Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

tom i usually just take that to mean they arent really interested. perhaps they have someone they click with more who they chat to.

i remember with MrLovebomb last year, id just come out a 5 year relationship so i wasnt being picky in terms of compatibility, i just wanted someone hot. he was so dull. im very playful and jokey, whereas he was super serious. he ended things as we werent compatible and he had feeings for his ex. i saw him at the gym on friday with a girl and it looked soooo dull. its a smallish gym so they were near me at some points, j dont think i saw them smile or laugh once.

anyway, when conversation is dull it aways reminds me of him, and that there was someone out there for him equally as dull

pudding what do they ask about your activity? ive only been asked how many people i have met from it, and i say 1
because thats true. do they ask how many men you’ve matched with? tell them it aint their business.

Esk1mo bless you for freeing him up to go and meet someone as dull as him and take them both off the singles market

Pud I think that “how long have you been on here?”/“how many have you matched with?” question is a sign of either a) a real inability with small talk or b) unsubtly trying to gauge how desirable the other person is. Either way it’s a bit blah, innit?

That’s a great story esk1mo! Freeing him up for someone else. He sounds very dull. I’ve chatted to a fair few in OLD and I can count on one hand the number that were really interesting. Still, what doesn’t work for me might for someone else. You’ve got to be in it to win it, as they say!

Oh god and I've already had to hide my profile coz an old (by which I mean previous) boyfriend just messaged me on it. I don't even have a photo up but he must've worked out who I was from my blurb - oh god oh god oh god - I'm going to bed!

Ginny I'm happy to have a look if you want a female perspective.

Cover I know what you mean, I just keep thinking it's quality over quantity! Tbh I know I'm at the pickier end of picky and I could go out and get a 'boyfriend' fairly quickly if I relaxed my standards enough but I just can't do it. I'm not asking for the moon on a stick but even if I don't find what I'm looking for, at least I'll have tried. I've seen enough friends put up with and excuse shitty behaviour and settle for sub-par relationships with sub-par or 'but he's nice sometimes' men just because they don't want to be alone/it's easier/they think they can't do any better, and fuck that shit quite frankly. I'd rather be remain a crazy dog lady

Ginny just block him! You don't need to hide your profile. What did he say to you?

Ginny if he has messaged you it means you can block him, I have blocked a few people.

Vet thank you - I've PM'd you. He just made a joke by eliding two different parts of my profile and commenting that we had lots in common ... .

Cover I feel funny about blocking him cos we're technically friends. Is there a way of just hiding your profile from certain people?

Ginny as far as I can tell you've got three choices: 1) block; 2) 'fess up with a "hey it's me" and a joke; or 3) ignore and if he's persistent then engage in illiterate and dull chat that will see him running for the hills.

I don’t think so, Ginny ; I think it’s block or be visible.

Going to see what delights POF have offered me while I’ve been mainlining Drag Race. It’s a sad and sorry day when I’d rather look at drag queens than potential dates, but TBH they’re generally tall, funny and appreciate glamour; just what I look for in a man. Shame they love wearing heels and dick as much as I do, really.

You couldn't make it up.

Young Mark 2 ex FWB looked about 12. We met at the local church while I walked the dog, its usually fairly quite out there. I thought he would come by foot then lots of cars suddenly turned up, had massive panic that one guy was him (he was awful! I even asked his name to check cos I really wasn't sure.

Then did another walk round the church while waiting I saw a car go past, then pull into the car park and I saw a guy walk out. He said night to me and I couldn't see him that well, so moved forward a bit to see it was one of the football das (from kids team) ,who seems quiet also divorced and sometimes i feel him checking me out, but he isn't my type so i pretend not too notice). Spoke for a couple of minutes, hen he got back in his car. This point it all felt a bit trippy and then real date turned up........looking like a school friend of my eldest and like he might have only just started shaving. But very cute, and quite funny and he put up with my dog, so he did ok in my estimation.

Anyway, really cool guy, we had a nice couple of hours chatting and he left with just a normal kiss on each cheek goodbye. Turns out he knows ex FWB, he also knows Mr A................I think Another friend zoned one.

Oh and Mr Mysterious text me to say he was sorry with a sad face saying he didn't have courage. I believe him as he seems shy, still shit behavior but he isn't a shit i am sure of that. Will see what happens there, i won't message him for a while.

I was thinking the other day the posters on here should start a page, a blog, with just OLD experience, imagine the topics that could be covered.....There is such a wealth of info and differing options/ opinions on here, its fascinating! You could turn this thread into a book on what to do and not to do, and how to style out OLD.

Ginny Just want to say well done for putting yourself out there - that's the hardest part done. Hopefully we'll be hearing tales of your irons any day now...

