Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

You are right Pud - I think I will play the long game too (much as I insist on not game playing....). I am going to take a leaf out of your book and take one day at a time. We exchanged a couple of messages earlier.. not appropriate to raise it then. I will hang on and see what happens... and in the meantime, keep myself busy with, you guessed it......swiping left left left!

So that’s a no. Laters; am pooped.

Cover yep - it's no. For now.
Pooped too and my finger has worn out.

Now this seems quite appropriate for this thread...

i love that ignoring

so MrF is stopping over...not sure how i feel
about it. wouldnt mind my bed to myself.

kin I'm so glad you sorted it out with Miss Keen. I'm completely guilty of sending a message like hers in the past thinking they'd not want to see me if there was no sex on the cards.

esk1mo hope your sleepover went Well!!
I hate sharing my bed now!!

I'm liking the sound of Mr Electrician pud

tinderella I've had that happen to me before and have made it very clear that after sex has happened I expect dating profiles to at least be hidden. It's just not good form to be sleeping with someone and yet looking for someone else! Have that conversation and see what he says.

Things are building up with Mr Last Year. Had a frank conversation last night about what went wrong last year and both of us want to try again. Mis communication was key. You'd think by our age we'd have that sorted but perhaps it's an age old problem. We'll see. I know I have a couple of things I need to change and he does too but it's early days. As long we we talk that s what is important I guess.

I haven’t heard anything from my date yesterday, so I message him or just leave it? Feel a bit annoyed that he can’t just send a message saying he’s not interested, I’m not too bothered if he’s not interested as the children thing was a huge red flag but it’s a bit rude seeing he said he would message me. Oh well, on to the next one I guess, if I can find a next one.

ignoring as much as it pains me to say it, that was actually quite funny.

esk1mo hope giving up some space in your bed was worth it .

change I think your comment to me does a good job of showing that communication is a problem at various ages. Why are people scared to say what they really think/feel?

Love You already know the ignorance thing is par for the course and the kid thing means you probably should be grateful he's disappeared. You're due a good one soon, hang on in there.

love sorry to hear you’re not having much luck! It will happen I’m sure

pudding you are making me laugh, men like busses, three dates in a weekend and a hot electrician on text! ... go girl!

I am seeing Mr Smiley tonight: I’m going to cook for him.... a few his place as I haven’t got one at the minute...’ tricky’
I really need to work on my insecurities as I will drive him away. He has done nothing wrong since we met and been completely honest about everything. I would like to be able to see him a little more but will take what comes at the moment. it’s as much about my shift pattern as his commitments.
I haven’t cooked for a man for a long time! Especially in a strange kitchen. So please god don’t let me fuck up.... hoping the MB afterwards will make up for any mishaps

As bad as this makes men sound Lost, if MB is the final thing on the menu, the last thing he will be considering is the quality of your entrees

Love the way these things work, is just when you realise he was not right and you are glad you didn't get involved, he will then contact you :) I believe it is called Murphy's Law. Don't take it personally and I think you deserve better anyway.
Glad I made you laugh despite yourself Kin, also glad Miss Keen appears to be going well.
Pudding you have too many options, you need to share!
Cover Are you ok? Been a bit quiet lately
*Val did you contact the 'young' man, as that sounds like it could be fun.
Lost anyone with a nickname Mr Smiley sounds great in my book :) and Vet can't remember what you called him but despite the difference in lifestyles, it sounds like you and the rich bloke have a few things in common, and he is keeping in touch, and you like him....don't be put off by your perceived differences and maybe give it a chance when he gets back, from the brief synopsis I have read he sounds pretty nice.
Anyway I suppose I better do some work, have a great Friday everyone, woo hoo it's almost the weekend!!! :)

pud Sounds like you have a busy weekend planned. . Enjoy !!

Tinderella I agree with the others and I think you need to have a conversation with him about it. At least then you will know where you stand.

esk1mo I hope making space in you bed was worth it

Change Miscommunication is definitely a common problem. I hope you are able to work through your issues.

Love I think given the children thing he's done you a favour by disappearing. Hopefully it will be onwards and upwards to better things.

Lost Good luck with the cooking. I am sure you can find ways to distract him if the cooking doesn't quite go to plan .

Looking forward to seeing Mr SA again this evening. We have agreed to meet for a drink and then play it by ear in terms of dinner and what comes after. I am one of life planners so its feels strange to be meeting up with such vague plans but hopefully it should be fun evening. .

