Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

[BeenThereDating]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Kin why are things so complicated eh? Hope your chat clarifies things for you.

Vista Of course, I need to check what's what first. It's strange, she said she wanted a relationship and sends 'relationship type' texts during the day. As soon as she gets home though she's only interested in sexting or having me over - some guys dream scenario I guess but I've already figured it doesn't sit well with me.

Val Life would be boring if it was easy!

Kin Maybe Miss Keen doesn't know what she wants. But at least its helped to confirm what you are looking for.

I'm all a pickle.

I've got too many options. Help me decide.

1. Mr Mysterious: his contact has been minimal but we are supposed to meet on Saturday (he lives an hour away). He hasn't confirmed any plans, but I am feeling a bit "meh" about it. We arranged it a few weeks ago as it was the first weekend our schedules collided. I like his chat, but he isn't that attractive and I doubt it would develop into much, but I kind of want to give him a chance.
2. Mr Wants nothing serious: he is clearly a horny devil, lives an hour away, up for meeting any time.
3. Mr Dutch/ English: asked if I wanted to hang out. He said he would come to my town. Its a bit tricky as I still don't want ex to see me with anyone. I met him before, and I think he is ok, but I have been more interested in talking to No. 2.

I have limited time, dog still isnt great so can't leave him for long periods. Tempted to tell No 2 to come to me, but to my house, but aware that might seem a bit risky, but he seems like a nice guy. Help!

pudding im probably a bad influence but id say invite no.2 over, and continue chatting to MrDutch. yolo and all that

Just reading your message tells me that you have already disqualified 1 and 3 pudding.

So now the only choice is to invite #2 to your house or not.

Kin I’m guessing she’s just looking for a FB but I think it’s best to ask her. What site did you meet her on? Did she say she was looking for a relationship. If she is just a FWB then I think it’s fine to date other people as long as you ditch her before you sleep with someone else.

Just got back from a very quick date. Went for a drink in a local pub. He seemed very nice but to begin with I seemed to be the one doing most of the talking, we have some similar interests. He does literally live down the road. I’m not sure if I find him interesting enough and there is a major red flag, he doesn’t see his children, said it went to court and he wasn’t given access, I know quite a lot about how the court system works and I know for someone to not be granted any access to their must be a bloody good reason?

Anyway, I’m not really sure how it went or what he thought of me so it may be a no go anyway. I will wait and see if he texts. In the meantime I have given Mr Camper my number, although he’s a bit flakey at least we share one major interest and he has no baggage.

Pudding I have taken a risk before and invited people to my house, I haven’t had any bad experiences with it, usually it’s because we both know what we want (sex) and we are pretty sure it will happen. It’s does feel a bit naughty and I often worry that my neighbours migh have noticed several different men coming to my house (gives the curtain twitchers something to talk about).

Love I met her on Tinder and she said she was looking for a relationship, though I am already having doubts about how true that is. I will of course ask her directly about it though - I do wonder if her work time texts are vague and confusing due to time pressure rather than mindfuckery.

As for your date, not even supervised access to his kids? That's got to be the biggest red flag ever made, hasn't it?

Kin she might just be waiting for you to reply with ‘oh, don’t worry about being on your period, we don’t need to have sex, I just enjoy your company’ or something similar. I often panic if I have slept with someone early on that they won’t be interested next time if I can’t have sex with them. She might just need reassurance? Or she might just be looking for fwb.

Your right, it seems like a huge red flag. I asked him if his children live far away (thinking this could be the reason) but they are only about a hour and a half’s drive away. He has no contact at all. This seems really odd as I know many men that have been given contact despite not being that great of a parent or have no been abusive to their ex. He did talk about his children and how they used to take them on holidays and things.

Sounds like 2 is your man pudding:).

So...after feeling crap at being ignored for a few days, I sat back and didn't text Mr East End. He got in touch today and was very apologetic saying he knew he should have been in touch at the latest yesterday and knew he was in the wrong. He explained he wasn't after a relationship. We had a lovely chat and at least I now know he wasn't actually ghosting, just being a plonker. Restored my trust in my instincts that he was fundamentally decent.

I've been looking on other sites. Has anyone done Elite Singles? I've had a lot of men contact me but the quality is absolutely awful.

I often panic if I have slept with someone early on that they won’t be interested next time if I can’t have sex with them. She might just need reassurance?

The value of this thread... thanks Love - I've just spoken to her and that was exactly it; something that had not even crossed my mind.

As for the no access to kids, I'd be having very sinister thoughts about why that is I'm afraid to say.

Alison glad you heard something and have regained your faith in your instincts that are so, so important.

Maybe that is your cue to make the first move on profiles you do like the look of?

Thanks for all the replies routing for No2.

I was thinking I might be able to meet them all at some point if I am smart ;) I will update accordingly!

love it would be a caution for me that he doesn't see his kids. Not sure I would want anything to do with a guy who didn't.....maybe you need to dig a bit further. How old are they now?

My neighbours are fab and know about me being on tinder ;) The rest are all in their 80s and probably fast asleep by 9pm.

I turn my back for what seems no time at all to get more professional with this OLD stuff- and whoosh - two whole threads later......! At one point I thought everyone was either turning into a fab swinger or giving up dating for dogs!

Glad that Kin seems to be moving on; still holding my breath for Mr A Pudding and was kind of hoping that there would be another 50shades dial a soldier update ( i.e. the service has now been rolled out nationwide! Can't remember who posted that!).

