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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often do you have sex?

82 replies

arewenormal · 28/07/2004 07:57

DH and I have never had a very active sex life but since having DS two years ago we've only had sex three times! Is this normal? I think we'd both like to have sex more often but perhaps only because we think we 'should'. Is it the same for everyone or is everyone else shagging like bunnies??

OP posts:
Bunglie · 28/07/2004 08:04

I personally think that this is a VERY personal question, but I understand why you are asking it, as 'yes' I went off sex after my children, but in retrospect I wonder if that was just tiredness.
May I sugest if it really does bother you that you contact relate.
Everyone is different and we all have our own needs. But I do strongly believe that what goes on in the bedroom is someones private buisness as long as it does not cause hurt or harm to anyone else.
Contact a counsellor like Relate, if you think this is bringing unnecessary stress between you and dh, but time will sort out most things, try not to worry about it. HTH

reallyembarrassedbut · 28/07/2004 08:57

It IS a personal question, but this is a pretty good place to start, that's one of the beauties of the anonymity of the internet.

To answer your question, personally, not at all in 6 years, since the birth of our DH, but that's for emotional issues (mt DW doesn't find me attractive/like me very much) rather than anything else.

There have been lots of threads about it, so try here

The third in a series , starting here

reallyembarrassedbut · 28/07/2004 08:57

oops - got the second link wrong

ladygarden · 28/07/2004 09:03

Before we had DD a year ago we were a 3x a week couple, now I can't even imagine that! These days it's more like once a month. I'm not sure what happened, I know my sex drive has dried up a bit but can't explain DPs... It's worrying but I'm not sure what to do about it. I used to believe that sex is like a barometer on a relationship - the more you want to the more successful the relationship. But a lot of things I used to think have gone out of the window since DD!

Piffleoffagus · 28/07/2004 09:04

Ours definitely suffered after the birth of our dd but it has started to improve, after we put some time and effort into restoring it, it is an important part for both of us and we have a very good relationship so we can discuss things.
I know it is not always easy.
What does your dh think you should be doing? Is it both of you being not interested?

marthamoo · 28/07/2004 14:56

Too much.

marthamoosdh · 28/07/2004 14:59

Not enough.

daisy1999 · 28/07/2004 15:01

lol marthamoo

marthamoo · 28/07/2004 15:03

Sorry - couldn't help it. Ours tends to be feast of famine: definitely in a fallow period at the moment. Dh is invariably more keen than me - I am too tired/cross/not in right frame of mind whereas he is pretty much gagging for it constantly. He has learned, over the years, to be patient! I think it's only a problem if it's a problem, IYKWIM. What other people do is irrelevant so long as you are happy (the 3 times a night-ers are lying anyway!)

jampot · 28/07/2004 15:09

One of the school mums has sex every single morning without fail!!! This secret was divulged on a drunken evening out last week so the next morning at leavers assembly the other "drunken mums" sat sniffing as she walked past.

marthamoo · 28/07/2004 15:15

Surely it becomes a bit of a chore to have a set "doing it" time? What happened to spontenaiety? (I know, people couldn't figure out how to spell it )

Fio2 · 28/07/2004 15:16

we do it 3 times a night hehehehe

marthamoo · 28/07/2004 15:17

I am like Elizabeth I and her baths - I do it twice a year whether I need to or no.

daisy1999 · 28/07/2004 15:18

As long as you're evenly matched it isn't a problem how often. I do it 3 times a week and he does it once a week - lol.

Northerner · 28/07/2004 15:22

Yeah Marthamoo my dh is always gagging for it too. He'd do it every day if I was willing. I'm the one who refuses - never him. But what he doesn't seem to understand is if he 'set the scene' and cooked dinner, lit candles etc I'd probably be up for it. But normally he just says 'can I have a shag tonight then?' LOL!

marthamoo · 28/07/2004 15:24

Northerner, are we married to the same man?

Dh's idea of foreplay is "you up for it tonight then?" And who said romance was dead?

lou33 · 28/07/2004 15:26

Am I the only one who has a dh with a lower libido than me ?

Fio2 · 28/07/2004 15:29

no mine has too lou, we have had this coversation before

Northerner · 28/07/2004 15:30

LOL Marthamoo!

It's a standing joke in our house that dh doesn't 'make love' he shags. He never holds me tenderly or anything like that. He likes a good old dirty session.=It's one of the things that first attracted me to him actually

jampot · 28/07/2004 15:31

I think my dh is also married to Northerner & Marthamoo

sponge · 28/07/2004 15:32

If it's only bothering you because you're worried how much other people are doing it then it isn't really a problem.
If on the other hand you think it's becoming an issue between you then talk about it and try and set aside some time for yourselves occasionally.
The first couple of years are the hardest I think from this point of view as your kids don't give you much peace and by the time they're asleep you're too knackered. It does get better.
DD is now 4 and we probably manage about once a week on average, although less now as I'm 39 weeks pg and can't imagine a position which would be comfortable for both of us .

Piffleoffagus · 28/07/2004 15:40

My Dh is pretty highly sexed, I used to be pre dd, but life is tiring, staying at home is taxing on the pysche, you sometiems have to feel and look good about yourself to enable himself to feel that way about you. I am sure dh would have me any way, but for me it's a little more tricky than that.
I do know I fancy him though and that it is only him I want to do it with...

sunchowder · 28/07/2004 16:20

Oh God have I missed all of you! Lou and Fio2--BELIEVE me you are not the only ones!!! I booked another cruise for October and I just might have to wait until then!

Piffleoffagus · 28/07/2004 16:24

I also loved dh's dirty streak..
with one night waking, soiled nappy baby, it suddenly occured that I was fortunate to have checked for other redeeming features...

reallyembarrassedbut · 28/07/2004 16:49

I think the "barometer" idea is of relevance, and to be honest it worries me sick that we don't make love any more.

crawls back to other thread and hides

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