How old is too old to have kids?

[rightageforkids]

I am 40 and have no kid. Dh doesn't want. We got married late and now he thinks it's too late. He has become a workaholic with no time for anything else :(
I still hope that one day there will be kids or at least a kid. I know I am dreaming.
How old is too old for a woman to have kids? I used to think 40 (just to be fair to kid).

It's really not just about the baby/ toddler years. To get a balanced view you really need to get the perspective of women in their late fifties/ early sixties with teenagers.

Yes another suitcase is right.

I met my husband at 37, got married at 39 and started trying. Never got pregnant. Doctors just said it was my age. I was upset at the time (so many of my friends had babies from 38-42), bit now I'm nearly 50,I'm quite glad I don't have to run around doing school runs and sports clubs like we used to when my stepson was younger. I had more energy for it in my late 30s.

The other thing to consider is parents. My friend had a baby (egg harvested when younger) at 45. Her mother was 78. Now she has a stroppy 4yr old and a mother that is in and out of hospital (plus a sick partner who can't do much childcare). My parents have had some serious health problems and have taken a lot of caring for, I'm quite glad my stepson is at university and not needing the same hands on care that he did when he was younger, I don't know how I'd have coped.

There are so many variables in life, though.

Personally, I feel too old now at 40 all things considered and DH definitely doesn't have the emotional energy to do all those child rearing years again. His father dropped dead out of the blue after a stroke at 60, so I think that makes him even more aware of being an older parent. We benefited massively from my parents being in their 50s and fit and well when our DC came along, too, and helping us out a lot.

Having said all that, if I were childless now and contemplating my first/only child, I don't think I'd let any of that put me off. Life has its difficulties at any age or stage. I had a disabled child at 27, with a condition screening couldn't have picked up. I also became ill in my 30s with a condition that doesn't discriminate age wise.

Shit happens!

I know lots of school friend Mums who have had dc in their 40’s, it’s nothing out of the ordinary where I’m from. An old school friend had two more dc between the age of 44 & 47, It’s individual choice. I had my first at 36. Different reasons for not having anymore.

The most important thing is you both have to want a dc.

It's perfectly possible to have babies in your 40s - as long as you are still fertile - and many women are. But you won't know if you're one of them until you try! And for that, you need a willing DP ...

I had DD at 40 and DS at 44.
I didn't meet DP till I was 39, so no choice about having them earlier. I was fairly fit and had no complications.
Good luck!

I don’t think that 40 is too old. I don’t want any more but I am nearly 45 and (notwithstanding difficulties in actually getting and staying pregnant) I do think that’s too old.

All the “done by 30” lot are pretty fortunate they’d not only met the person or people they wanted to have kids with and were able to get pregnant!

There's a difference between having a preference for being in your late 20s, and there's actively thinking women are too old by 30 to have kids isn't there...

Good job she said nothing of the sort then...

Her post opened with saying it’s completely individual.

I’m 26 and pregnant with my first. I hope to have all childbearing done by 30! This is what’s right for me and my DH, our health, career and finances. There are a million different choices we could have made along the with at could have changed that, but like everyone we’re working with what we got, where we are. One of my good friends just had her first at 43 and she is loving it - to be honest I only hope to be half the mother she is.

DH and I have studied, travelled the world, bought a house, got married, reached levels we’re happy with at work and saved some money. PP are right there’s lots to do in your twenties and for us having our babies is one of them.

All the “done by 30” lot are pretty fortunate they’d not only met the person or people they wanted to have kids with and were able to get pregnant!

Don’t assume things. People’s feelings about whether they want to have DC or not, what circumstances they would want to have DC in and how old they would be comfortable having a baby if they had one are all different and complicated.

What is important is making informed choices and being reconciled to the outcome.

If you want to be financially stable and married to a life partner then this will likely mean (but not always) delaying TTC, if you want DC young this may mean (not always) TTC in less stable circs. The only thing that is wrong in this area whether you are male or female is having your right to decide re reproduction taken away because of lies, dishonesty or abuse.

I left my partner at 40 (no kids together) met my new partner shortly after (he had no kids) and had our baby at 43 and three quarters.

It's entirely up to you if you want a baby at whatever age.

I hope my story shows there's hope even if it seems impossible.

If hour partner doesn't want kids and you do, I advise leaving (albeit tjat can be difficult and daunting).

40 is considered "normal" i.e not too old here, south east commuter village where quite a few women have spent their 20's and 30's building a career and living in London, before meeting and settling down with their dp and moving here to bring up a family. Also lots of mums in 30's but interesting not many in their 20's, dh thinks to do with se house prices and being in commuter belt unable to get on the housing ladder in these places, but that's a whole other thread.

