How old is too old to have kids?

[rightageforkids]

I am 40 and have no kid. Dh doesn't want. We got married late and now he thinks it's too late. He has become a workaholic with no time for anything else :(
I still hope that one day there will be kids or at least a kid. I know I am dreaming.
How old is too old for a woman to have kids? I used to think 40 (just to be fair to kid).

He doesn’t want children now or ever?

I’ve also got plenty of friends that had children in their 40s. I had mine late thirties.

Your issue is DH not wanting them. Did you discuss this before you got married? Does he know how much you want a child?

Sounds like you need a long talk. 40 is not too old, at all.

I think age doesn’t matter however it does become difficult the older you get .

I know heaps of women that had their children over 40.
It's important to remember that as a species we are living much longer. It is not unfair then to assume that we can bear children later and rear them as effectively in our 40's now, as we could in our 20's in the 1920's.
The life expectancy of a woman in the uk is, on average, 82 now.

It’s very Individual to each person. I wouldn’t have any past 30, but have friend who had baby at 46

Standardrussian is bang on, it is very individual to each person which is why people are trying to impose their views on her despite her being quite clear in her acceptance of the views of others without trying to belittle their beliefs or convert them to her viewpoint.

Bravo *Standardrussian, it’s a shame not everyone can be mature as you 👍

The non-emotional/personal answer to this is that too old for a baby is either when you physically can have one or medically can’t be helped, the rest is up to your own personal beliefs. For those desperate for a child, it’s probable their eaccepted ceiling level would be higher than those who have had a child.

When menopause comes calling. My friend had her most recent child last year at 49. Her eldest is 25, with other children in between.

I’d always say 40 is cut off age to have last dc. But 41 or 42 is ok I suppose? But even at 42 you’d be 53 when the child is still at primary school. Just seems too old for me.
I was 36 when my last was born & that was about right. However, dh suffered a heart attack at just 54 ( he was 40 when dc born ) luckily he survived but he’ll be on tablets for the rest of his life & has to take things very easy. I know anyone at any age can get sick, but it’s far more likely the older you get. If it happens it happens, but I’d never plan to have dc past 40.

I had my first son at 30 second a thing 33. I'm 39 now and single again, I left my ex a year ago.

My mum asked me if I'd ever have more children and I wouldn't rule it out I feel I met someone, so potentially I could be 42 plus and still considering more kids.

I'm much fitter physically now than I was then, I look after myself better. I'm also more grown up. My ex nevertheless really wanted kids, he wasn't too excite so about the whole thing. so if I met someone and it felt right and I felt secure, maybe I might try again. I had a scan on my ovaries a while ago, the doc said I had the reserve of a much younger woman. My nan had her last child in her 40s.

Typos! Not a thing... had my second at 33!

Yep, is personal.

I’m more like @standardrussian66, was done at 25, my friend had her two at 40 and 41, my DSIS1 had my DN at 30 and possibly won’t have any more (health risks), my DSIS2 possibly won’t have any at all (30 this year).

A lot of different factors affect people’s personal choices.

If at 40 you want DC and your DH doesn’t because he feels he is too old then you need to decide whether you want to try for DC or be with your DH.

It is not something you should/can compromise on since he isn’t going to get younger.

I think age is not your problem here. If your DH doesn't want kids then your age doesn't matter unless you are planning to fall pregnant without telling him first?

Technically speaking I would say, as long as you are open to other ways of having a family, then age doesn't really matter.

Think your dh is the problem not being 40. As other have said if there is no medical reason not to then go for it or adopt.
If you sre mentally mature and financially able to support another life whats stopping you.
Energy levels and age dont come into it unless you have health problems. Parents can get sick and die in their 20s as well as their 40s.

Honestly, it is wholly subjective, but I had number 4 at 29 and wouldn't have had anymore after that. The thought of spending the rest of my life parenting young children is too much for me. Sleepless nights, tantrums, the teen years etc.

I want to see my children as young adults and enjoy them that way, and also enjoy my own freedoms with it.

Please don’t go down a path of trying to tell your h he is not too old BTW... He feels he is too old, that’s how he feels, you don’t feel too old, there is no wrong/right.

A friend of dd recently had no. 2 at 45.

Several of her ex school or uni friends have had no. 1 or 2 at around 40/41.

Lot of people now have babies at ages that would have been considered 'old' a while ago.
I had my first in the late 70s and was down in my notes as an 'elderly primigravida' - at 28!
Times and attitudes have changed so much.

It’s up to then individual but if your H doesn’t want them that’s the problem, not your age. I really don’t think the age of the mother matters.

Hi OP. I had my last at 42. I'm 45 and wonder 'should we have another?' but that's the 'Fucking Crazy' talking. I'm knackered! But if I'd had my first at 42, there'd be nothing wrong with thinking/trying for another.

I know loads of women who've had first babies at 40,42, 44. One had her first at 46- no IVF or fertility drugs. It happens. What you have to do is know your cycle, know when and IF your ovulating. You can have a period and not ovulate. So I'd recommend a fertility kit which lets you know exactly when it's time to get busy. Good luck! And totally go for it! But first, get your DH on board.

🙄 of course the age of the mother (and the father) matters because some people are not comfortable with some things that other people are.

CakeRattleandRoll I agree I was having the time of my life in my twenties, travelling, getting myself set up with an amazing career. That would all have been really hard/impossible for me if I had had kids. I think 30s is the perfect time for woman to have kids, loads of energy, great careers with maternity packages, own home bought etc.... But that’s what’s right for me. Having kids in your 20s or 40s is the right thing too for other people. Good luck OP. I think you should have a serious chat with the husband and crack on xxx

At 42 your chance ofmiscarriage jumps to 50%. I consider myself a walking social experiment as I had my first at 37 with no problems whatsoever. Then three miscarriages (one due to Downs) then a healthy baby at 40, then a TFMR at 42 due to Edwards Syndrome. We had genetic testing after our three miscarriages and we’re not clear, so all these issues are age related.

We don’t use any contraception and I’ll be 43 in a couple of weeks. Luckily I’m now feeling stronger about it all and if we catch again then fine, if we don’t then fine. It’s a heart breaking road to tread when your past 40 so just be aware of that. A positive pregnancy test is the very beginning of a path that can be beset with difficulties.

‘We’re both clear’ that should have read 🤦🏻‍♀️

So if you’re not comfortable having a baby at 40 or whatever don’t have one.

It doesn’t mean that it’s important.

I know plenty of people who have had children in their 40s. Certainly where I live it isn't rare at all (plus in my family most women have had a 'surprise' pregnancy in their mid-40s which they have mistaken for the menopause!). I think your bigger issue is your DH - if you want a baby, I'd start trying now but sounds like he's not on board, which must be very tough for you.

Don't know why everyone is getting torn into @StandardRussian66 I don't want to have kids after 30 either!!

DwangelaForever exactly it’s up to the individual. Personally I’m glad I didn’t have kids in my 20s it would have ruined everything - I had the best time and got myself a fantastic career and a gorgeous home. 20s,30s & 40’s are all ok depending on the individual 😊