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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 129 - Time to put a new spring in your step

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 21/02/2018 20:14

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
lastnicknamefree · 28/02/2018 11:49

Thanks kin

And all the best runs

Vistaverde · 28/02/2018 12:02

last what an awful thing to do. Why does common decency and manners seem to go out of the window when it comes to OLD?

Runs Good luck for your course and I hope the space does you some good. Sadly in Yorkshire so a bit far for me.

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 12:10

eating that is really bad. What a complete bastard. Awful for you and for the wife he is prepared to cheat on too.

last - it couldn't be snow issues or anything like that could it?

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 12:16

Runs - wise move I think. You have to put yourself first and feel happy with your own life and state of mind.

Enjoy the course.

pudding21 · 28/02/2018 12:17

eating and last: jeeez what is it with these people!! Karma hopefully will bite them both on the ass. Wankers.

Date loosely arranged for Friday night with Mr Dutch/english. He is funny. He chats well. He is not in the slightest bit pervy.

lastnicknamefree · 28/02/2018 12:17

margo of course the snow could get him stuck in traffic or late. Or even not able to make it. But unless he lost the use of his arms or hands in the 20 minutes of arranging to supposedly turning up, it does not explain or excuse him leaving me sitting waiting or ignoring my call and text asking if he was coming Angry

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 12:29

last that is all very true. In that case he is probably a massive, rude, inconsiderate, arse.

pudding great news about Mr/Dutch-English on Friday.

BeenThereDating · 28/02/2018 13:04

Runs I'm sure the break will give you a chance to centre yourself again. Good luck.

Last this standing someone up lark seems to be a new game for some people / new low. I don't know how daters can pick up on it though.

Eating Flowers

Kanga I have a slightly different take on that bloke saying women become all clingy and needy. He's telling you he's not in the market for a relationship. He wants a fuck buddy on his terms who won't hassle him. The minute you ask to see him again or ask for a repeat performance when it's not convenient for him you'll be written off as clingy and needy.

Skyrabbit · 28/02/2018 13:44

runs sorry you're feeling not so great, keeping yourself busy is probably a good idea!
last wtf is wrong with people? Unless he's recently fallen into a coma or had both his hands removed, there's no excuse for not texting to cancel.

My 5 dater has gone quiet 🙄 he said last week he wanted to see more of me but understood that it was difficult (for him - he doesn't fucking drive!) and we'd talk this week about it, and I've barely heard from him since. Fuck it. I'm not begging!

No other irons on the go 🙁 Slim pickings out there!

Skyrabbit · 28/02/2018 13:44

Why doesn't my phone do paragraphs??!!!!!!

NewYear2019 · 28/02/2018 14:09

eating poor you, it's horrible when you feel a connection and then find out they're lying about not being married. Presumably the marriage isn't great or he wouldn't be dating but he really should wait until he's properly divorced/separated to start something. How did you find out?

Last being stood up is awful. I don't know why they do it, try not to let it put you off though, there are decent guys out there (allegedly) I guess the men on the thread prove that Smile

Pogmella · 28/02/2018 14:16

My guy sent me something nice of anyone was wondering.

An interesting exercise in my own emotions, I went from 'Oh God I'll miss him so much' to 'Ah cool well that was fun, hope youre not riddled with disease' in about 2 seconds flat...

Think I'm also gonna duck out for a bit, but I'll be lurking...

Kinunir · 28/02/2018 14:19

POF:

417 profiles viewed
14 messages sent
10 replies
2 coherent conversations
0 sense of humour

I agree, Sky pickings are slim indeed!

Vistaverde · 28/02/2018 14:27

Kin Any more luck with Tinder or are the pickings slim there too. It's comforting to know that's its not just us women who struggle to find interesting and articulate people.

Vistaverde · 28/02/2018 14:28

Pog I wish you all the best and hope to see you back again soon.

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 14:28

Oh Pog, sorry to hear that.