Ignoring yeah I’m good, just work’s been full on and I’ve been a tad “meh” with dating and when I’ve come to read back and reply (which I want to do properly) I’ve been sidetracked.

Should have a chance for a mega post after work tonight though. With you all in spirit x (

I just came across someone I know on tinder. I heard he is a total player, but the bastard literally got married 3 months ago and she had a baby in Feb. One of his pictures is him with his newborn.

Makes me want to vomit, that poor girl (I don't know him that well, just to say hello to, but I know some of his friends). What a dick.

Thank goodness for distraction dating as KnottyCaptain has just let me know he's away to sea for 6 weeks. Glad we hadn't had MB now

Lost good luck with dinner!!!

Tinder i agree with the others, if it's bothering you have a chat with him.

oh my god Pud that is truly sickening

My dinner plans have been scuppered..... had a message saying 'dinner is cooking' its apparently in the slow cooker already kind of pleased its taken the pressure off me but also a little disappointed as wanted to coo something nice ......I think I scared him off saying I'm not a good cook lol

I have to say, We seem to end up talking about our ex's and kids etc quite often and I've kind of had enough of talking about our past....I just want to focus on the future...is that wrong? its just that Id rather not think about my twat of an ex and mistakes we've made when Im with someone new ...

Ignoring - still chatting to him and 2 others nearer my age. TBH - I'm not pushing to meet up as I've got something on every weekend until the middle of April, and although I'm happy to meet up during the week, I do like to be in bed early!!!

I do like to be in bed early!!!

Sounds like a good reason to meet him Val

Hello! I wondered if I could join in. Never in a million years did I think I'd be doing OLD at nearly 40! I've got a few questions. Would you mind if I asked them here or would that interrupt the flow of the thread?

Toedippin go for it, more the merrier

Thank you - yay!

I'm a few months out of a relationship that was very messy - on his side, not mine. I was quite a bit older and my situation (long-time divorced with kids) meant that I have to keep my situation stable and I had to do a lot of work on myself. Anyway. I extricated myself before Christmas and am now feeling ready to date. I've realised that the messiness of my last relationship has really knocked my radar, though. I really need recalibrating!

My questions are (I'm using Guardian Soulmates)

It looks like it's normal to have a few irons in the fire. I've been chatting with a few blokes but I like one much more than the others. It doesn't feel natural to have a few on the go (so to speak). Do I just have to get over that?

Is there an etiquette about who contacts who after you've messaged for a bit? So the one man that I like more than the others and I messaged into the wee hours the other night. He then did message me first yesterday but it wasn't quite so chatty. I don't know how much I should read into any of this stuff. Oh bloody hell...

Is it acceptable to carry on looking through the site when you're mostly chatting with one person? I looked at my profile the other day because I got a notification to say that I'd got a new message from another bloke but then I didn't know if it looks bad that I've been online.

Not normally this self-absorbed, sorry. As I said, my former Mr Drama has made me question myself and I'm a complete novice to OLD.

Thank you!

Welcome ToeDipping have you met any of them yet?

I went out with one man before Christmas but it was waaaaaay too soon for me. Comedy too soon, actually. I contacted before we even met and said that I'd made a mistake and that I wasn't ready but he said that we'd just meet as friends. Nothing happened but the follow-up messages were completely weird and via phone call, whatsapp message and email (easy to google with my job). That set me back until now!

The Iron I like the most (Mr BattleScar) suggested we do something next weekend. He sends me really really long messages which are very interesting and has asked me questions relating to what I want in a relationship but isn't at all flirty. Whats that about? And then yesterdays message was nice but didn't initiate a longer conversation. We've said we'll chat later but I'll let him contact me.

And thank you for the warm welcomes!

Hi Toe:

It doesn't feel natural to have a few on the go (so to speak) - that's not something that feels natural to me either but it appears to be quite common these days. Very much a personal choice though.

Is there an etiquette about who contacts who after you've messaged for a bit? - Nope.

I don't know how much I should read into any of this stuff. - Not too much this early on. First message of the day can be the hardest one to write, especially if the chat had been intense the day before.

Is it acceptable to carry on looking through the site when you're mostly chatting with one person? - Personal choice again but I would say yes. I have moral dilemmas about the rights and wrongs of dating but still only draw the line at not sleeping with more than one person at a time.