiding at the minute, the one who wanted to call 4 times this week has messaged 15 times today! Have ignored most because I do actually have to work, and we haven't even met yet? Don't think I want to any more.
How's Miss Keen Kin hopefully not over keen like mine :) you keep referring to her as a young lady? Are you not going older this time or just being polite?
How's that beard coming along Smeaton?

Greetings daters. Very little success here on the dating front. A few messages from Mr Histoire but not sure I'm bothered. Relieved to be home from euro IT event this eve as a number of colleagues are stuck out there.

In the last fortnight I've been getting views and favourites from Italians on Match. Are they scraping the barrel as my subscription is about to run out?

I tried the pre date phone call thing a while back. I found it a bit tricky to undo the date post call. But then I guess the call was useful as it saved me a wasted evening. I don't think I'd bother with a call again.

Cover, I'll have a blonde Alsatian.

Vet becomes all professional at the suggestion.

Smeaton make yourself look smart. Kin is buying us all dinner on a snowy evenin'

Oh ignoring he sounds a bit OTT, perhaps you should share rule #3 with him?

Miss Keen is going good, she just rang to confirm coffee tomorrow. She's 3 years younger than me which is unusual - I'd say 90% of the women I've ever dated have been older.

Ginny!!!

If you all like Indian I might.

Yes will share rule #3 (but not tell him where I read it!) Sounds good Kin enjoy your coffee date.
Ha ha Ginny good call, I'm up for an Indian :)
Glad you got back safe Save

Ignoring that's a huge NO from me for Mr 15 times... unless he was continuing a witty pun thing with each message that was funnier than the last so was clearly not seeking a response with increasing desperation

So tonight's date didn't show or is still making his way over in the snow? Another two dates tomorrow. Hopefully more luck.
Will join you on the stool - having a red wine or two listening to the radio, sigh.

Wine for me please, My Iron MrCat is out tonight on the beers so it’s all suggestive texts from the bar tonight.. and MrSensible is being well Sensible, and advising me to take care in the snow..

third sorry to hear that, what time were you meeting? have you managed to text him?

hope your dates tomorrow are better! how are you squeezing in 2 dates in the same day?!

Sorry Third, have you not heard from him? Where were you supposed to meet and when?

Idly swiping (left) on Tinder just now and found a strong contender for worst ever set of profile photos. The bloke really wasn't a looker anyway but in 3 out of the 4 photos he was posing with/leering at 3 different young bikini-clad Thai girls. The fourth was a selfie taken in McDonald's with table covered in burger boxes and wrappers in the background. Classy.

Esk and Third - supposed to be coming to my home around 9ish. I've sent two msgs and not read. Maybe he doesn't have roaming data. Maybe he's been in an accident. Maybe he got so far and decided to turn around. My dates tomorrow are an afternoon coffee/drink and then an evening date. The evening date I've met before. He seems to be just interested in sex. Will probe him a bit more when I see him and decide whether to continue.
Going to take my make-up off and watch Catch Up TV in bed!

Quick loo update as I am still out out.

Mr Dutch/ English guy is quite a suprise. Lots in common and he is hotter than his pics. He is very nervous though but we have been chatting for 4 hours and still going.

Full update tomorrow, haven't got a dying urge to snog him right now, but its workable :) :) :)

his loss third!

honestly, these grown men who cant be honest and open. how difficult is it to send a text saying you’ve changed your mind, it
isnt the end of the world. wasting someones time who is expecting you is quite horrible.

I can't believe the number of men who just don't turn up for dates they have arranged. Whatever happened to common courtesy and good manners?! Seems they are non-existent. Even if an emergency crops up it takes seconds to bang out a text letting the other person know!

I've had a few messages this week on Tinder. None that have amounted to anything. As soon as I mention my children's ages they disappear. They are 10 & 7. Can't change that so I just have to look at it as their loss. And my lucky escape. I'm financially independent, own my own house almost outright, have a holiday home in France and work full time to afford these things but I honestly think these men think I'm looking for a cash cow to raise my children. Couldn't be further from the reality!!

One iron still on the go. Not sure why I'm dragging it out really. I met him for a drink and he was really dull in real life. He's funny and entertaining in text but not so much in person. I guess I'm putting it down to nerves and hoping his true personality shines through on date#2.

Good luck to those on dates this weekend. Sorry I'm struggling to keep up with names but I will get there!

The no-shows are strong in this thread recently and that's something I find pretty disgusting.

I've got no issue whatsoever in turning up, thinking "nah," having one drink and making my excuses, but to allow someone to spend time and money getting ready, along with the emotional energy invested in excitement/nervousness, is pretty damn low.

change Not often, but I've been that guy once or twice. Great text/phone banter but in person it hasn't happened on the first meet. It wasn't nerves but rather I got stuck in my head, overthinking the interaction (oh to not be such an analyser of people!). Maybe one more date to see if he's different?

Yes I think so kin . I don't want to write him off when it could have been nerves. Plus I'm a talker so tend to fill silences with endless chat which means he might have been a bit overwhelmed. I need to stop doing that but I find silence uncomfortable with someone I don't know if that makes sense.
I've bitten the bullet and created a pof profile. Will see what this brings. I've had 15 messages so far, it's only been active an hour... but seriously. Not good so far.

He's funny and entertaining in text but not so much in person.

I'm a talker so tend to fill silences with endless chat which means he might have been a bit overwhelmed.

I'm absolutely not trying to imply that you've gone wrong here in any way but if you've dominated the conversation - for reasons that are quite valid for you - then that makes it quite hard for him to relax and display his own personality without coming across as someone who talks over others, doesn't it?

Of course, he could be totally shy/unsuitable for all I know but I'm just saying that I wouldn't write someone off after one date if there was nothing wrong. After two such dates, however,...

Absolutely kin I completely agree. He is keen to arrange date 2, lives very close to me so I shall get organising and see. I'll try my hardest to button my lip and give him a chance!
For what it's worth I lurked throughout your saga with Miss I, and think you definitely did the right thing. She was playing you and quite frankly, good luck to her finding someone who is willing to wait her self-imposed 2 years.... never going to happen!!

I'll try my hardest to button my lip and give him a chance!

I'd suggest you don't suppress who you are for someone else as you want him (or the next person you date) to be compatible with who you really are. Maybe just give him a bit of slack for how he came across on date #1 though - many people (both male and female) are concentrating so much on coming across well the first time they meet someone new that... they don't.

Yeah, I got played all right. Ironically, it's the fact that I'm normally such a good judge of character, but in that case lost all sense of perception, that brought me to these threads in the first place. To be fair, I totally respect her choice to wait two years, it's the fact that she wasn't upfront about it that that was wrong in my eyes and, unless she's more honest about that in the future, she will, I suspect, find herself in a long cycle of dating and breaking up with a lot of frustrated men!