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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband? Help with WhatsApp please!

445 replies

betrayedorcrazy · 18/02/2018 10:41

I recently downloaded WhatsApp to my phone to talk to a particular friend who is not on Facebook. I knew my husband had it so wasn't surprised when he popped up in my contacts. I mentioned it to him and he said he hadn't used it since messaging a friend a few months ago.
I saw the last seen thing when I sent my friend a message and, being nosy, clicked on my husbands. I was out at the time and it said last seen about 10 mins after I went out. This was about a week ago and he seems to go on it once a day when I'm not about. He has an iPhone and leaves all his apps open but always swipes this one away. He has 3 old chats on WhatsApp but when I looked in the data and storage bit there were 3 more numbers - 2 saying 2 messages and one saying 1 photo, he has deleted them since I told him I have the app.
I then looked in network usage, and the status media bytes received is showing MB rather than KB as everything else does. That's a lot right?
I googled WhatsApp status and see that you can post a status that lasts 24 hours. Now I'm wondering if that's why he only goes on it once a day, to look for a status update from someone. There were none in there this morning when I looked, but if I do find one and open it will he know?
He seems perfectly normal and I have no reason to suspect anything is wrong apart from him lying about not going on this app. I have no idea what I'm doing with WhatsApp so would appreciate any info people can offer.

Sorry for such a long post.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 20/02/2018 21:36

Nope sorry , i wouldn't tell my DP that I only accessed an app 6 months ago yet went on it every day. And in all frankness if he decided to go then go look in my phone because I had lied to him then I actually wouldn't blame him!! And no way would I be disgusted with him! But then again I wouldn't have lied about the frequency of using an app, change my passcode , stop my message previews , delete a lot of my multimedia . All within a small time period ....

People love to say "if you don't trust them then leave" but when you've been together for say plus 10 years with a family you want to validate your feelings and know that your gut feel is correct.

rothbury · 20/02/2018 21:51

I am a great believer in gut instinct. I hope you are wrong about DH but I think you are going to be on red alert now.....

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 22:49

To everyone who has been supportive and said trust your gut instinct I wanted to say thank you. I wasn't doing anymore digging after going through the phone bills last night. I found one number that seemed odd. It was a night 4 months ago, he was texting me so I assume I must have been out. Then 2 texts to this number in between . I googled it on my phone and facebooked it and nothing came up.
He's just gone in the shower so I typed it in the laptop. It's a prostitute about 10 minutes away from us. I have 12 months billls and nothing before and nothing since.
I've read enough on here to know he will say he was just curious. I can't say anything tonight, I am in total shock and can't stop shaking. It literally feels like the man I married and lived with all my heart has just died.

OP posts:
GertieMotherwell · 20/02/2018 22:54
Flowers

I’m so sorry x

pinkandstripey · 20/02/2018 22:58

I'm so sorry

Flimp · 20/02/2018 23:05

Oh fuck, I'm so sorry op Thanks

AmbridgeGirl · 20/02/2018 23:07

So sorry OP Thanks

Mrstobe90 · 20/02/2018 23:09

I'm so sorry! Stay strong OP! Xxx

Racheyg · 20/02/2018 23:09

Wow op I'm so sorry. I first read your thread and thought nothing of it. I hope you get the truth

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 23:09

Thank you. At least I know I'm not going mad. He just walked back in like normal. How can he????
I said I was tired and going to bed. I can feel blood pumping round my head and I am shaking so violently I can hardly type.
Why only 2 texts? Do hookers use Facebook and WhatsApp. God I can't take this in.

OP posts:
HandMsMonkey · 20/02/2018 23:16

Yes my dear they do, and twitter and Instagram and the rest. I'm so sorry this is happening. Get some real life support asap and think smart... Get all your ucks in a row. Finances and evidence etc.

GertieMotherwell · 20/02/2018 23:16

Keep Calm and Keep Digging 💐

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 20/02/2018 23:17

I'm so sorry OP, if I could take your pain away then I would !
Please just know that you aren't alone (the whole mumsnet forum are here for you) secondly you couldnt have done anything to change your husbands actions . There are people out there that are rich , ambitious , good looking , caring to tea & they've all been cheated on so please don't go down the self blame route , your husbands actions alone have done this and it's states more about his character than yours.

Sending you strength,I know that you can get through this xxxx

sadie9 · 20/02/2018 23:21

You don't 'check Whatsapp' for messages as such. If there is a message it sends a symbol that sits on the top of your phone. Whatsapp gets all your phone numbers from other apps and so any contact you have ever had on your phone, or from google or facebook etc will eventually end up in the contact list..without you ever having actually put them there.
You don't 'post statuses' on Whatsapp either. It's not like Facebook at all. In Whatsapp, you are either in a chat with one other person or in a group chat with a gang of friends or a group of work colleagues so you can communicate quickly with them. Only the people in the group can see what you write, it's not public like it is on Facebook.
Also, if your phone is switched on or used at all then in Whatsapp it will say 'last seen at whatever time'. So that doesn't mean that's the last time you used Whatsapp, it's just the last time you did anything on the phone like google something. I am not sure about 2 texts you found, but the Whatsapp usage could be entirely innocent.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 20/02/2018 23:24

As @Handmsmonkey said get your ducks in a row , I know that finances must feel like they are the bottom of the list now but please protect yourself , Don't let on to him you know , get your exit strategy (if you plan to leave ) water tight , try to speak a solicitor asap tomorrow if you share a business together , it could be complicated but not something that can't be managed xxx

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 20/02/2018 23:27

@sadie9 with s respect what the actual fuck are you talking about? If I google something I know 100% fact that whatsapp will then not say I have been online . Please shut up with your incorrect input , go tweet Donald trump or something 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 23:29

Thank you all. I can't text any friends this time of night so you are helping more than you know. I don't know how WhatsApp would be involved but I am hugely suspicious of Facebook now. I cleared the advanced history earlier and went and had a bath and it was back on there.
I'm just going to keep quiet for now until I figure out what the fuck to do. I am meant to be out with a friend all afternoon on Thursday, and he was asking me about when I was going and when I was home. Considering I hardly ever go out when the kids are at school I'm wondering if it's too good an opportunity for him to pass up. There's no way I will forgive this.

OP posts:
Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 23:32

Thanks fuckit. I couldn't be arsed to type a reply to that one.

OP posts:
Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 23:39

I just facebooked her hooker name. There are 2 profiles. One is abroad and the other has a blank profile pic and completely private. Guess that's how he's contacting her.nothing on WhatsApp linked to her number.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 20/02/2018 23:40

stay strong op

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 20/02/2018 23:43

Your more than welcome OP, please ensure you have a good look at your finances over the next coming days and put plans in place to protect your position.

You will definitely come out the other side of this . There is a good website / support group online with some good advice sharing and coping / healing techniques :

www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/calling-all-bss/

Thinkng of you Flowers xx

Original poster
betrayedorcrazy · 20/02/2018 23:50

Thanks. I'll have a look at that. I can hear him locking up so he's coming up now. I really can't believe this is happening. Don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight :(

OP posts:
OkPedro · 20/02/2018 23:56

Eh Sadie is right!
You need to calm down passmethewine
If anyone in my contacts list on my phone is on WhatsApp Fb etc then they come up on WhatsApp
That's how it works Confused

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 21/02/2018 00:01

OKPEDRO

What Fuckitpassmethewine its saying that WhatsApp ONLY shows "last seen" if you have BEEN ON WhatsApp !

It does NOT say that if you are just on your phone or looking at your mail or googling.

Doublevodka · 21/02/2018 00:01

So sorry OP. Stay strong. X

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