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Original poster

Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

445 replies

betrayedorcrazy · 18/02/2018 10:41

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

OP posts:
Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 21/02/2018 09:39

Ffs. I don't check the phone bill every month. If I did then I would have found this 4 months ago when It happened. I said I download the phone bill every month, this is because we have business phones and paid extra for free 0345 numbers which we got charged for in error. So I just stick all of the phone bills in file, I haven't taken a blind but if notice of who he is calling or texting on non business numbers.
I didn't have an unhealthy relationship. I have never looked at his phone before, I never had any reason to. This was all sparked by me getting WhatsApp and having a look round the features and realising he was lying.
You are right that it is now not a healthy relationship, and one that I can't see carrying on. But I want to get to the bottom of it and I'll do that my way.

OP posts:
Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 21/02/2018 09:41

No he doesn't know I intend to track him. I don't think it would work if I say do you mind if I track you to see if you visit a hooker tomorrow.

OP posts:
weehedgehog · 21/02/2018 09:45

betrayed, do what you need to do to get to the bottom of it. I've been there, and it's horrible when you know something isn't right but you are denied knowledge of what that is, and the extent of the betrayal. Also, you will need it because when the relationship breaks apart he will blame you and turn it against you. You need hard proof and evidence to not doubt yourself and to stand firm that he is indeed the piece of s*it.

Seaweed42 · 21/02/2018 09:52

How do you know it's the same hooker as the phone number you found that was texted 4 months ago? Couldn't there be other ones with numbers that have been called or texted from whatsapp?

bitzy12 · 21/02/2018 10:03

@betrayedorcrazy you just do what you need to, ignore anyone on here who says otherwise. I'd be doing exactly the same if I was in your position. I can't believe people are saying otherwise, what is she supposed to do? Let him take her for a mug? Let him go sleep with a prostitute because it's her fault she snooped and found out?

Cheaters lie, doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. If she was to ask him the truth, they lie. They make the other person feel like they are going crazy. They get angry and make the other person feel bad. Therefore if op asked him, she would be none the wiser and he would go to every effort to cover his tracks even further.

Therefore she's done absolutely nothing wrong by snooping. She's now got to carry on as normal whilst feeling absolutely heartbroken. Op needs support, not to be told she's in the wrong for looking at his phone. She's got her wits about her and I admire her for that

UtterlyRainbowed · 21/02/2018 10:12

I can't believe OP is being berated for snooping. Really? He is potentially sleeping with prostitutes and you're more concerned with the fact she looked at his phone. He could be exposing her to sexual diseases and compromising her health but poor him. Jesus wept.

Hope you're okay OP. Please, please book an appointment to be tested for sexual diseases. Your gut is your friend always listen to it

Pogmella · 21/02/2018 10:19

Betrayed agree with pps- get yourself some hard proof. He'll keep denying until he realises he can't anymore (and say hes leaving because you're crazy Hmm ) I found receipts for gifts my STBXH had bought the OW and he came up with some crazy story and gave me a hug and said he didn't mind me asking because he knew I was struggling with grief for my mum. Literally 4 days later after more odd behavuour looked at his phone and there it all was.

Similar to another pp I can tell the exact time it started, the shift in his behaviour was instantaneous.

isthismylifenow · 21/02/2018 11:04

Betrayed, you absolutely do not need to justify yourself regarding looking at the phone. Or the bills. Or anything for that matter. You knew something was up, and acted on it.

Poshsausage · 21/02/2018 11:10

Oh this is such a shame to read op
I tried following the wa advice on here but turns out he seems to have blocked me so I’m expecting similar results !

isthismylifenow · 21/02/2018 11:15

Who blocked you Posh? Your DP/DH?

magicstar1 · 21/02/2018 11:20

Oh I'm so sorry OP...but if you do go around there tomorrow, please bring your friend as back up. If he is with the prostitute, you will need her support.

Bigbertha123 · 21/02/2018 11:22

I can’t believe the nonsense I’m reading berating OP for looking at the phone etc!! And all rubbish about it not being a healthy relationship. It was a healthy 20 year relationship until her “D”H started lying about whatsapp and texting prostitutes. Nice victim blaming, hopefully the DH won’t victim blame too, although I’m sure he will.

