He didn't come home!

[kitkatkath]

Boyfriend went for a few drinks last night said he wouldn't be going mad and still hasn't turned up home.
Tried calling him and texting and his phone is switched on and not getting any response.
Just for background he cheated last year and we have been working through it I really thought he had changed and wouldn't hurt me again but he knows what's going to be going through my head when he does a disappearing act. He hasn't done this since before we had children.
Just want someone to talk me down I guess because I'm struggling to stay calm and I've got my children here.

This manchild is treating you appallingly. Stay angry OP. Absolutely no excuse for this behaviour.

Oh my god, if I were your mum I'd pack you and your kids in the car, barricade up the house, drop you off at mine and set off to find that fucker to give him a piece of my mind.

Thank you all so much for the replies I'm so grateful I feel less alone now.

Yeah I don't even know where he has got the money from.
I felt so ashamed having to ask my mum, I know she doesn't mind buy I'm a grown woman I shouldn't have to do that.

Kitkatkath you deserve far better than this! And so do your children. He’s out wasting money on a two day bender when you can’t even afford to keep the house warm! I know it’s scary as hell to go it alone. I’ve been there and done it with 3 children but I’ve never regretted a day of it and actually felt such a relief!
I hope you find the strength from somewhere to pack his bags for him! He doesn’t deserve you!

Thanks so much
I know what I need to do now I just need to get the backbone to follow through.
I just had to bob to my room to have a little cry but need to get back to being angry now.
I don't need him I know I don't just it's a big scary step to take.

He's taking the piss isn't he? Where are his responsibilities? He's got problems with women and drink. He left you without money to go on a bender. I feel for you. I'd tell him to move out as you needed reassurance from him -.not to feel insecure. If you've been building trust how has that worked if he doesn't go anywhere. Now he has gone out - he's given you your answer!!!
Good luck OP and stay strong and angry.

Have you access to money? who owns the house/ name is on the tenancy?

He will have borrowed the money. Make sure it's him that pays it back, not you.

I was just starting to feel like he had changed and I could trust him again but he's completely let me down.

I get paid this week so I will have some money and I've got food in the cupboards.
We rent and it's in my name I made sure to protect myself like that when he cheated!

Could you and your children stay with your mum for a bit? Sounds like you need some support and love.

In that case, tell him to stay elsewhere from now on.

My mum and dad are great and very good with practical things but as for emotional support not so much we don't talk about feelings and I genuinely can't remember the last time I was hugged by either parent.
I think I'll be better where I am for now and just cuddles my babies!

Hi op, ive been in your shoes way too many times in the past. Going out drinking staying at a mates all night and the next day either drinking again or staying at his mates all flaming day with a hangover this ended up being every week end before i told him to get lost. Thta aweful feeling in your stomach and every thing in your body tense is a horrible feeling. Im four years away from him and very very happy ive remained a single parent and enjoyed my children. He has continued to party and not see the kids thats his loss. Stay strong and stand up for your self op he can jog on.

Unfortunately OP, speaking from experience, he won't change.
And it sounds like you've already given more than enough chances. Time to decide if you're willing to spend the rest of your life tolerating shitty, disrespectful and selfish behaviour.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I know exactly what it's like. And you deserve better

He obviously has money he doesn't tell you about op. How much access do you have to his accounts? It's not cheap to go out drinking two days straight and he won't be having people pay for him. So he has the money.

He's being a dick ignoring your messages, there could be an emergency with the children. I'd pack his shit and kick him out op. You and your children deserve better.

If you allow your mum and dad to help with the practical things that will help your emotional well being. Can you confide in a friend tonight?

OP I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your son deserve to be treated so much better. He could have spent the weekend with his family not whatever he has been getting up too.
Thinking of you

You know what needs to happen, or your kids will grow up thinking this is Ok. I hope you can believe in yourself enough to follow through op

You don't need him my love.

You really really don't.

Dump him and give your kids a happier life.

Thank you all so much for your replies I'm sorry so many others have been through it.
It's a horrible feeling.

I do know what I need to do and I also know he should know by now that it's not ok to treat someone like this.

The key is remaining firmly in the lock. Once I've put the children to bed I will get into bed myself and stay on here and maybe watch some tv and hope to fall asleep.

I'm kind of worried about him coming in when I'm on the school run tomorrow morning and getting his stuff and going again without having to face me because I know he will try to avoid me now.

God, what a dick. That is awful OP. Kick his sorry ass out. A real man doesn't behave like that.

Putting the cheating aside (!) this is not on, he's got kids for fucks sake and he can't even be bothered to send you one, ONE shitting text message to say that he's out on the piss and not coming home. I never get this - he knows he's in the shit anyway so why not have one tiny morsel of respect and at least send a message to say he's alive etc albeit being a massive twat on a huge bender. I'd be fuming. He also won't be sober/safe enough to be around young children later - can you keep him out the house later tonight?