Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

user1490465531 0thers may disagree, but save your money - get on the free sites. There are certainly men looking for serious relationships on the free ones ( they are sometimes on the paid ones too,so chances are you will see the same faces) I have had much better luck on the free ones. (In my experience, not all those on the free ones are looking for NSA and ONS, in fact, I would say most aren't.)

Pudding - not at all unreasonable. Takes no time to reply; it's just bloody rude not to. Definitely sack him off - you have other irons on the go from the sounds of it. Don't make excuses for him; I wouldn't. I do it all the time

Pog that sounds really tough - so impressed that you have done that. It's really hard - going to be harder maintaining no contact but sounds like you have the mindset to do it. Good for you! Go go go!

Rude of him not to reply pudding. I'd look elsewhere.

I'm on my way back from Mr French and despite his pictures being ancient, he looks the same . We had coffee and a walk. First proper meet and greet I've done rather than meeting for a drink and leaping in. He's very sweet so we will see. We have arranged a second date and had a fairly chaste kiss. Am definitely taking it slowly this time and not getting excited too early on. And I'll keep my options open.

pudding - rule 7, remember, if you're making the effort to go over to his town, then the least he could do is check his messages and tell you where and when to meet. You're right to bin him off.

I agree on the paid vs free sites. I've just done a bit of comparing, and I receive an average of just over 2 views per day on match, compared to about 18 a day on pof. Plus - women on match just don't seem to send or reply to messages (partly because many aren't paid up members so can't) whereas I get a bunch on pof, they're just all from women who look scary and/or can't spell.

Match.com also skew the views a lot so when a subscription is about to expire in the next day or so, or has just expired, suddenly you get a load of views to get you to subscribe again..

Eharmony -I've never heard a good word said about it, everyone seems to think it's a waste of money.

I found eharmony truly dreadful. It's the only site I got not one date from.

Do bear in mind that if someone had no filter or working twat radar then a paid site just buys you a wanker who's worked out how to use a debit card.

Don't whatever you do pay for elite singles. They have taken months of payments from me without authorisation and I'm trying to get it back via my bank. Plus the blokes on there are about as far from elite as you can get.

I've been on Match for 2 months and 6 of my 7 dates have come from there. The last two are my current irons that I'm trying to choose between. But I only chose Match because I got half price subscription which was worth every penny just for last night's epic date. There's a lot of fakes, many are on free sites as well and if they don't pay they can't read your message.

Bant et alThanks for the reassurance that it wasn't me being a shit, I don't think he has done it deliberately but who knows!

Pog or binge watch a new box set of something and eat chocolate:)

So in the last few hours been chatting to a cough 27 year old who I matched on tinder. Turns out he is visiting his mother in the village I am in (tinder tells me he is less than a km away, usually lives in Lisbon) and he asked if I want company. So, we are going to meet in the village and have a coffee or beer, and go from there. In an hour. I will keep to main roads, don't worry.

Oh and he shares a name with ex FWB, so no confusion likely ;)

I've just had a really lovely Mother's Day - spoilt rotten - my children are very grown up - so I told them I was on tinder and POF - spent an interesting hour showing them some of my matches and messages - they didn't necessarily agree with my yes and no's . They are quite clear though that I need to find an 80 year old millionaire, who wants marriage and has a dodgy heart.

interesting about the paid sites think I'll try match. Thanks for all the advice I did try POF and found so many wankers on there I really don't want to try that again.

val I find that grown up children can offer their perspective on these things - not the people necessarily but the process - and usually reinforce the rules up above .

pudding Mr No Lunch sounds like he is just covering his tracks now ! Glad to see that you have bounced back though this evening !! Wish I lived where you do

Pog un MNy hugs to you xxx

I’ve had another message from MrMr, so I’ve blocked now. I’m veering between feeling mean (why????) and slightly concerned at potential stalkery tendencies on his part. It’s all a bit odd.

I must be due an un-needy, non-possessive, psychologically well-balanced bloke who fancies me and that I unequivocally fancy back by now, surely?

Val my daughter often helps me look through profiles on POF, she’s 14 going on 30, she says I need someone cuddly with a beard .