You’re doing exactly the right thing OP. The vast majority of us support you and applaud you for your strength. Agree get everything sorted financially and then get some hard evidence.

Poshsausage · 21/02/2018 11:24

Yes my husband . I saw a wa message come on his phone the other night and I thought it weird as I know he’s on it for work etc . But I’ve beem suspicious for a while but can’t get hold of his phone or laptop so I have to sit and wait it out until I have proof
So sorry for op this is so rubbish

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2018 11:28

OP, this is awful, so sorry this has happened.

Good plan to try and catch him out tomorrow. But Jesus, what will you do afterwards?

But you're right, you need to get to the bottom of this one way or another.

QueenDaisy · 21/02/2018 12:14

OP, sorry to read this Update, I hope you have success tomorrow in catching him out & like another PP said, you need to go get checked out at a clinic Flowers

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 21/02/2018 13:02

Thank you for all the latest supportive messages. I really don't understand how some people wouldn't look.
I dont know if he sent 2 messages and that's it, or if it's an ongoing thing, and even if it is ongoing if it's the same woman. The messages are a sackable offence but I want to try and get the whole story before I confront him. I figured he can't come up with an excuse if I'm waiting outside her house. I'm shaking at the thought of it.
I told my friend who was horrified. We had to involve her husband as the hooker said she wouldn't make a booking by text and wanted a phone call. After he called she sent a text confirming her address. I'm confused now by the fact my husband had 2 texts but no call. If she won't book by text why did he text her again. Guess it either means he didn't make a booking, or he did book by text which means he must have booked her through a site first and it's been going on longer than I thought. Also if WhatsApp or fb are involved then she's not going to friend people who have never been.
God this is fucking my head up!
I'll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow. If anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 21/02/2018 13:04

And to answer the question of (if I catch him) what I will do afterwards?
Be in prison for murder probably!

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 21/02/2018 13:15

you can also call using WhatsApp and that doesn't show on phone bills I believe and its very easy for him to take out someones contact etc or any previous calls or WhatsApp conversations. If he has an iPhone, Im pretty sure imessages don't show either in texts .

If you catch him actually there then obviously you don't need to take it further snooping wise. If you don't, i would definitely use WhatsDetective first to see if he is using it much, as the fact he was on there checking when you are out and then telling you he doesn't use it is very suspicious and its likely he is using it for something.
Please don't feel bad for snooping. Like me you had no reason to until you do! Its not as if you were doing this the last 20 years. When your whole life is tied up work/business wise too, its very easy for people not in that situation to say its not a healthy situation, no it isn't, but nor is suddenly finding that there is stuff going down you know nothing about and it isn't as if you have done this without some suspicious behaviour. If nothing is going on--well that's great, but it sounds like it is here. An old expression is 'those with nothing to hide, hide nothing'! and whilst not strictly true I can honestly say the only stuff I hide and wouldn't want seen is mumsnet posts!

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 21/02/2018 13:48

Thanks yetmorecrap. I will get to look at your pm tonight as he's on an appointment. I have just nipped out to post a letter and 5 mins later he's on WhatsApp.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2018 13:50

I have just nipped out to post a letter and 5 mins later he's on WhatsApp

That's not good. Really feeling for you here, OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 21/02/2018 13:58

I really don't understand how some people wouldn't look
It's because those people haven't been in this situation OP.
When they are, then they'll know what it feels like!

He's definitely up to something on Whatsapp.
Keep checking his battery usage. I would imagine a big % will be on Whatsapp and then some on internet and facebook!

Pogmella · 21/02/2018 14:19

Betrayed all you have to do if you catch him is say 'I know that you've just paid for sex in there'. Then just watch him crumble.

Pogmella · 21/02/2018 14:21

Try and get a free half hr with a solicitor 1st- then if he makes legal threats you'll know which ones are utter bollocks. My STBXH still likes to threaten to 'sell the house out from under me' despite me explaining on numerous occasions that's impossible.

C0untDucku1a · 21/02/2018 14:24

Good luck op

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 21/02/2018 14:33

So he isn't just on it once a day then ?

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