How old is too old to have kids?

[rightageforkids]

I am 40 and have no kid. Dh doesn't want. We got married late and now he thinks it's too late. He has become a workaholic with no time for anything else :(
I still hope that one day there will be kids or at least a kid. I know I am dreaming.
How old is too old for a woman to have kids? I used to think 40 (just to be fair to kid).

I know the media scaremonger quite a bit but during a woman's 40s fertility DOES begin to drop rapidly doesn't it?

I'm sure I read most women can become pregnant naturally during early 40s but only the minority can at 45

So if I was 40 I would be having a serious think as the years are probably numbered

It really depends on the area you live in too.
A woman at our school had a baby at 44, she was 50 when her dd was still in reception & quite frankly looked like her grandmother. All the other mums were in their late 20’s early 30’a so she stuck out like a sore thumb.

Feelitstill and the problem with looking older than your school gate bitches peers is...??

ChaosNeverRains

Well said with your comments on here re adoption. I was going to say the same, but you’ve expressed it better than I could. Adoption is definitely not the easy alternative many of the posters on here appear to think it is.

I have asked my son if having an older mum has had a negative impact on him. He said that I'm beautiful and extremely important in his life and it makes no difference to him what age I am. He loves me and I love him.

I wouldn't worry about it on the age scale but to be aware that it actually may impact on you, mentally and physically.

My son has kept me young and alive though. I have had a few regrets in the past, but I just enjoy his company now, when he deigns to share it with me.

After years of trying I had my only at 42 (nearly 43). I was one of the oldest at antenatal classes, but had a textbook pregnancy. I think I disappointed the doctors!

I had DC1 at 29 and DC2 at 32. I am now 39, separated from DC dad and seeing a new man. I would love another child and would consider that reasonable up until 45 and absolutely normal up until 42. I am more fit and healthy than before, more capable and relaxed and have more support, so a baby would be a blessing.
Unfortunately too many other factors to consider to make the baby happen.

I had mine when I was 36 and 38. I would have preferred to have them earlier but had fertility problems. After 14 years of trying I feel very lucky to have them and I don't think they've missed out on anything having "older parents".

When I was pregnant with my youngest and going to check ups the waiting room seemed to have much more older mums than younger mums. Honestly, I'd be surprised at anyone giving a second thought to anyone pregnant in their 40's.

people are just younger these days. healthier, fitter. rarely do people drop dead of a heart attack at 60 or have grandchildren in their 40s

I have to disagree with Justbreathing

The last two funerals I've been to: one was 47, male, three children, the oldest 12 and the youngest 6; and the other a 74 year old woman (who if she did have a child at 45 would make that child 29 - she didn't though and the youngest was 45).

My mum is 92 and her youngest is 54. She had seven previously. I would say she is an exception to the rule. There are no clear cut rules in life. Giving birth/being a parent is taking a risk, but the younger you are when you do it, the better.

My sil was 42 and 44. This wasn't by choice I'll add, they had a long road of pregnancy loss before having their 2 children. She does say she wishes she'd had them younger, but it was definitely a case of better late than never. They're brilliant kids, healthy and happy, and she's a wonderful high energy mum even though she's 50 now.

My friend had twins at 46! I have a number of friends who had their first baby in their early 40s too. Most people wouldn't blink twice at this.

Also, I had my first at 28 and the reactions I got about being too young were ridiculous! The way my mum went in you'd think I was having a teenage pregnancy! I only know one other person my age (30) who has children. She had hers at 27 (with her husband who she'd been with for 8 years!) and I heard a lot of people tutting about her being "the type to have them young" referring to her being quite a popular teenager. Most of my friends aren't even in relationships because they think early 30s is too young to get tied down. So in terms of social norms I definitely don't think 40 is too old.

I think people also need to consider the children as they grow up and the impact this has on them.