Well, I was just about to chill out for the night ready to watch call the midwife and my friend (male, life long friend but occasional FWB) messages me asking if he can come over because he’s unwell and doesn’t want to be on his own, I stupidly said ‘yes’ totally forgetting that I don’t look after I’ll people as I lack sympathy and I hate germs. I’m now hoping he has fallen asleep and won’t come over.

I have a new iron who seems really interesting, will call him Mr Camera, only problem being is he lives quite far away, this could be a problem but then again he has no children so he has weekends free and might no mind travelling. We shall see. Would still ideally like someone local.

Bloody yes they can - my DIL is my get out of jail card (although I've never had to use it) - my lot are really supportive and my daughter met her husband on line so perhaps it's in the blood!

I downloaded Why Men Love Bitches and it definitely makes a lot of sense. I'm how she describes the 'bitch' in quite a few ways - for all the good it's done me - but definitely picking up a few hints and reminders. I'd recommend it.

Pudding definitely right to sack him off, I can't believe anyone wouldn't think to check their phone prior to having someone come to their house for the first time, and with no actual address!

Val if your 80 year old millionaire has an equally minted and infirm friend let me know.

I'm meeting Mr Medic on Wednesday and looking forward to it. Mr DiamondMine is still away but still brilliant at keeping in touch. Both seem great on paper, but let's face it, I've said that before

Love - my son is going through a facial hair phase - when he gave me a kiss goodbye tonight I told him it's not for me - they do bring a much needed sense of humour to the process though.

bloodyuseless I think I have much more success (in terms of matches not much goes anywhere) here than I would in the UK. Its the novelty factor of being foreign. I had a lot of men comment on my voice and accent, its a mix of Lincolnshire and Co Durham, it ain't all that. But it goes down a treat ;) Plus I am a sucker for a dark men with good beards (not too groomed, not too massive, just nice!) so I guess its win win.

I thought earlier to myself, god Pudding your 39, sort it out you are acting like a teenager. Then I thought, so fucking what, I was in a relationship from 17, so I have some making up to do.

Vet - definitely- perhaps we can double date.

I keep meaning to ask this question:

I get asked a lot my guys about my tinder activity, usually quite early on. I am always honest but wonder what they are seeking to learn from that. That I am an easy lay? That I am not sleeping with everyone? It always puzzles me, its not a question i would ask straight off.

Whats your opinions on that? Guys on here, do women ask you that too?

Vet it’s a great book, isn’t it? I’ve learnt loads from it. I wish I’d read it before I met the guy I dated from GSM last year. I was such a doormat, I really regret most of my actions.

What is it with conversations just dying off? I get a few matches on Tinder. We converse a bit, then it just stops. That said, I find the conversations mostly tedious. Is there anyone out there capable of interesting and engaging conversation? And not just wishing me a “good day” every morning.

So, I've only gone and bloody done it ... created a POF profile, I mean! Would anyone mind taking a look at it? I found it excruciating to produce ... and. One of my frivolous, hedonistic, devil-may-care attitude comes through

That should read 'none of my' not One of my ....

Well done Ginny guessing you’re after the male perspective?

Tom that does happen a lot. I’ll ask plenty of questions (not every message, mind) and if they don’t ask any back I just get a bit and stop bothering. Plus if the other person is messaging lots of people they’ll naturally have a sort of messaging pecking order and if I’m low down it then......fuck ‘em

I really forced myself to carry on communication with Mr Moves despite the above and tbh I might as well have not bothered. Some people are just set to transmit and not receive. Ever.

Vet I read WMLB years ago when I was young and foolish and all “yes but I’m AUTHENTIC and I DON’T PLAY GAMES” when I was actually suffering from LOW SELF ESTEEM and dating an EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE 🙄

Now WMLB behaviour is just second nature. And I’m single and haven’t had sex in 14 months. Go me!

Thanks Cover. It is frustrating, but I’m definitely hardening to it. I wonder if all their conversations are as dull? I do keep thinking I’ll give it all up, but I just take a bit of a backwards step and figure there must be someone of interest out there. Having read the book though, what I won’t be doing is chasing for a response.