Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you date someone accused of attacking wife (now separated)

127 replies

Velvetrevolution · 19/02/2018 21:17

This sounds a stupid question but would you rule out a second date with someone who had been arrested for attacking their wife? Imprisoned over the weekend but no charges brought. Presumably alleged physical assault, don’t know details.

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 19/02/2018 21:29

No. Run a mile.

SaintEyning · 19/02/2018 21:29

i did and it ended predictably. He never hit me, but was physically intimidating and the next day I left. I wish I had left at date 2.

RhubarbTea · 19/02/2018 21:29

No!!

DullAndOld · 19/02/2018 21:30

" yes because we all know one spiteful bitch that would lie to cause trouble for an ex. "

er no, I don't know any women who have invented being attacked, sorry,

pringlecat · 19/02/2018 21:30

It depends. If I'd only met him on the first date, no. Not worth the risk.

If he was a male friend I had known for 10 years before deciding to give dating a go, then yes. Because I'd know him well enough to know the allegations weren't true.

StellaHeyStella · 19/02/2018 21:31

Really?

I'd run for the hills and never look back.

caringdenise009 · 19/02/2018 21:31

No. I did. They lovely man showed me his true colours once I was 8 1/2 months pregnant.

greendale17 · 19/02/2018 21:31

Depends if you think he did it?

AdalindSchade · 19/02/2018 21:32

Not a chance

greendale17 · 19/02/2018 21:32

yes because we all know one spiteful bitch that would lie to cause trouble for an ex.

^I agree.

AdalindSchade · 19/02/2018 21:33

You need to be careful though as sometimes the man may have hit but on the other hand it could be some crazy woman with a grudge

You say that as if they are as likely as each other. They are not.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2018 21:33

No.fucking.way.

Elementtree · 19/02/2018 21:33

No. Why would you? You're not obligated to uphold an innocent till proven guilty bar for dating and, very best case scenario, you have a crazy ass ex in the background but, more likely, you'd be investing in a relationship with a violent thug.

Hellywelly10 · 19/02/2018 21:34

I met a guy who had to pick up and drop off his kids at the police station during access. He didn't even get a snog out of me. Put me right off when he told me. Why do you ask?

InternetHoopJumper · 19/02/2018 21:37

No way. Even if an ex had lied, the police don't just arrest someone merely on someone else's say-so, particularly not in cases of domestic violence. Furthermore, I have personally seen the police being dismissive of a woman's claim of being beaten, even though me and a few others saw it happen.

Run for the hills!

drainsup · 19/02/2018 21:39

My husband was arrested and released without charge for an alleged assault on his estranged daughter. He was innocent as I was with him and I was the one that was assaulted. She was the aggressor. He acted in a defensive capacity to protect me and the court ruled in his favour. It was all lies and vindictiveness on her part. I'm not saying I would do some more digging in your case OP, but not everything is as it seems. As far as I know, if there is evidence of an assault, wouldn't matter if the accuser withdrew charges, the police would pursue.

How did you find out?

Alanna1 · 19/02/2018 21:45

I don’t know; probably not, unless I really liked him. But if I really liked him, maybe. It’s not that uncommon in separations for there to be mutual accusations of violence for example, and I think I’d feel differently about mutual violence issues, if I believed it was mutual. There’s also differences in the nature of assaults, I think, and the context - a classic example is a woman who slaps a man when she finds out he has cheated on her. That’s still an assault.

ThisLittleKitty · 19/02/2018 21:46

No not now. I continued to date my ex after I found out he went to prison for DV. In my defence I was 21 and very immature wish I had ran for the hills, as he went on the he violent to me on many occasions. I also don't know any women who have lied about being hit, how very odd.

parklives · 19/02/2018 21:51

Never. Ever.

Eolian · 19/02/2018 21:58

Not in a million years. Yes, of course there's a tiny possibility he was innocent, but why take the risk? There are plenty of men out there who haven't been arrested for assault. Even a suspicion of something like that would be a big nope for me!

Shockers · 19/02/2018 22:00

Nope.

Notamorningperson84 · 19/02/2018 22:00

Why take the risk? It's much more likely he did it than she's lying.

Protect yourself.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 19/02/2018 22:02

Nope. No way.

YetAnotherUser · 19/02/2018 22:02

Depends on the credibility of the accusation.

FlippingFoal · 19/02/2018 22:03

I should imagine the number that have been arrested and released due to their ex dropping charges (possibly due to intimidation) far outnumbers those who have been falsely accused. How would you tell the difference - you would just have to wait for them to hit you...

I'd steer well clear.

Swipe left for the next trending thread