Ginny when I first started OLD I used a photo where I was almost hidden and wearing sunglasses. And I hid my profile almost every time someone messaged me.
Now I don't care who sees me on there (unless it's my mum!). It takes a while to get your confidence especially when you get flooded with messages. Even more when they're from someone you know.
Happy to give you a second opinion on your profile.

pudding I like the idea of a blog/book. The advice on here is fantastic because we've all experienced the best and worst that OLD has to offer.
I recently wrote a fictional short story about a date and someone commented that exactly like her experience.

morning
rainy morning off work and catching up with this soap opera thread...do you know that although I am edging toward the smitten bench
I LOVE reading your messages and good advice.
Make me laugh seeing some of the idiots we end up sitting in front of

Following pudding's suggestion, I created a new thread detailing my first ever experience of OLD. Anyone else want to add to it?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3191816-OLD-stories-share-your-best-or-worst-experiences

crikey you lot chat a lot :)

everyone said eharmony would be brilliant but I am finding it thoroughly soul destroying - they keep matching me with what I can only say are creepy old men (sorry old men). I am not that young myself but fgs, I am also not THAT old. The other thing that concerns me is they are trying to match me with people who are in the same income bracket - I have never thought it's that important but clearly eharmony think that if you earn X, you need to be with someone else earning X and I'm not sure that should be the case

hey ho

Morning all, my Monday morning has got off to a roaring start.

Haven't heard anything from my date last Monday for about four days now, so presuming that's died a death. Shame as he was good company, hot and great at kissing, but not going to chase after him.

The guy who I first dated at the beginning of February and then have seen him a couple of times briefly as he works near me. We message every day, but haven't seen him for two weeks. He popped in early this morning before work and we spent a very nice hour together, not full MB-ing, but certainly enough to brighten up a Monday morning. I can't see it going anywhere with him really, but we have great chemistry so an occasional friend with benefits certainly wouldn't go amiss until someone more long-term comes along.

Have nothing else going on at all. Have been swiping away on Bumble and Tinder but nothing going on there for now.

kin thanks for the dating experiences thread. I've added my bit.

Daffo I briefly tried eharmony and it would only match me with blokes 50+ miles away. I complained and they basically said I was being too fussy!

I've got dilemma. Two irons and I feel I should probably choose one.
Mr Hat - my spontaneous date from Sat eve. Lots of fun, a party animal, bit of a smooth operator, very fit and active.

Mr Eyes - had two dates with him. Not my usual type, no real spark, we have little in common, he has a beer gut which is usually a turn off for me. But he's a gentleman and there's something about him that I like and we managed to spend 3hours in each others company yesterday.

I'm somewhere between them. I think Mr Hat would be short term fun before he got bored of me. Whereas Mr Eyes could be a slow burner but I could get bored of him.

Do I just date them both for now as I'm not planning on DTD with either just yet? Never had to choose before

I have never had any luck with eharmony, match or elite singles, I get matched with old ment that live 50 miles away and never get any dates.

insert I never heard anything back from the date I had last week either, bit annoying but I won’t dwel on it (plenty more fish and all that).

Was chatting to Mr Camera for a couple hours last night via WhatsApp, he has shown interest in meeting up, we like the same places and have similar hobbies apart from skiing (doesn’t interest me at all).

My friend didn’t turn up last night but he messaged me, we have been close since we were kids, grew up together but I have slept with him a few times (first being when I was 17), I have helped him through some tough times. He messaged me last night saying he was giving up with OLD as he has his eye on someone, when I asked him who he just shut down and said ‘forget it’, I am now worried that he means me. There’s no way I could ever be in a relationship with him, I love him as a friend but I could never live with him and could never trust him (he has cheated on several people including his ex wife). I don’t want to loose him as a friend.

Morning all, sorry I haven't been around much. Flipping mental at work, which is when I usually MN!

Date 4 with Mr Wales tonight. I like him and think he likes me more. However, I have massive trust issues. I want to believe everything he says but feel like I want proof!!!!! He showed me photos of the inside of his house & I'm reasonably confident he doesn't live there with another woman - no disrespect to the interior design skills of men - but you can just tell these things! I guess, until he give me cause to think otherwise, I'll have to trust what he says.

Runs you really don't need to choose yet. It's early days with both and if you're not planning to sleep with either of them immediately then keep your options open as long as possible!

so i cancelled MrF coming over last night, and said i was free today. he said we could do something if weather was good (weather is fine) and i suggested an activity, he said that sounded good.

havent heard anything today i have a feeling he will just try and come round in the evening, but im planning on going to the gym. im working until sunday so wont have time to see him. his loss.

thanks vetoncall . Im here, just read first post and going to read the thread now.

My update from the w/e. So, I saw MrWow. We had a really good night out. I was desperate for a wee so he pulled me down an alleyway. We ended up DTD up against a wall. Sounds seedy but I've always wanted to do it! It was as good as I imagined. . He walked me home and as it was v late (3ish) I invited him in. Ex was sound asleep. After a drink we ended up DTD on the sofa. Ex heard us and woke up. He popped his head round the door and said 'Morning'!! Red faces all around. MrWow quickly got dressed and had a drink and chat with Ex. It was surreal and funny. It's not put MrWow off. However, don't think it will last. He's only just been divorced and living with his sister. He's not had a lot of action and I think I'm just 'fun' for him. MrGingerNinja says he is still interested despite me telling him I had another date. Currently looking for new irons to replace these two.

Runs doesn't sound like either man has much long term potential but just go with the flow, you may be pleasantly surprised (-most likely not-)
Esk have you heard from him yet? Does he know you wont be in tonight?
xx