There are quite a few first time mums in their late 30's to early 40's, plus mums having their 2nd in their early 40's, and I know a lady who's just had her 3rd at 41 and it was planned, she knows from her other dc what pregnancy and parenting is like obviously and it didn't put her of doing it again at 41. In fact I just realised I know a couple of mums who have had their 3rd at 40/41, nobody bats an eye lid about the age, they probably would if it was nearer to 50 though, agree once you get past mid 40's and you my end up also caring for an elderly parent as well as a baby / toddler that must be bloody hard.

My mum was 40 when she had me back in the late 70's because of meeting my dad later and back then they called her a geriatric mother and her friends and family thought she was too old to have a baby. Obviously times have changed! I had kids in my early 30's after meeting my dh in my mid 20's and then having fertility issues, I just felt lucky to have a baby after going through that, I agree with others who have said the main thing is having a supportive partner though, at any age, in case of any fertility struggles, make sure it is what you both want first and then take it from there xx

4 days after my 38th birthday when I gave birth. I do feel that was pushing it abit. But I didnt want kids any earlier...was working...travelling and loving life. Spilt with my then boyfriend then fell madly in love with my now DH.

My 12 yr old DS hates the fact Im 51 today actually...and his Dad is 56. He says compared to his friends we are really old and some people make fun of him. This makes me sad

I had been with my partner for over 10 years when I decided at the age of 35 I wanted a dc. I was just never broody in my 20’s and early 30’s.

I agree that before 40 is best but I too would rather have a baby I’m my 40s than no child at all

I look at it from the perspective of he child.

My father had me at 49.

It was too old. There I’ve said it. I felt embarrassed at school. And then he became very ill on his sixties and died in my 20s aged 78.

He was a wonderful father! Truly spectacular. But it would have been so awesome if he had had me 10 years earlier.

All those saying “I had my baby at 44 and it was fine”. Yes, it’s fine for you. But what about your child dealing with an aged parent in his/her early 20s and being the 13 year old with a mother approaching 60.

As a result of my experience I was damn sure I wasn’t going to wait. One child 28, one child 31. I want to be in good health and be around for my children when they are in their 30s and 40s, and whilst here is no guaranteeing that - it’s a whole lot more likely with a 60-65 year old than with a 75-80 year old.

A 30 year old mum at pre-school once said to me "I think it's wrong to have children after 30." I was very clearly well over 30. This was about 15 years ago.

Bumped into her the other day with her 1 year old. Never say never.

I am 30 and had four children in my twenties, my last being born 3 months before my 30th and I was sterilised during his birth. I always wanted to have completed my family by my early thirties. But obviously if things hadn't worked out, I would have had a baby in my early thirties. For me personally I'd say over 40 is too old, my eldest will be 20 when I'm 40 and I want to be past the young children stage by then and get time to myself as my younger years I've concentrated on my kids. But that's not to say it's wrong for someone else.

I think past 40 is too old and a bit selfish, if I'm being honest.

43

Not everyone can have children at the click of a finger. It can take healthy couples up to a year to conceive and some unlucky ones experience miscarriage. It's not something that can be planned for a specific age from my experience so I find those people saying "beyond thirty is too old in my opinion I had all line in my twenties" rather ignorant.

40 is most certainly not too old. You'll be monitored closely by doctors and may risk more complications but in your position I wouldn't let that put me off. I know many younger people myself included who have faced risks and complications which are nothing to do with age.

If you want a baby then go for it. People think that people are having kids at an older age these days and that just isn't true. People are having their first child at an older age but the number of children born to women in their 40s is approximately the same as it was 50-60 years ago.

It’s not too old. At all. Your main issue is the difference between what you and your DH want.

I had mine at 40 and 42. We had lived our lives heartily before and were ready to embrace parenthood; really was not before this. Can't say I felt any more tired than any of my decade younger friends. And I feel having dcs later gave us a second go at life.

Like others on here, 30 was my personal cutoff point, just as it was for my mum and nana. It’s had it’s advantages, my 2 daughters (9 & 7) have a great relationship with my mum aged 52 and my nana aged 79. I couldn’t imagine it being any other way and I do feel sorry for children of older mums that won’t have any relationships with their grandparents/great grandparents

Over 38

Please don't feel sorry for my DS sparkling, it's really not necessary. My 2yo DS already has a great relationship with all his grandparents 🙄