There are a lot of posters on here who talk about the impact of having elderly parents, if you have babies at the age of 40 you will be elderly before those children reach the age when you had them. If they then hold off until their 40’s to have children you will unlikely be able to be an involved grandparent, in fact I think that the fact people are having children so late now means we are going to end up with an age of more or less grandparentless children.

My parents were young when they had me and my sister, early 20’s but it meant for them that they were in their 40’s when we were grown up and they were free to do their own thing.

I’m in my 40’s now and my parents are in their mid 60’s and still very active. Me and my sister had children in our late 20’s/early/mid 30’s and our parents have been able to watch their grandchildren grow up and the grandchildren more importantly have been able to get to know their grandparents.

I don’t live locally to my parents now but they are able to still drive to see me, and I have had some major life issues which my parents, esp my dad as he’s now retired, have been immensely supportive with. Now I’m in a position of thinking of moving back in a couple of years so I can be there for them as well as they grow older and my dc will have left home by then.

My eXH’s parents are similar age to mine and were fully involved with our DC. They didn’t live locally but DC were able to go and stay with them over the holidays etc and they took them places and so on. They can still do that as dc are in their teens so they are less dependent. However eXH has a young toddler now and they are unable to have that kind of relationship with him as he’s still too young to go and stay there and by the time he is old enough they will be to old.

Similarly eXH’s partner has older children who her parents were very involved with as she was growing up. Again, used to have her to stay for holidays etc to give her mum a break as she was a single parent. Now they’re elderly (they were older parents anyway as iirc shes the youngest or second youngest of a few children and they had her older) one of them is in extremely poor health to the point he has become housebound in the past couple of years and they are now unable to have much to do with the younger DC because their health doesn’t allow for it any more.

This means that the younger DC is missing out on a relationship with grandparents on both sides which does exist for the older DC who were conceived when their parents were much younger.

Obviously poor health can affect anyone at any time as I know people do often state on these threads. But old age is a reality for everyone and although people are living much longer now, many of those people are still in poor health by the time they reach severe old age.

As a child it might not have bothered me if my parents were in their 40’s. Children know no different. But I would be devastated now if my parents were in their 80’s and heading towards the end of their lives.

Hmm I’m not sure I’m “devastated” that my parents are in their 80s. My mum regularly drives to visit us 60 miles away, babysits with ease, and often meets up with us in Central London.

She had me when she was 30, I had my last DC just before I was 40.

No hand wringing here, it’s worked wonderfully for us all.

Chaos, I had ancient parents by the standards of the day back in the 70s. I'm mid to late 40s and my Mum is mid 80s and I have two younger siblings. We're all ok - definitely not devastated!

I had my last at 31. I’d love another one now (at 40) but DH is older and doesn’t want anymore.

I have several friends who had babies at 40+ although for all bar one it took some time and/or intervention to happen.

Mind you, my grandmother had her last (of 12!) at 44 and my aunty found herself at 46 with three twenty-something children...and a surprise late baby on the way (now a strapping 25 year old man).

I'm 29, dh is 37. We had our kids at 22/30 and 25/33. Im glad I had them young.

Nordic, your post made me laugh! I had my first child at 27. I was living in an oh so trendy area of London and working in a management role in the media. By the way my colleagues and peers reacted, you’d have thought I was 15 and pregnant. I was ‘so young’

I was also the youngest mum at local toddler groups by a good 10 years.

My friend had 3 at 46
Single mum too

My cousin was 56 when their last was born

I had my first soon at 27 and the second at 31 and I regret to death. They are taking away my best years.
I wish I had listened to other advice and have kids later when you have a more stable financial situation.

I had my dd at 40, totally unplanned and I had never wanted children but it seemed like fate so now I have an amazing 4 yo. My mum had me at 44 and my sister had her third at 38 so in my family women can go on to have healthy children at a later age. OP, I think you need to talk to your DH. He could remain a workaholic after a child is born and it could work for you if you’re happy to do almost all the child rearing but you never know he might change his mind when you have a child.

Biologically I’d say there are issues with your age but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy child.

I had a baby at 40