I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Au pair told me while I was away at weekend, she heard h telling ds he was stupid & lazy for wetting the bed he's only 4, just started school, and dd did it too when she was younger

Au pair asked that I don't go home when it's only h there and advised what time her and dc would arrive home this evening.

Ah pair has yours and your children's backs. Good.
Your poor kids.

100% agree - do not be in house with him by yourself

She's right. When does the court order kick in?.

I go there tomorrow morning fluffy

She definitely has my back that's for sure. She's a gem.

Catalogue that thing he said to the au pair too, mammy. That's emotional abuse towards DS. Tell DS loads of DC wet the bed and it's no big deal. My DS did for ages and so did my DB's DD and my DSis's DS nearly into their teens, both of them. It's got nothing to do with anything.

He's a bastard to say that to such a tiny little vulnerable little boy. The sooner you're rid of him the better. If the barring order gets him out of the house go for that. That has made me so angry. Can't understand people being mean to small children.

Surrey the first sentence made no sense - catalogue what the au pair told you he said to DS it should be!

apileofballyhoo I will do. Ds knows that, and his sister wet the bed for a long time and my db did too, we joke and say he stopped when he was about 15, he was perhaps 10! Ds isn't bothered by it at all. But he definitely doesn't need to hear that after just starting school.

I knew what you meant.

I've been mulling over protection/safety vs barring and I think I'm going to go for a barring order. I waited six months before engaging with a solicitor as I wanted to be fair to both of us and work out the separation using mediation. That got me absolutely nowhere and now six months later I'm no further along than I was.

I will see if my solicitor hears anything from his by next monday and if not I'll change the order I want then.

I got good news today, I applied for legal aid and they've deemed me eligible! Six months waiting list but it's great news

Oh that is such good news!.

Just found your thread Mammy. So sorry you're going through this. Sending virtual & unmumsnetty hugs & wishing you strength to get through this, which you will.

That is good news mammy.

mammy that is great news.
Hope ds is ok

mammy I've been reading but not posting, but I wanted to say that be strong..

I got away from an abusive exH many years ago ( he left me when Ds was only 2weeks old , best thing he could have ever done) but still wanted to regain his 'right' to access and ultimately to try and control our lives.. It took much longer to break free than it should have done because i kept the contact up for my Ds (because I thought it was right to be 'fair' and DS has sadly got mucked up mentally by his nark father, because he was totally incapable of being one and made it all about him) .

Just wanted to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. but its the ongoing damage to your young Dcs that you need to nip in the bud straight away if you can. I have always wished that I hadn't made it so easy for exH to continue to wreck our lives , by giving him open access to Ds as he used it as a stick to beat us (not literally) with for almost 16 years and I know its affected Ds mental health .. ..

I dont even know where Exh is now and I dont care one jot.. I do know he married again (Thai bride,.. poor thing)

Great news re legal aid, mammy. Sorry for what had happened to your DS, Laska. I think you make a very good point. Sometimes I'm sure little or no contact would be better than contact with an abusive parent, even if that abuse is emotional and subtle. It's a very difficult thing to get it right because obviously contact is so important in the ordinary run of things.

Ds is ok thanks, he's taken to sitting on my lap and cuddling up again in the evening, last week he needed some alone time in the evenings because of being surrounded by people all day at school.

Thanks north & laska

I was in bed early with a hot water bottle last night as I've developed a head cold, slept well but have been tossing things over in my mind again now for past hour.
If I get barring order will he be able to attend things like children's birthday parties and occasions like that & what happens for Christmas etc?

Laska thanks again for sharing your story I'm sure it hurts to drag it up again. It's like you can't do right for doing wrong isn't it? You were doing it for your ds.

Hope today is OK op - solicitor should advise you - you are doing the right thing

Interim order granted - very straight forward

Fantastic news! Keep strong. Hopefully soon this will all be behind you.

👍💪🏻 hopefully

Mammy, thinking of you and proud of your strength. G'wan ya good thing!

What does the interim order cover mammy?

It affords me same protection as a full order until the court date in less than two weeks so he'll be arrested if he's verbally Or physically abusive towards me

Good - that's a great result -!!!! - the fact that the judge granted it will send a message to his family also - he can't hide now

They won't be aware of it daphne