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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you date someone accused of attacking wife (now separated)

127 replies

Velvetrevolution · 19/02/2018 21:17

This sounds a stupid question but would you rule out a second date with someone who had been arrested for attacking their wife? Imprisoned over the weekend but no charges brought. Presumably alleged physical assault, don’t know details.

OP posts:
Perendinate · 19/02/2018 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragusa · 19/02/2018 21:19

No. Never. They may be innocent but I CBA to risk my health and happiness finding out. You don't get arrested for nothing.

Velvetbee · 19/02/2018 21:20

No.

Icepink39 · 19/02/2018 21:20

No i wouldnt if they done that to there wife then what could they do to you

Backenette · 19/02/2018 21:21

Absolutely not, no.

I’m sure he will spin you a most convincing story as to why he’s a poor innocent land though,

windchimesabotage · 19/02/2018 21:21

No, because I stupidly started a relationship with someone who was accused of assault (in my defence I was only 21 at the time) and they predictably went on to seriously assault me.

afreshnewname · 19/02/2018 21:22

Yes, because we all know one spiteful bitch that would lie to cause trouble for an ex.

First sign of any aggression towards me is where I would draw the line

Glitterandunicorns · 19/02/2018 21:22

Definitely not. If they have been violent to one partner, it's very likely they would be violent towards others.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/02/2018 21:22

No

Lookatyourwatchnow · 19/02/2018 21:22

Absolutely never

MayFayner · 19/02/2018 21:22

No

cloudyweewee · 19/02/2018 21:23

Of course not. Who in their right mind would even consider it? â‚©

Bluedoglead · 19/02/2018 21:23

No

Arapaima · 19/02/2018 21:23

No. Maybe he is innocent, but probably he isn’t. Why take the risk?

fuzzywuzzy · 19/02/2018 21:24

Afreshnewname, I don’t know any woman who’s lied about their ex beating them up.

Unfortunately know plenty of women who downplay having had the living daylights beaten it of them.

Katjolo · 19/02/2018 21:25

No

TieGrr · 19/02/2018 21:25

Absolutely not. I do know someone that was falsely accused by a vindictive ex but I also know someone who nearly murdered his ex-wife while they were separated.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 19/02/2018 21:25

Sounds as if whatever the truth they have too much going on in their life at the moment for a relationship. Tell them to concentrate on sorting out their current issues first before getting involved with someone else.

Backenette · 19/02/2018 21:26

Pressed send too soon. There will be a story he spins you which will involve a crazy banshee like ex and any number of other cliches.

This is where you politely step away. Or you believe his story and in six months it’s you calling the police

BiologyMatters · 19/02/2018 21:26

No. He's either abusive or there's a vindictive ex in the background. Nobodys worth that kind of aggro.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/02/2018 21:26

No of course not.

AnyFucker · 19/02/2018 21:27

Only if I was fucking desperate

Fundays12 · 19/02/2018 21:28

Yes my now husband I dated him and married him he has never hit me in the 10 years we have been together but his crazy ex who lied and had him put in jail for the weekend went on to do the same to another 3 men. All were arrested and released without charge and she eventually got a warning about her lies.

You need to be careful though as sometimes the man may have hit but on the other hand it could be some crazy woman with a grudge.

Blackbutler86 · 19/02/2018 21:28

Nope sorry absolutely 100% no

AthenasOwl · 19/02/2018 21:28

Absolutely fucking not.