Need a FWB....

[sneakynameswitch]

As title. Done a name change but am a regular poster. Korean lady, CF's etc.

I think I want to find a FWB. I'm mid thirties, size 12, scrub up ok. Shouldn't be too hard should it??? How do I go about it please? I have children and don't want to allow anyone into my home.

Don't need safety advice, I'm as sensible as they come. Just how one finds one and navigates the parameters.

Oh dear @middleclasstwat did you think the benefits were jewellery and flowers?

@Jayne35
no dear Jayne, casual sex, flowers and gifts

Just casual sex actually, most women in this day age can and do pay their own way.

I've never had a FWB but even I know Middleclass twat that the benefits mentioned is sex. You know, a friend you have sex with, not a friend who buys you a bunch of flowers in exchange for a blowjob!

middleclasstwat

The benefits are no strings sex and company every now and again with somebody I get along well with. Sometimes he makes me breakfast the next day. That's the extent of it!

Most expensive "gift" he's ever lavished on me is paying for a Chinese takeaway. I don't want gifts from him. I'd be more likely to expect gifts from someone I was in a serious relationship with, not someone I was seeing casually!

I have a FWB. We've been friends for many years & are currently both single. We've been meeting occasionally for no-strings sex for a couple of months. Drinks, chat, dinner, sex. Fun, lighthearted, uncomplicated, mutually satisfying.

We already liked each other's company & found each other attractive, so the awkward initial bit didn't really happen.

He approached me first, but it didn't suit me at the time. A few months later I approached him & it suited both of us.

I think it works well because we already knew each other - I'd be loath to try to find a completely "new" FWB on a dating site!

We don't want a committed relationship with each other for various reasons, & liaisons will cease if/when one or both of us is seeing someone else.

@middleclasstwat

I pity the women on here who think by fluttering there eyelashes and giving there vagina that they will be showered with gifts and trips out.
why not buy your own jewellery or a bunch of roses for yourself rather than lowering yourself and expecting it from a man in exchange for sexual favours.
Men are not there for your needs when you want a quick shag or are there to be a bank for your requirements get a job and stop expecting men to fit in to your moulds.

Dear me.

I think you don't know what a friend with benefits is...? Is that the actual problem? Because what you describe is not at all what a fwb is...

A friend with benefits is someone who you are friends with.

i.e., you are friends. You like to have a chat, enjoy each other's company, care about each other's lives but not massively overinvested in everything they do - you respect and like them.

and

you have the "benefit" of also having sexual contact with them.

... did you think that the "benefit" part was that you got presents from them, or something? It's got nothing at all to do with that.

It's literally just having someone in your life who is your friend, is a nice respectful person, who you are also lucky enough to have sex/intimacy with at times.

A FWB setup usually means that the two people involved would very rarely buy gifts or pay for all the meals out... that's the whole point...

I get the impression that you have confused yourself very badly about what is actually being spoken about here...

Oh dear! How embarrassing to have gone and layed into the OP only to have completely misunderstood the basic premise. FWB - completely fine IMO if you can both keep emotions out of it. Sadly I’ve always become attached to people so it may not work for me

Personally I'd use Tinder just because POF and OKCupid anyone can contact you and that gets old really quickly. At least with Tinder, you only match and can speak to those you swipe with.

I met some very interesting and fantastic lovers on Adulthub OP.

It's a very interesting community and there are similar people there looking for discreet intimacy as well as the whole group scene.

I am average beyond belief, approaching 50 with a belly. I signed up when my ex walked out. It took courage to put myself out there....

But the experience is something that was positive and unreal. I did things I never thought I'd do....

Yes there is some sifting to do. But it's worth it. Not one guy made me feel cheap and whorish. It was rather more a secret adventure.

I also think Middleclasstwat's claim for women to be strong and buy their own flowers and jewellery is inherently sexist, even though it seems she was going for an empowerment angle. Personally I hate jewellery, don't even wear my wedding ring, to assume a woman wants flowers and jewellery is blurgh. I'm currently trying to convince my DH that the benefit part of our marriage is a Landover Defender.

FFS sex is not something that men want and women ‘give’ to them. It’s supposed to be something mutually beneficial. You know what, when I have casual sex the guy is ‘putting it on a plate’ for me - or is that not the same thing in your mind? Because women are the gatekeepers

And you can leave out with the ‘shame on you’ - trying to shame strangers on the internet is pretty pathetic. Accept that others enjoy things that you don’t and move on with your life - no one is telling you that you or anyone else has to take part in casual sex.

The bloke you are doing it with is probably laughing. He is getting sex on a plate. Shame on you.

If we were still in the 1940s maybe!

Do people like middleclasstwat really still believe it isn't possible that women can want to have sex without a relationship just as much as men can?

@middleclasstwat

I'm not sure I care if anyone is laughing... It's ME who wanted sex on a plate and that's what I got it was a wonderfully good time as well.

why do you need a fwb. Cant you be happy being single? why not invest in a vibrator ? less complicated and much more fun

If you refuse to let them in your home where would you dtd what if they have children too? How would you work this

Because a vibrator wont buy me a bunch of carnations and some 9k shit from Argos after I serve up my fanny on a plate. Obviously.

It would be much easier if you could sign up to the DWP or something and get a FWB that way. I dare not ask my friends, but it does sound fun though.

Department of works and pensions? What are they offering these days!

One of the grimmest threads I've ever read on MN.

And I've been around for years.

Alot of the latest "dating" thread looks grim in a similar way.

Sex seems to be becoming the absolute lowest common denominator, whats happening to people I have no idea.

why do you need a fwb. Cant you be happy being single? why not invest in a vibrator ? less complicated and much more fun

Wow - there's someone that understands intimacy.

If you're not bothered about intimacy, then I suppose playing with yourself is just fine. For a huge amount of people, me included, sex really isn't worth bothering about without intimacy. And certainly not that much fun.....

Vibrators can't kiss.