He didn't come home!

[kitkatkath]

Boyfriend went for a few drinks last night said he wouldn't be going mad and still hasn't turned up home.
Tried calling him and texting and his phone is switched on and not getting any response.
Just for background he cheated last year and we have been working through it I really thought he had changed and wouldn't hurt me again but he knows what's going to be going through my head when he does a disappearing act. He hasn't done this since before we had children.
Just want someone to talk me down I guess because I'm struggling to stay calm and I've got my children here.

I’m so sorry, it’s a horrible feeling the anxiety then anger of having to wait like this.

He’s really selfish for not being in touch. Do you know who he wa shot with could you contact them to say you’re worried?

Oh I really feel for you! I’d be going out of my mind with worry, as you are I’m sure.
Could you get hold of one of his friends who he went out with?
Surely by 4pm the next day he has sobered up enough to come home.

I don't really know the "men" he was out with or their girlfriends but I did message one girl and she said all she knows is that he was really drunk and if she finds out where he is she will let me know.
I just feel so anxious and drained. I woke constantly through the night wondering if he had turned up.

Have you thought about calling the police? If he's been gone this long without contact I would be considering it by now. Poor you it's so shit when they do that.

I am tempted but the girl I text said don't worry he'll only be with the lads they've probably just gone back out.
She said her partner has text a few of the lads to see where he is and she'll let me know but I aren't holding my breath because his friends will all just cover for him.
I've just realised I haven't even eaten today I just feel sick and anxious.
Starting to get angry though, how selfish of him!

really bloody selfish!

What a prick, lock the door so he can't get in and leave his stuff outside. You don't do this to people you love, he could have at least text and said he was staying out. What if there was an emergency ?

Well the good news is if he is very drunk then he's prob not cheating. He's probably sleeping it off somewhere or if they have gone back out he's totally and utterly wasted.

Selfish idiot. But probably not cheating.

Pack him a bag of clothes and leave it on the front door step, leave your key in the door to lock him out.

Shockingly selfish behaviour, and you shouldn't have taken him back after he cheated on you.

He’s definitely up to something. Otherwise he would have answered you by now.

Check his location services in his phone when he gets back. This will tell you exactly where he’s been.

His so called friends will know exactly where he went!

Well the good news is if he is very drunk then he's prob not cheating

^ fuck that who wants a man who's cheated before and now does this, I wouldn't think being too drunk to cheat is a positive.

Yeah the friends girlfriend could easily find out where he is, but chose to tell you not to call the police, they are covering for him.

I didn't say it was a positive, simply just if she's worrying he's cheating again it's unlikely.

Personally though I wouldn't be in this relationship, but she is through choice.

I have put my key in the door so he can't get in.
One part of me wants to get mad and pack everything he owns and dump it outside, the other half wants to cry.
I'm trying to keep cheery in front of the children but got a big ball of anxiety in my chest.

I did chose to take him back and I guess people may think I'm stupid for it however he was doing everything these sites say he should to make it work and I've seen such a massive difference in him and then the first time he goes out since he does this.

I would send a text to him OP saying I'm really worried if I haven't heard in half an hour I'll phone the police to report as missing. See what that does.

Ah what an arse.

When you say he cheated last year op, when last year was that?

It's one thing saying you're going for a few and will be home by 10 and rocking in at 2. It's quite another to still not be home by the next evening having made no effort to contact your other half. I'd be absolutely furious even if it is entirely innocent. It shows a complete lack of respect for you OP. I'm sorry.

I hope you find him soon OP you must be very worried. I think the suggestion of telling him you’re going to call the police is a good idea.

Right I've now switched my phone off because I'm embarrassed to say I must have called him about 8 times and he ignored them all. His phone was turned off earlier and it's back on now so I know he's seeing the calls.
I've turned it off and moved it away from me so I'm not tempted to contact him as much as it's upsetting me he will use it as an excuse.
He's a different person when he has been drinking heavily.

He cheated early last year 2017 and we split up for a couple of month.

It's the total disregard for my feelings and lack of respect that hurts the most. Also to not even contact to see the children are ok.

Disrespectful!! (though don’t think he needs to phone to ask after the children)

Why not, if they're his children, Aridane? He's just as responsible for them as the OP.

OP, you've been through the worst with discovering his infidelity.

Now, the very first time he's gone out since, he's stayed out and isn't answering his phone or getting a message sent home.

I'd have his bags on the doorstep.

Yeah I understand what you are saying it's just my toddler is a real daddies boy and is so clingy to him it's unreal so he knows he'll have been upset and asking for him all day