How old is too old to have kids?

[rightageforkids]

I am 40 and have no kid. Dh doesn't want. We got married late and now he thinks it's too late. He has become a workaholic with no time for anything else :(
I still hope that one day there will be kids or at least a kid. I know I am dreaming.
How old is too old for a woman to have kids? I used to think 40 (just to be fair to kid).

For me it would be 40. I'm past that now and know that after that age I would have struggled with energy levels and general health issues.

Was only offering my opinion Jesus, it wasn’t a personal attack on anyone 🙄

I had my two at 33 and 35, and they have 5 grandparents, and lovely relationships with all of them.

I had my youngest at 40 and 9 months (make of that what you will)
I have loads of friends/acquaintances who have had their first at 40, or 42 or 44
Oldest person I know giving birth was 46

Age not so much an issue as bringing a child into a relationship where one partner doesn't want them, OP

I think assumptions around grandparents are a bit wrong tbh. My 3 have an amazing relationship with a very active, very engaged 78 year old grandmother. All the other gps died when dp and I were in our teens.

I think past 40 is too old and a bit selfish, if I'm being honest.
@MadMags - explain how?

Also, prior to reliable method of contraception, loads of women had babies in their 40s, assuming they lived that long. What was rarer - though still not unheard of - was first babies in their 40s, but women would have children throughout their fertile life.

My grandma had my uncle at 47, entirely naturally. She mistook pregnancy for the menopause at first. She lived well into her 80s, so he was into his 40s, with kids of his own, before she died.

It’s selfish because your kids are going to have old parents when they are barely out of their teens and lets be honest your more likely to die when your older leaving your younger kids behind then when your young! If your 40 having kids your statistically going to have less time with them, it’s hardly rocket science.

If I had to put an age on it I would say definitely 45.
Although this thread is making it seem easy to have dc in your 40’s. Most women can’t get pregnant easily & carry a healthy baby to term much past 41 or 42. Plus I suspect a lot of these 40 something mothers have had IVF or other help.

You're right sparkling. My poor poor ds. A product of 2 selfish wankers that a) didn't meet until their mid 30s, b), wanted to make sure they were financially stable to be able to provide properly in every sense for aforementioned wretched mite and c) only happen to have parents in their mid to late 60s that have more time, patience and energy than a lot of 50 year old grandparents I know. Won't somebody think of the children????!!!?! 🤔

My mum had my sister when she was 42.

Having children young does not guarantee they'll have grandparents in their life I can promise you.

Not sure I agree with it being selfish past 40. DH has a chronic condition that will worsen over time - it’s why we’ve started our family earlier then most. There are no guarantees and he might be fine, but he might be in a wheelchair by the time our kids are in secondary school. So if a 40 year old is being selfish, because their health MIGHT deteriorate faster and when their kids are younger, then so are we, so is anyone in our position, so is anyone with any underlying health condition or disability that chooses to have a family.

We’re all doing the best we can with what we have.

All these lovely anecdotes about umpteem women effortlessly giving birth to full-term, healthy babies in throughout their 40s is a moot point to the OP because her partner doesn't want any kids. Her problem is that her partner is unwilling.

The data the ‘fertility cliff at 35’ thing is based on is a single study of French peasants from a hundred plus years ago.

Biologically the reality is that it’s very individual some women will have trouble conceiving in the twenties, others will bear healthy children up to mid late forties. I had my first at 36 - really just because that was the first time I’d felt it was right. The right age is what’s right for you. There are advantages to being both a younger and an older Mum.

In general, you’re not too late now but you can’t leace it much longer.

The real issue though is the disconnect between what you and your dh want.

@Holy because while there are no guarantees in life, saddling kids with older and elderly parents is selfish.

As a PP said, someone in her 40s might have decided there's no harm done and there's not, to her. No thought given to the child...

One of whom just posted about being embarrassed and then having to deal with the death of a parent at a very young age!

I adopted my ds at 41 so would have been 40 when he was born. For me 40 was my upper limit personally and would like to have been slightly younger but years of failed fertility treatment from the age of 35 put paid to that. Maybe had I realised I would have problems conceiving would have tried earlier, though didn't get married to dh till 32, but then I wouldn't have the wonderful child I have now, who was definitely worth the years of waiting! Sadly though he will probably be our only one, as I feel a little old now at 43 to go through it all again.

Having children in your early forties now is so commonplace I think it would take a rather peculiar child to be embarrassed about their parents for that reason. Of course parents embarrass their children in many other ways!

Expat

How old is too old for a woman to have kids? I used to think 40 (just to be fair to kid).

That’s what the Op asks.

I am 43 and have been ttc for nearly 3 years, I am in really good health but have multiple miscarriages and surgeries, if you are really wanting a child you need to crack on ASAP and get your DH onboard, don’t dally

Chromosome issues are really high post 40 and the risk increases

Except the miscarriage rate above 40 is much, much higher, I don’t imagine that all these women having their first baby into their fourties are likely to have first time perfect pregnancies, it’s far more likely that they lost multiple pregnancies before that.

Added to which, I imagine the termination rate for downs and other chromosomal disorders are much higher since the incidents of downs is much higher post 40.

Really high ?
Do you have any figures available. I would be interested to see them .

www.mychildwithoutlimits.org/understand/down-syndrome/what-causes-down-syndrome/down-syndrome-risk-factors/

These figures make for very sobering reading. 75% of babies with Downs are born to women under 40 but only 9% of total babies are born to women over 40. And 25% of babies with Downs are born to that 9% of women. The risk under 40 is 1 in 1000 but over 40 it drops to 1 in 40 and then 1 in twelve by the age of 49.

Added in the fact that 94% of pregnancies where downs is detected are terminated and the figures make for rather unhappy reading.

If you could easily die before they reach 20 then I think that’s unfair, or if you would need caring for in their teen years.

My DPs parents were 45 when they had him ... he had a lovely childhood x