The person in question very cleverly befriended his then-very-unhappy-and-jealous-of-me sister as a way of staying close to my DH. It was a long time ago and said sister is now transformed and going to marry a lovely man and I am truly happy for her.
But it was a terrible betrayal, just at the point where I had allowed myself to let my guard down and love someone for the first (and only) time. It took us many many years for the scars to fade. The sister's profound unhappiness at the time meant I couldn't really stand up for myself - it would have been kicking someone when they're down.
My oh was only 23/24 at the time but he handled it very badly. He has a flaw in his otherwise lovely nature which is that he cannot bear to be the bad guy and would rather be polite than piss off someone in order to be loyal to me. like I say, the woman in question was very tactical in befriending the sister.
the person is from the place where we met and used that to the full so we "lost" those memories iyswim.
I kept this all inside after the initial awful period but it would come out in anger for years afterwards. Thankfully it faded after the children were born.
I don't know what I'm asking tbh. Does anyone understand?
my strategy will, I think, be to bury my head in the sand and hope to christ my sil does not put us on the same table as the person i would love never to have existed. It's only one day. but it's weird to feel the pain again.
my sil's view (we have only rarely discussed this) is that she is not responsible for my dh's actions and she is, of course, right. She was highly depressed at the time and so even I said that to her - she was too vulnerable iyswim. So my oh tied himself in knots...