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Original poster

Dating thread 130: dates with more issues than Vogue - mad March hares every one of 'em

999 replies

BeenThereDating · 28/02/2018 21:04

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Lostlily · 07/03/2018 17:28

Hi all. so wondering if you guys can tell me what you consider a healthy amount of time to spend with each other..
Mr Smiley and I have been 'dating' for several weeks now after a month of messaging. We have had the exclusivity talk 'prompted by him' and agreed to be gf/bf. We have had a good few sleepover and dates together and get on really well...
So far last three weeks, long break of five days in between seeing him. I go over to his 6-7pm Sunday evening and stop over sun and Monday night( He is at work all day Monday) So only really two evenings. Is this enough do you think? am I being too demanding wanting to see him a bit more??

changeoflife · 07/03/2018 17:39

lost for me in the early stages of dating this would be enough. I guess if it looks like it would never change because of commitments on both sides I would question the longevity of the relationship. Why is it restricted to just those nights?

I'm stupidly nervous about tonight. Shouldn't be as it's not like it's a real first date..... and there was me thinking I was over this man!

ValMc1 · 07/03/2018 17:59

Umm - just been messaging a really nice sounding man - problem is he is only 49 - he doesn't seem fazed by the age difference but me ....

Kinunir · 07/03/2018 18:22

Val Once you start down the dark path... you'll love it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman dating a younger man.

Lostlily · 07/03/2018 18:27

I just think 1 or 2 nights and then five days apart is going to make it very slow moving? Maybe I'm wrong.
Perhaps I am putting too much focus on this relationship as its probably one of the only good things I've got going on at the moment Hmm

wondering if I should've agreed the gf/bf thing because I will get bored of not seeing him all week if this went on long term

Kinunir · 07/03/2018 18:33

For me lost 1-2 nights a week is ideal early on as I tend to be far busier than I am now. I guess it's personal preference and what you feel is ideal in terms of how often you see each other.

ValMc1 · 07/03/2018 18:36

Kin - I think I might but just need to make sure I can face myself in the morning lol

And men are just like buses - my subscription to Our Time runs out tomorrow and have just had a message from someone who I really like the look of - he has suggested we swop numbers so think I will - the first man who I've thought ohhh on there and it cost me £40.

ignoringthechoc · 07/03/2018 18:37

Did anyone else hear Nic Grimshaw on radio 1 this morning discussing his dating life, he was on tinder/ pof one of them for a week then deleted it as he just couldn't face having another conversation! That's kind of how I feel so have hidden profile on pof for a bit and going to see how trying to meet people in real life more works out. I am seeing someone very casually who is local so will also see how that goes, although I have said I don't see it being a long term thing, he is growing on me a bit :)
Val why not meet and decide after that whether the age is an issue?
Glad people are having good dates, I am going to go and watch this Amy person!
Change good luck, hope it goes well tonight
Pudding hope the dog is better, my old one (14) is looking very doddery now :( and gets v annoyed with the daft spaniel, as do I!

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2018 18:37

Lost I would be happy with seeing someone once or twice a week for the first few months (maybe even 6 months), I would worry about rushing, the first few months are the best, getting to know each other but not spending so much time together that you have to expereance their bad points. I think if I do find anyone I will be taking it as slow as possible, I love my own time and my own space too much.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 07/03/2018 18:41

lostlily to be honest it doesn't sound ideal to me plus my thought is that if you are just starting out then surely you want to see each other as much as possible ?

Was going to ask a Q about a guy who messaged me and who seems very bitter about women not agreeing to more than one date - has basically ranted and raved a bit . The Q was - will I give him a chance but I think he has just answered that Q himself by saying me 2 back to back posts saying that men make arrangements with women and then disappear to " get them back " for men taking the time to spend money, time etc and then rejecting them . Blimey I though the point of chat was to give a good impression not to make out you are some kind of evil scheming psycho ? Shock

ValMc1 · 07/03/2018 18:42

Lost - 2/3 night per week suited me perfectly in my last relationship and I'm not looking for more than that at the moment - no football/cooking/loo seat up for 4 days a week - heaven - I can see my friends or slob - my choice.

ValMc1 · 07/03/2018 18:46

Bloody I would avoid that one like the plague

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 07/03/2018 18:53

Defo Val

Lostlily · 07/03/2018 18:54

Yeah I think I am just a bit down and maybe expecting too much. He is totally lovely and messages me throughout each day. I just have a lot of crappy stuff going on so time with him is a nice distraction and I cant get enough of that Wink lol

Bloody he does sound like he has issues, the OLD thing seems to make people 'types' of OLD people rather than just types of 'people'.
I have noticed this.

Kinunir · 07/03/2018 18:57

about women not agreeing to more than one date

What does this say about HIM?

esk1mo · 07/03/2018 19:02

lost sounds about right to me Smile especially since you are staying 2 nights in a row - you dont want it to burn out too quickly and get sick of each other. maybe once or twice a month you could meet for lunch or something but not actually stay over - although i know thats hard!

Alison100199 · 07/03/2018 20:33

Ok I'm struggling and really need some support. Am stopping myself from texting flaky Mr East End but the issue I have is every time I have an OLD rejection it triggers all sorts of old feelings of being on my own, lonely and crap. How can I stop feeling so bad and grow a thicker skin?

esk1mo · 07/03/2018 20:42

alison i understand. i think distraction helps alot, even if its superficial. are you speaking to anyone else? if not, could you get some matches/irons even just to talk with for a couple of days?

or meet up with some friends, go to the cinema, do something nice for yourself. the only “good” thing to come from being ghosted is the knowledge that its never because of you, its always them, and they will have done this to many girls before you, and many girls after you. it hurts that you couldnt be the one to “change” them, but its his loss. if he is the type of man to do that to you, then why would you want him in your life?

ive heard it helps to imagine them in not-so-flattering situations eg on the toilet! or, list all of his bad points, and list all of your good points.

when & what was the last communication you had?

esk1mo · 07/03/2018 20:45

i also listen to this song

Banks - Fuck With Myself

it might not be everyones cup of tea but the message is good!

ValMc1 · 07/03/2018 20:46

Well Mr my age and looks lovely just sent me me a very boring message with his phone number - nah

Locotion · 07/03/2018 20:50

You guys are awesome :)
My iron say he would be free after 30/40 mins as was eating dinner again. Hilarious. Next!!!

Alison100199 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Thanks. Yes I did get back on and I do get a lot if interest from men as I'm actually quite a good catch so had loads of matches tonight :). The trouble is they are all not my type/unattractive which just made me feel more depressed. I think I'll have a bath and go to bed early to read. This thread is so helpful so thanks everyone.
The last communication was a vague 'Sorry can't. Another time' on Monday night after I'd suggested meeting. But this was on top of several days of being evasive. Now silence. He ticks all the boxes of someone who is pulling away.

Kinunir · 07/03/2018 21:15

Val No excuses now then, meet the 49 year old!

Alison Unfortunately, rejection in its many shapes and forms is a common thing with OLD but there's a good reason for that - for every decent person like us doing it, there are a hundred twats who could never get a date in real life ghosting, flaking and dickwadding their way through a virtual existence.

It doesn't say anything about you but if it's getting you down, perhaps a short break is in order?

P.S. I hope Mr East End isn't someone I know Angry

Alison100199 · 07/03/2018 21:20

Does his name begin with R Kinunir? :)

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2018 21:44

Alison I hate the rejection part of OLD too, would love to say it gets easier but then I get knocked again. I usually have a day of feeling sorry for myself and then I try and move on by finding someone new to talk too.