Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

[betrayedorcrazy]

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

sadie9 You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

You can post statuses on WhatsApp just like Facebook, and no, it doesn’t show you as online if you haven’t been on the actual app. It also doesn’t add any contacts you don’t explicitly tell it to.

Oh, and I regularly check WhatsApp for messages because there is no “symbol” that sits at the top of my phone. I get a notification sure, but it’s silent and easily missed so I regularly check.

Make sure you know what you’re talking about before posting next time.

To OP, while I stand by my earlier post that spying is unacceptable (even in cases like this where it brings stuff up), I am sorry it’s turned out like this I hope you get the support you need, whether it’s from MN or friends and family.

OkPedro Nope, that’s not how it works on mine. The only people in my WhatsApp are the people I have specifically added there.

@okpedro please read what Sadie said again and re-read what I replied with , (we're not talking contact listings , we're talking online presence / time stamping) so you're telling me that if you simply log on to Facebook then it shows you as being online on whatsapp? No it doesn't. same as being on google . Google didn't link into whatsapp and state that your online just because you've done a google search. Christ almighty.

Anyways @NotTheFordType sorry I have seen you advise on similar posts before , could you maybe help the OP with some of her queries xx

if I have someone's phone number in my contacts on my phone
When I'm on WhatsApp the contacts (people) from my phone show up on WhatsApp..
Christ almighty is right passmethewine

I'd go out, meet the friend, cancel the friend as something has come up, and return straight home.

@okpedro ok I'm not sure how to explain this to you any further so I'll just regurgitate what I've already said (but in a different way) . So for third time , we aren't , repeat aren't , talking about the syncing of your contacts from Fb to whatsapp. What we are talking about is when you appear online , on the whatsapp app.
So if you go into Facebook for example and type your new status , whatsapp would not show you as being active or online on that app (atvrhe time you were updating your fan status ) as they're two diffferent apps , do you get me ? I hope so!

@ariela exactly what I think too, although that will obviously bring everything to a head and in which case I'd advise financial savyness and preparation are required xxx

FuckItPassMeTheWine You can’t argue with stupid

@whattodosboutthis2017 exactly! 😂 They beat you with experience every time , as my mum would say 😂

Op, sorry you're going through such a turbulent time.

All sex workers have their own method of working. Some won't accept any text or WhatsApp messages and purely accept phone calls. I personally accept texts and nothing else right now. So the contact method can be different and does not necessarily mean that he has gone ahead with a booking.

Does he work in a business where he'd be having regular payments in cash? If not, check his online banking for a cash withdrawal that day. You're looking for an amount between 50 and 250, depending on the area. Actually you said you'd googled the number so look for an amount matching her stated prices.

It's entirely possible that he's a fantasist who wanks over the idea of booking a sex worker but never turns up. I have dozens saved in my work phone as "phone wanker", "text wanker", "constantly books then cancels", "chats shit and never books" etc.

Will probably get the UKCunting brigade on my arse again for this so if anyone on this thread gets a pm asking if they no more details about me, just say no, eh.

Sadie

If there is a message it sends a symbol that sits on the top of your phone

You can turn this notification off

Whatsapp gets all your phone numbers from other apps and so any contact you have ever had on your phone, or from google or facebook etc will eventually end up in the contact list..without you ever having actually put them there

No they don't.

You don't 'post statuses' on Whatsapp either

Yes you can. Its the 24 hour status update. You can write something you choose, post a video for 30 seconds or add a photo, whatever you choose. You can even see who has viewed it.

Also, if your phone is switched on or used at all then in Whatsapp it will say 'last seen at whatever time'. So that doesn't mean that's the last time you used Whatsapp, it's just the last time you did anything on the phone like google something

This is definitely not what happens. So what you are saying is, that if someone is using their phone for any other purpose, but not WA, then they are showing as online. What utter bollocks. It does not.

Sorry OP, I was hoping it was something innocent. I agree with PP about going out tomorrow. Can you cancel it? Or change your plans up a bit so they don't coincide exactly with the times you have given him.

Don't forget to eat OP. I know you are in shock right now, but you need to try to look out for yourself right now.

A lot of us have been in this situation. Please put some comments aside, so what if you snooped on his phone, if you weren't suspicious of something, you wouldn't have had the want or need to do it in the first place.

