Why am I feeling this hurt over a guy I barely know?

[SassyS89]

Just this really. I met a guy a couple of weeks ago on POF. We seemed to have very good convo which naturally flowed. We both said we wanted to settle down and was basically looking for a life partner. We exchanged numbers and spoke on whatsapp very often. We spoke on the phone and video chat and we just seemed to have a strong connection. This was confirmed when we met in person. We went on two dates, both of which went very well and felt like we had known each other for ages. We had a lot of fun and lots of banter. I genuinely felt like I hadn't had an instant connection with anyone the way I had with him.

He looked in my eyes and told me that he only wanted to get to know me (he was also talking to 2 other women on POF) and said that he could see us being together in the future and claimed that he was no longer talking to the other women. We ended up sleeping together on the second date. Everything seemed fine the next day and left each other voice notes saying how we really enjoyed the weekend and how we would not want anything to mess up the connection we had.

On Monday I left him a voice note asking if he wanted to go cinema over the weekend. Later on that same day I sent him a message about general stuff. He listened to the voice note and read the messages but not replied. I questioned it to myself but as he was at work I just assumed he was busy. Cut a long story short he has been ignoring my messages and phone calls ever since.

I hardly know this guy but I feel extremely hurt. I think it was evil of him to look me in my eyes and feed me a whole lot of bullshit just to sleep with me when he could have got it from someone else who was specifically after that. He will not give me an explanation as to why he has been ignoring me out of the blue. He does a radio show on weekends and when listening today he mentioned that he went and saw the film that I asked him if he wanted to go and see with me. This really hit a nerve.

He was obviously just after sex but I don't understand why this is affecting me a lot more than it should. Especially when I barely know this guy! Someone please put some sense into me!

So - by your logic - if OP waited longer, and slept with him later - that would have prevented him from dissapearing?

No one is ‘promoting’ causal sex. And neither it’s a bad or a good thing. It’s up to everyone to decide what they want and how.

Yep , I've not seen anyone promote casual sex. It happens.

No, she would have realised he was just looking for sex. That would have been very clear. It's quite simple really. Someone who is looking for just sex isn't really going to put that much effort into getting it. And it's not "by my logic" it's common sense!

Kitty - how do you know what he was looking for?

It’s equally as plausible - that he was an OK person, and was open to a relationship - but the physical chemistry didn’t work for him.
Are you in his head?

And it’s also possible to ‘hold’ out for a few dates, get relaxed into that - and start liking each other - and then realise sex isn’t working.....

There is a difference between wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be in a relationsion WITH you.

All we know for sure is that he didn’t want to continue WITH OP. Evythijg else is speculation.

Lots of men use dating sites for no strings sex. So yes although it's speculation it's actually very very common. So it's more than likely that's what he was after.

If OP had held out it would have been more obvious if he was after sex or not , the point is after 2 dates you really just don't know ! But after more dates you get to understand if their actions match their talk and make a better character assessment . More the reason to wait and get to know a person !

A lot of men would get up on a hairy hand.