Anyway, as I say I have been focussing on OLD and have taken all the brilliant advice on here very seriously to avoid emotional headfuckery. And I was doing quite well - a couple of dates with no-one I wanted to see again.... until I met someone who literally took my breath away, let's call him Mr M....had instant chemistry, a great laugh over a few dates and DTD ( finally worked out what MBs are!)... He works in UK and overseas so I knew he would be going away at some point for a few weeks. That has now happened; he messages every day - nothing love bomby... just the right level for me. In the meantime, I think, well much as I like him, I will line up some more irons (again, to protect myself from heartache) before he comes back at the end of April
(although there was talk of me meeting him overseas next month). The long and short is that I have a couple of irons lined up - they seem nice; I'm a bit meh, but in the spirit of not overly committing to Mr M, I'll meet up with them.

So smug cow that I am, having my cake and eating it, I'm looking at my messages this morning only to notice that Mr M has updated his profile. I felt physically sick. He has got to me. The emotional headfuck has started! And yes, I know, I know .. I am lining other guys up!

The advice I want of course is that he too is protecting himself and he will be running back into my arms in no time at all..... anyone? Please? runs off weeping in totally smitten state

Mr M has updated his profile... And yes, I know, I know .. I am lining other guys up!

Any chance he knows you are active on the OLD site(s) Tinder? Perhaps he is protecting himself for now and will be running back into my your arms in no time at all?

Very possibly Kin.... Thanks for that. It does make me feel a smidgeon better. Really hope you're right about the fact he knows I am active...and hope you can see why I am.

Know I'll being meeting these new irons very half-heartedly...

I totally understand why you are active Tinder which means I am also duty bound to understand why Mr M is too. I don't know him but perhaps he is only looking half-heartedly too?

Pudding I saw a photo of his kids when he opened how wallet, in the photo they looked quite young but it could have been a old photo, maybe they are older now and they have had some say in wether they want to see him or not. It does ring huge alarm bells, he did say he had been to court several times but got nowhere. Anyway he hasn’t messaged me since meeting, he said he would message me at some point, I don’t think I will chase after him as I’m not too bothered if he vanishes.

Kin glad you spoke to he and all is ok, communication is important as trying to guess what people mean can mess your head up, at least you had the guts to ask her a so it could be sorted out. Though I do often hide away for a few days once a month (for other people’s safety).

And I write people off because of the way their kitchen looks or the clothes they wear and that is why I am sitting at home reading this !

Let's hope so Kin..... Might have to follow Love's advice and actually communicate with him. Now, there's a thought.......!

tinderella that sucks that happened to me afer being lovebombed last year - he told me he deleted tinder and i had a friend log on in the area and arrange the men by “recently online” and he was top of the pile!

id ask him outright. what site is he using? have you updated your info? (ie does he definitely know you’ve been online)

I'm looking for someone with no kids but having kids but not being allowed access would be a massive red flag to me Love and I'd be turning that one back into the pond.

Pog no! You deserve way better than Mr MankyCock. Ugh, he was shagging god knows how many women and was too arrogant/stupid to use condoms. I'm a cynical bitch but if it were me I'd be thinking he was trying to play the nicey nicey emosh card to weedle his way back in for a shag or ten.

I was talking to two decentish blokes on Tinder for a few evenings, both talking loads on Tuesday night, long interesting/ed messages and then... nothing. From either of them. They both disappeared at the same time after being really chatty. I checked and I didn't send the wrong message to either of them. Bit annoying as I would have met up with both of them I think.

I'm getting tons of messages on POF but literally about 1 in 20 I'd consider worth engaging with. They all have kids, and/or are shortarses, live 2 hours away, are physically really not for me, have nothing in common, don't know the difference between your and you're... I think I might need to take a break soon, I'm getting jaded.

I'll keep talking to Mr DiamondMine on WhatsApp though as he's really lovely and great at keeping in touch even from Forrin where he is just now. We have a lot of interests in common but in terms of lifestyles/types... I'm concerned that men like him are really looking for more of a Kate MiddleClass English polished jolly hockey sticks type. You know the sort I mean and that ain't me.

Woaaaahhh! I am feeling on top of life at the moment so I have planned the following. If any of them can't do, tough, and it does depend on my dog being better.

Friday night: invite Mr Nothing Serious over, he can't stay as my ex will be coming early on Saturday morning cos I have to take one of my boys to a football tournament.

Saturday also happens to be my ex's bday, and for some ungodly fucking reason (cos he is playing nice at the moment and I know he is lonely). I offered to take him out for lunch, boys are at his this weekend.

Saturday after lunch I might go pick up Mr Dutch/ English as he's not driving and on the way back stop at a really beautiful garden, have a walk, then go for dinner maybe and go from there.

Sunday (I already told Mr Mysterious saturday would be the day, but its a bit difficult with the dog and fits in better with the others!) I have said i could drive to him, and he could show me one of the dog walks he does (if my dog is better). Meet for coffee and then walk. Weather dependent, its raining a lot here at the moment. Then as I drove, i can easily drive home.

None will risk ex seeing us (or anyone I know), which is a big plus, he doesn't need to know, it would cause merry hell.

Like buses, my new electrician was at my gym tonight, he's been checking me out subtly for ages. We met at my new house yesterday and he was looking quite hot. I might have given off some vibes. Anyway, across the gym, he insinuated on his phone to text him (I have his number, I need to tell him when my electricity is turned on). Smooooth. And he wasn't so subtle tonight. He is an interesting one and one that is growing on me the more I speak to him.

While I have been writing this, I actually burnt my rice. Happy International Woman's day #priorities

tinderella don't worry, eyes still on the prize, but I have decided to take as much of my mind off him as possible and just be open to what comes. I feel "cool" about it today, and keeping myself busy is good. Stops me asking him for dinner again! Long game.

Tinderella: feel comfortable enough to talk about it with him? i would say be honest, the intentions will come out and you know where you stand. But I probably wouldn't take my own advice. Take a day at a time, don't think too far ahead :)