Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Goodness this thread moves fast, you do all make me laugh/feel better I’m so glad I found this.

Thread seems to be moving fast (because we are all checking for Vet updates?)
Love I would be fascinated to see your spreadsheet, I don't know how you and Pudding keep up, I have a few dates but pretty much one at a time as not bright enough to remember multiple conversations :)
Kin I was really hoping it worked out for you as you seem really sincere, maybe it still will, update us after the weekend.
St.M I am having the same thoughts about decent people, I know they are out there but I'm fed up of thinking people are ok only for them to get stroppy or disclose a bizarre aspect of their personality! I'm not expecting perfection, just normal, with a bit of funny thrown in.
Well done on job offers Ginny .

Not that well. Only been seeing each other a few weeks. I'm cooking him dinner so that's sort of a present in itself isn't it 🤔 I don't want to spend much, because he might not get me anything! But he's mentioned that it's valentines and he's pretty generous so I feel a bit awkward if he shows up with flowers and a card and I don't have anything for him think I'm just going to get him some chocolates and he can eat it on a cheat day or something! And ordered some nice underwear for myself

Kin I cant imagine going on a long weekend abroad with someone male I had no intention of ever having sex with. Or even agreeing to go away if we weren’t shagging already/I didn’t plan for the trip away to be The First Time (capitalised as I set a lot of store by The First Time. I clearly read too many Mills & Boon as a teenager)

And I absolutely don’t mean by that, that she should feel obliged to DTD because you’re going away together or because you’ve paid (I’m assuming?)
It just seems, well, a bit bonkers. I’m guessing you booked only one room?

Rose I like Vixen’s CD idea 👍🏻

ignoring I'd like to think I'm sincere and I'd like it to work out too - after years of OLD, meeting women who "want a relationship" but in fact just want NSA or a short fling, I've finally found someone decent, though of course things have gone to the opposite extremes in this case

Cover I know what you're saying and that's why I am so confused as I wouldn't dream of going away with a platonic friend and sharing a bed. Not that I care about money but, yes, I've paid for this trip and the next.

Hey, well maybe she also read too many Mills & Boon in her youth and is going to have The First Time with you in Milan, then

Because otherwise bedtime will be.......awkward

We went away last weekend (local, not abroad) and that was awkward enough. I fear this weekend may be no different

Ohhhhhhh. Gawd yes, it must have been.

Well I hope you have a lovely time, anyhow. And at least things will have changed one way or the other by next week

Thanks Cover. Clarity is what I need as I am so invested in terms of emotion and time now that I need to just... need to know...

KinDid you have an (awkward) conversation about sleeping arrangements and where things were heading last weekend? Must be so frustrating to think you may have found 'the one' then look at potentially starting over?
Sorry I'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I think lots of women would appreciate your efforts but I am getting cynical about ever finding 'the one' through OLD so have become less serious about it all and if it happens great but I will enjoy the dates in the meantime (unless they are weirdo's, then I will run:) )

ignoring last weekend her best friend was in the room next door so I wasn't totally shocked when she said it wasn't the right time or place. 'The one' comment is apt - I really, really struggle to find good matches IRL or through OLD so am wary of chucking the towel in here and there are only so many times I can talk to her about it without coming across as needy or insecure (which I'm pretty certain I am not).

So... the weekend is do or die.

My only fear now is that if it doesn't go well I will need to seek out my first ever ONS to get her out of my head and that is not a thought that sits well with me

Ah right, well I don't know you but you don't seem insecure, perfectly reasonable to want to know one way or another.
Also reasonable to not want to end something you feel strongly about, can't blame you and still hoping it goes your way.
But if it doesn't, make sure you come back to the thread for some Paddy love! :)
On my side, the eventful weekend turned into a second but still not sure we are compatible long term, I do like him though, obviously. Also talking to someone I spoke to briefly on POF a while ago but not getting the measure of him over messages, need to have a drink and see.

Kin - really hoping that being away and relaxing helps it all comes together
Choc - I'm totally with you on being cynical about finding the One on OLD..I'm wondering if I'm maybe getting a little too cynical and losing my optimism

kinunir I feel for you, it’s so frustrating when you’re invested emotionally but don’t know where you stand!

If it helps about three months ago I had my very first ONS at 38 for a similar reason - I just needed to get out of my head and be physical with somebody. I was dreading it and it didn’t sit well with me either but I have to say it was amazing 😉 and because of a couple of things that happened that night it did become a 2NS!

The second time was actually the best sex I ever had - I won’t go into details but oh my goodness! Sorry, I’m digressing 🙈😊!

What I wanted to say was that it worked, we both knew what it was which completely took away and expectations and we could just relax and enjoy it! It’s not something i’ll make a habit of but I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it either.

Fingers crossed that you won’t need to and this weekend will be THE weekend x

Heh, it wouldn’t bother me if my best mate was in the room next door. As long as, you know, the walls weren’t too thin, or the furniture too squeaky 😈

Hope it goes well Kin

Sparkly Good luck with your 3 dates, Mr America must be nice if it's 3rd time you are seeing him. Sadly the only one I have really liked so far had very young kids and it just didn't work, anyone since has just not been as Ace as he is, and he didn't have amazing looks or lots of money but was just really kind, funny and ultra positive, I live in hope of finding someone with such a lovely personality again.

Thanks choc - I really like Mr America, I've not met anyone I like as much, but I'm trying hard not to overinvest because he just doesn't stay in touch. It must have difficult when things didn't work out with the guy you were seeing especially as it was circumstances not incompatibility. I hope it works out with your new iron

choc what was it that stopped it working? Was he busy with his kids a lot?

I wondered if anyone has experience of past love interests coming back once they are divorced/ separated? I've had a couple. One I was good friends with in my 20s but we never really got it together. Then didn't really have much contact for about 5 years but recently he started messaging me quite often and has been very interesting in my dating and quite kind and caring like he was when I was single before. Today after my date fell through he messaged a lot, told me he's not fulfilled in life etc (But he's married) and I just wonder if he's bored or testing for an affair or perhaps he always liked me. He's not local. I suspect I'm a shoulder to cry on, but he's not the first man from pre marriage to contact me since I became single.

New he’s married? Don’t go there.

Exact same thing happened to me not long after I came out of a 10yr relationship (coupled with bereavement, job loss, house loss, all manner of shite) and was in a very vulnerable place. Reconnected with a guy I knew in my teens. Also “unfulfilled” in his life/relationship. Long story short: I wasted A LOT of time.

Cheers sparkly time will tell.
New Yeah he seemed to have them almost every day, I don't mind kids or young kids but not up for being cancelled last minute when he finally did get a night free. Not his fault at all, that's just life with little ones. My choice to end it as I want to enjoy my own childfree time now my kids are older, but I miss him and in another time and place think it would have been great.

Also, agree with Cover...don't become any kind of shoulder to cry on, I would keep your distance from a world of trouble :)

New one of my ex’s (my first love) messaged me a few years ago through Facebook, I was married at the time and he was engaged with one child, I should have ignored him but we exchanged messages and phone numbers, he asked to meet me but I refused. His partner became suspicious so he then blocked me. Since then he has got married and had another child but has not contacted me. He gave me all the bull shit that he still had feelings for me and we should never have split. I suspect he was just going through a rough patch with his girlfriend. My advice would be to ignore/block and forget about him.

This made me chuckle. Especially the “impure thoughts” one.