Need a FWB....

[sneakynameswitch]

As title. Done a name change but am a regular poster. Korean lady, CF's etc.

I think I want to find a FWB. I'm mid thirties, size 12, scrub up ok. Shouldn't be too hard should it??? How do I go about it please? I have children and don't want to allow anyone into my home.

Don't need safety advice, I'm as sensible as they come. Just how one finds one and navigates the parameters.

Tinder? Anyone?

Any chat app in the uk would do fine I imagine, they’re full of desperados.

Sorry what does cf's mean? And agree Tinder.

@FissionChips - don't want a desperado as you so charmingly put it. Just a decent, respectful bloke who doesn't what the stress of a relationship. I still have standards. I'm smart, funny and not unattractive. Figured there would be similar women on mumsnet who could offer advice.

Fabswingers? Clubs where you can be assured of a safe environment. It's a weird but safe and respectful scene where women call the shots and are absolutely in charge. Men are respectful, polite and genuinely grateful for the chance to have intimate encounters with women.

There are vanilla socials where you can meet up. Have a disco, drink and the chance to sound out likely blokes in a safe place (local private room of hotels etc) as part of a crowd without any sexual contact being permitted.

@anxiousnow - it means 'cheeky fuckers' - mumsnet in joke to prove I'm not a troll, been here years..

anxious it means cheeky fucker.

Xpost

@wantmorenow - hmmm. I don't want to swing. I'm single and want someone who is the same.

Many clubs (if not all) have at least one weekend night where single blokes are encouraged in. They 'play' with couples or single ladies. Often they are regulars. Don't want/have long term partners and just enjoy the scene, casual sex and the banter of a club. It's a safe, clean environment for a casual hook up. Like a tinder speed dating night with bedrooms and condoms to hand. We have met and socialised with such guys and they attend every few months, they are known to be good company, good for sexy fun and interesting to chat and spend the evening with. A few have become casual friends over time.

Yikes @wantmorenow I don't think I have the stomach for a club. But thanks! I want to meet someone and just see them every couple of weeks. This feels like it should be possible as loads of ppl my age don't want a relationship as they are busy with kids and careers.

I found mine on a site called Badoo. There are an awful lot of dickheads online so it might take a bit of time.

I don't know if it's just me, I'm mid 30s too and have found (with all my experience of having 3 FWB's haha) that younger works better. Mine are/were European too (not English), not sure if that's an important factor in why they've worked.
Good luck OP

I don’t know how you go about finding one as I’ve never had one but as the title suggests it’s a ‘friend’ with benefits, are any of your single male friends looking for the same kind of thing maybe?

It's much easier to find a fuck buddy than a relationship so I imagine you won't struggle.. Tinder, pof, bumble??

@Armygirl - almost certainly but those friendships are far too precious to risk!

Tinder, POF, OKC, whatever, just put up a profile and you'll be inundated with offers.

BTW swingers clubs are great IF you are the type of person who enjoys wipe-clean furniture.

I personally am in thrall to Jon Lewis so I'll stick with my 180 count cotton bedding and only invite a select few to share it.

I hate the term FWB. Prefer friends and lovers. As a RA I've had a number of different relationships and the parameters are what you want them to be. Your boundaries are your boundaries and you should feel total comfortable with the situation as you enter into it. Spend time working through the ground rules and boundaries. Once you are convinced the person is right and is totally honest then you can embark on the relationship. If at anytime those boundaries or rules are broken. Leave the relationship immediately. My F&L relationships have started either in RL or through OLD. Aldi discussing olive oil was one. You never know OP when the opportunity arises {smile}

Hope you find someone. I've had both FB and FWB. If you can separate the emotional side then it can be fun and great for the soul and add to the fun of life. There are idiots and predators though, The idiots are ok if annoying, predators are scary and you will be vulnerable. Keep yourself safe, if you can enlist a trusted friend to text/check in with then do so.

An existing friend is safer and and can work really well if you're both on the same page. Enjoy yourself.

I'd love to know the answer. I'm 43-year old guy, been single for 8 years and while I'd prefer a relationship, I'd love some human physical contact to remind myself I was a sexual being once. But I don't want a one night stand, something mutually respectful, intelligent chat over a glass of wine etc

Mumsnet needs to set up a dating forum ...

Tinder. Just put in your profile that you're looking for company and a laugh, nothing too serious. Then be ruthless in weeding out. The absolute SECOND someone says something even remotely, faintly annoying or odd, unmatch instantly (none of this "I don't think we're compatible" chat, just don't) and move on. You'll find someone. Be patient though.

Says the woman who did just this, found a lovely respectful man who respected every single boundary and was incredibly good about it all and then after a year fell in love and it's terrifying and wonderful and we are fast approaching year three

Ahhh that's lovely @Grunkle !

To all the men who messaged me after I posted this: This is supposed to be a safe space....FFS

I wish to point out I am not one of the men who messaged sneaky, just so people don't assume that

Grunkle From the male point of view, pretty much every female profile I see on Tinder says "not looking for no strings sex" or "not looking for just fun" or "only looking for a relationship" or variants of that.