For those saying snooping is 'unnacceptable'... So what would you do? If you ask him he'll tell you you're crazy and deny. You don't have enough proof to leave though. So you're saying you'd either walk away from your home on a mild hunch, or live in doubt but with principles?

I never thought I'd snoop either until he got very odd, very fast, denied it multiple times but quelle surprise... Was cheating.

I’m really sorry OP :(

Is there someone you can turn to for support today so you’re not going through this alone?

I never thought I'd snoop either until he got very odd, very fast, denied it multiple times but quelle surprise... Was cheating

Agree Pog. I really felt very low with the fact that I had snooped, years back I might have been the poster to say that it is an invasion of privacy. Well, yes I still think it is, but if I wasn't given course for it, I wouldn't have felt the need to do it. After what seemed like a million questions and denials, I knew I had to find out for myself. I was right. The gut feeling I got timed in perfectly with the start of the first affair. Yes, first. I ridiculously thought we could work through it. Then a few years later, same gut feeling again.... and yes, I was right again.

When your gut instinct tells you something, listen to it with both ears!! The checking of WhatsApp when you’re out of view is a red flag.. many ladies on here have been where you are including myself.. forget privacy, and it’s not right to snoop, this is your life. You are sharing your life with a person you don’t really know! You have every right to snoop if you feel the need to. Keep posting op.. I would say nothing yet. There could be more.. try and get some real life support, Mum, sister, friend.. thinking of you

OP I'm so very sorry
Now I know this sounds a bit OTT but I hinestly think it's what I'd do. Let him think you are going out Thursday as planned but just go out, wait and watch the house. If he's planning on using this sex worker or another woman then he'll probably go out to meet her (surely he wouldn't have her come to your home??). Do you both have cars? If so, you could follow him. If not then wait at home for his return. He won't be expecting you yo be there and his reaction will tell you if he's done anything whilst out.
As well as getting your finances sorted I'd be booking in for a sexual health check-up pretty urgently too.

I’m so sorry for you OP, I agree with trying to catch him out on Thursday, what an arsehole!! Xxx

Thanks everyone. I did feel wrong looking at his phone, but I couldn't just bury my head in the sand. Glad I did now.
I have text her to try and book an appointment to get her address. I'm going to go out tomorrow and watch his find my iPhone to see if he goes there. If it gets switched off then I will drive round there. I guess the only problem will be if he leaves it at home. Or has her here (as someone mentioned), but I can't believe he would risk that as I'm friendly with the neighbour opposite.
Thanks for your reply notthefordtype (I don't know how to do bold writing!). I don't blame her as it not her fault married men use her services. Do you find that most men stick to one sex worker or mix it up a bit?

And I will tell my friend later

Sorry to see your update.
Your plan is good.
Some RL support is vital as well right now.
Telling someone else really lightens it all up a bit.
Not a lot but a bit.
Try to eat or at least keep yourself hydrated.

I’m sorry it’s turned out this way OP. I hope you’re okay. Clutching at straws I know, but I hope there’s been a huge misunderstanding

If however he hasn’t used prostitutes I still think your relationship is over

From page 1 it’s clear it’s not a healthy relationship. Live/work together, you check his phone bills each month, you hardly ever go out, you check his phone and history. Spying on him. Check his social media all the time, you check when he’s last online etc.

I don’t understand the need to check his phone bill obviously by doing so you’ve caught him out but you’ve been doing it for a long time. It’s not normal.

It all sounds very suffocating.

But honestly whether he’s cheated or not, your relationship wasn’t healthy.

I think you are pretty amazing and this just goes to show gut instincts are always pretty much spot on. To those people who say it's an invasion of privacy, clearly you have never been in that situation. There is nothing worse than what op has been going through, she has every right to 'snoop' and do what ever she needs to.

I think he will be so so shocked to find out you know, he's clearly tried his very hardest to be as secretive as possible and hide all his tracks. hope he gets what's coming to him.

I'm sorry it has turned out this way but yes your relationship was not healthy in the first place.

All of this snooping started because he was on WhatsApp once a day and within a day or two you were fiddling with his phone, checking phone bills and now you're going to track him, does he know that you are tracking him?

I thought the snooping started because he was lying.