Kinunir · 28/02/2018 14:30

Tinder has certainly been better Vista:

64 matches
25 messages sent
21 replies
5 good conversations with humour
2 coffee dates arranged
2 coffee dates cancelled
LOL

I must admit, I am a fussy so-and-so though, looking for a modicum of intelligence, a smidge of humour, solvency and ok looks.

kangamam · 28/02/2018 14:37

Margo and pudding you are both right, it isn't!! But I am a massive over thinker. I just find it so strange that we had such a lovely time, he's still messaging very enthusiastically with long messages etc but no making plans. I don't even mind if they aren't right now, I just want to know we aren't just pen pals!

Vet he hasn't so much said that, just said some girls after first dates had got possessive and needy. At the time, I assumed he just meant some of what I had dealt with - getting angry if there aren't immediate texts back and wanting to see each other instantly and being angry if it's not possible. But now I've seen how he hasn't mentioned the second date, I'm starting to wonder whether that's what it is. Glad to hear it's normal to want to discuss this though!!

Eating that is awful!! Do you know if they're separated and just living together or is he wanting an affair? (Although to be honest it's hard to know the difference really, it would be better if he'd laid off OLD until they at least aren't leaving together!). What a shame.

Last we have been messaging to and fro since the date, initiated by him. I haven't mentioned the date yet. I'm not sure how to work it in. Bloody hell, I can't believe they stood you up when you only made arrangements this morning!! That is horrendous behaviour, I hope you're ok. It's almost like it's a kick, like you say.

BeenThere that thought did cross my mind. And i think the best way to find that out is probably to just ask and see his response. If he disappears, then what you're saying is clearly the case, and it's no loss.

Oh blehhhh, I hate dating!!

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 14:53

Stick with it Kin. I was in despair 10 days ago, having only had one date and now I've had a lovely date & feel a lot better about it all.

kanga definitely ask him, you'll go nuts otherwise. I'm an over-thinker too & it is a massive waste of brain space (if you have a small brain like me). Given my mental restrictions, I prefer to know, even if it means killing an otherwise ok text type conversation.

NewYear2019 · 28/02/2018 15:33

Kin can you wink on Pof? Tbh I wouldn't write to anyone on Match who viewed my profile unless they also winked or messaged, I'd assume they'd viewed my profile and not liked it.

Kinunir · 28/02/2018 15:40

I will stick with it Margo - done it before and know it could take years to find someone decent - it's the two cancellations that have left me feeling a bit peed off as I'd kept Saturday clear and now have little time to make alternative plans.

No winking on POF New. If I'd only messaged women who viewed my profile first, and who weren't from this thread, then I wouldn't have sent any at all!!!!

Techgirldating2018 · 28/02/2018 16:09

Just swiping left through Tinder and why oh why do so many men over 50 think a blurry photo of them in a hi vis jacket/waistcoat is a good look?
Just wondering...

MargoLovebutter · 28/02/2018 16:19

Tech, so true, although I think that it's a slightly better look that the sweaty bare chest paunch with can of lager in hand, which seems an equally popular option.

ignoringthechoc · 28/02/2018 17:15

Aw Crap, just typed a looong message with thoughtful, insightful and hilarious comments for everyone then computer crashed and deleted it. My words of wisdom gone forever! Probably for the best I talk shite and can advise no one on affairs of the heart :)
Vista good luck tonight with Mr SA and Margo I like the sound of Mr Wales.
Hope everyone else is ok and those taking a break Pog & Runs , feel better for it. I agree with Kin its a numbers thing which takes patience. Tech there are many hi vis jackets and also scowls? I don't message anyone who isn't smiling in at least one photo, although when I am bored after kids have gone to bed I am guilty of talking to some random people about random stuff :)

Techgirldating2018 · 28/02/2018 17:17

I know, imagine if women did a similar thing... ok maybe they do.
I only see the men. kinunir scary women poses to avoid?.