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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He didn't come home!

121 replies

kitkatkath · 04/02/2018 15:58

Boyfriend went for a few drinks last night said he wouldn't be going mad and still hasn't turned up home.
Tried calling him and texting and his phone is switched on and not getting any response.
Just for background he cheated last year and we have been working through it I really thought he had changed and wouldn't hurt me again but he knows what's going to be going through my head when he does a disappearing act. He hasn't done this since before we had children.
Just want someone to talk me down I guess because I'm struggling to stay calm and I've got my children here.

OP posts:
IrianOfW · 04/02/2018 18:36

Selfish shit! Angry

H cheated 6 years ago but since then he has never been out of touch because he understood how anxious that would make me. I think you know what you need to do. So sorry OP xxx

JaneEyre70 · 04/02/2018 18:37

Try and drink some sugary tea for the shock, and have a warm bath. Shock can wreak havoc on your body. Do the essentials until the kids are in bed then you can have a good cry Flowers.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/02/2018 18:40

Is there any of his "stuff" that's particularly important to him?
If so I'd either take it with me on school run, or leave it outside with "free to a good home" label on it!

ChodeofChodeHall · 04/02/2018 18:43

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Try and take good care of yourself. Can you ask a friend round to keep you company? I wouldn't be letting him back in (easy for me to say, I know).

Original poster
kitkatkath · 04/02/2018 18:49

I think it's the whole double standards thing that annoys me the most he will absolutely think that this is ok and not understand what the problem is and that the kids are fine and happy and safe with me but if it was the other way round I'd be every name under the sun.
It's just so bloody selfish. He's a grown man but he's acting like a teenager.
He absolutely will not turn up tonight because the area he is in is quite far away we don't live local to family or friends so he won't have any friends willing to bring him home.
He doesn't really have anything of value or importance just his clothes really.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 04/02/2018 18:55

I'd be going fucking ape shit! How dare he think it's ok to fuck off and leave his family alone for a whole weekend whilst he swans around with god knows who pissed up - selfish MF!

Psychobabble123 · 04/02/2018 19:00

What a selfish, irresponsible arsehole! Fuck him OP, you gave him a second chance but now he has absolutely blown it! As his name is not on the tenancy I would be packing his stuff and leaving it outside for him and getting the locks changed asap.
I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, maybe a hot bath and a glass of wine would help? Flowers

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 04/02/2018 19:04

What a waster! Your dc won't miss out not having him around op.

WhiteWalkersWife · 04/02/2018 19:04

Id text her to thank her and tell him not to bother coming home, that his stuff is in the garden and you will be going through CSA since he would rather drink away money then pay his part of the heating bill for his gf and kids.

Do you have a lockable back door? Use that to go on the school run and a key in the front door so he cant get in. What a shit.

PeasAndHarmony · 04/02/2018 19:09

OP you sound absolutely lovely, you don't deserve to be treated like this by anyone let alone your partner and father of your children.

BackInTheRoom · 04/02/2018 19:11

Bottom line is he doesn't care. I'm thinking that in his head he absolutely 'deserves' this weekend sesh because he's been so good. Like being good is an act and right now he gets to be himself and enjoy it.

summerdreamz · 04/02/2018 19:12

Ohhh OP I'm so sorry 😔💐

Umakemefeellikedancing · 04/02/2018 19:18

You will feel a lot better once he is out of your life OP

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 04/02/2018 19:20

This is shocking behavior op.
I'm sure there's no going back after this? Do you know the girl well that you were texting?

Charmander123 · 04/02/2018 19:30

Hope youre okay op. What a shit

Original poster
kitkatkath · 04/02/2018 19:52

Sorry was just getting the boys settled and in to bed.
I switched my phone on just to set my alarm for the morning and I got a text from him saying sorry I was smashed and crashed!
Like that makes it all ok. I haven't replied just turned my phone back off and key is still in that door.

It's hard because I feel like I've put up with so much because I do love him he honestly does have a lot of great qualities but he can't love me because he wouldn't treat me like this.

OP posts:
Runninglateeveryday · 04/02/2018 20:09

Everyone has good qualities , no excuse

Softkitty2 · 04/02/2018 20:29

OP it's bad enough that he treats you this way but worst that he can do this to his children. He has responsibilities and they come first.

Your children deserves a father who puts their needs first. No money for heating but goes on an overnight binge?!

No excuse. Kick him out.

PerfectPenquins · 04/02/2018 20:45

What an idiot he couldn’t even try to come across remotely sorry. I’d send him this thread, show him exactly the reality of his behaviour and what people think not just his stupid mates who will back up this pathetic behaviour but actual outsiders looking in on what a shit he is. He should be absolutely mortified that he caused his children to go with out heating save for your Mum helping out!

AudTheDeepMinded · 04/02/2018 20:49

First rule of MN NEVER show them the thread!

MrsWineasaurus · 04/02/2018 20:58

Hope you're ok OP. X

Gemini69 · 04/02/2018 21:12

he has ignored your every single text and call.... for 24 hours... this is the behaviour of a man who thinks he is 'escaping' you for the night ... He sounds very unhappy OP.. to treat you with such little respect ... only to come crawling back when he needs to sleep it all off.....

he is disgusting.. and you deserve better....

I hope your feeling better.. run a hot bath and it'll warm you up.. it sounds like your in shock Flowers

Bluebelle38 · 04/02/2018 22:10

Total disregard for you. You will thrive on your own. Please don't take him back, he will not change. He's a loser, I know because I dated similar in the past. The cheating was bad enough the first time.

Cowsopinion · 04/02/2018 22:14

OP get rid. He's let you down, again.

You deserve better.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 04/02/2018 22:26

Deffo get rid hes a loser

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