Partner with views that I find disgusting

[NewYearNewStart2018]

Basically I have been with my partner over a year, there are things that I am starting to think seriously about, they hold views that I deem disgusting basically.
It came to a head this weekend as we were driving past a group of women in religious headwear, and they made shooting motions through the car window, I said what the fuck are you doing? To which the reply was “well that’s what they do to us” I answered “no, those particular people have done no such thing” their answer “well people from their background do” I just can’t get over how someone can be so ignorant and judgmental. There’s been occasions where some much milder things have come up and not just relating to race. These things have crept up and weren’t apparent at the beginning of the relationship.
This is a dealbreaker isn’t it? It’s actually made me feel quite disgusted towards my partner.

LTB. Her gender doesn't make her racist attitude more acceptable.

Leave. This won’t be the only disgusting view he has on the world.

Good luck op and I concur with advice upthread - phone the police if she turns up at your door.

NewYearNewStart2018 Womens Aid will be able to give you some support, and you might want to look at their Freedom Programme.

the cis thing. To call me cis is to assume my gender. I dont have one because its a crock of shite. So stfu and simply call me a woman because my ovaries are getting pissed with that nonsense.

OP ditch her. the second you put your own morals and ethics on the back seat for someone else is the very moment you lose yourself.

UpstartCrow what’s the freedom programme? I will google now

Have you had a reply?

Don't understand. Who is they?

It might help you break free from the cycle of yo yo relationship where you keep splitting up and getting back together. You don't seem very comfortable or confident about telling them its over.
It isnt pleasant to be constantly wondering if someone is going to turn up on your doorstep and have to ask them to leave.

This might give you a bit more confidence in setting boundaries.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

They is referring to her girlfriend

Yes I’ve had a nasty reply, says it all I suppose.
Just the usual with an added extra of I never loved you anyway and I’ll be happier without you or your kids in my life ... that’s her style though, and tomorrow it will be “I only said that because I was hurt”
But this time I won’t be replying I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.

Thanks UpstartCrow that’s very helpful 💐

Well done OP. Please do seek support with women’s aid.

Good for you. Not the sort of role model you want for your kids surely. Good luck x

Found a freedom programme course just down the road from me :) I’ll ring and book tomorrow. I’ve never experienced violence though, just emotional, does that matter? I think it would be helpful

I’m just bracing myself for the endless texts I’ll recieve tonight to wake up too 😴 I’m not even gong to open them

Don’t beat up on yourself OP, it is human nature to overlook a lot of one’s partner’s disliked behaviours in the early days of a relationship. I guess we hope they might change etc. However, now you have her true measure and you realise she is racist and generally bad news it is time to end the relationship once and for all. You can expect she won’t take you seriously at first because you have given her mixed messages in the past by taking her back, but you know how to deal with that.
I’m sure there is some nice woman more deserving of your affection out there once you are in a position to move on.
Good luck

New year - don’t be afraid to block.

IMO it might be worth sending a final text just saying ‘Ok, good. In light of your behaviour last time we broke up being so extreme that I felt I needed to call the police I’m just prewarning you that this is the last contact I will expect to have from you. Further contact, especially turning up at my house and frightening me and my children, will be construed as harassment and I will not hesitate to report this to the police’

And no, doesn’t matter that it wasn’t physical re the freedom programme (and also it is a really amazing course to do).

This cis debate is ridiculous. The PP who used the term wasn’t even referring to any of you so what’s with all the ‘I’m not a cis woman I’m just a woman...’

Do you have an issue with being called ‘heterosexual’ if you are attracted to the opposite gender? Because to say the word ‘cis’ doesn’t need to exist is like saying the term ‘heterosexual’ doesn’t. Which would infer that you’re either gay or normal. Now THAT’s offensive.

offred I don’t want to do anything that might inflame her as ridiculous as that sounds, last time she threatened to report my sis to social services etc because her house is messy when I didn’t reply and she thought she was blocked. I don’t know what she is capable of. I know her entire family are no contact with her but I don’t know why. She’s a very angry person

She’s now told me she’ll go talk to her ex and if she feels like it she’ll fuck her 🙄 I haven’t responded at all to any text from her. seriously how does someone get to the age of 42 and be this way. I’m well rid.

Just block her number.

Do you have an issue with being called ‘heterosexual’ if you are attracted to the opposite gender? Because to say the word ‘cis’ doesn’t need to exist is like saying the term ‘heterosexual’ doesn’t. Which would infer that you’re either gay or normal. Now THAT’s offensive

actually whats offensive is conflating gender identity with sexuality.

gender identity doesnt change your sexual attraction. If you're male and your gender ID is feminine but you're into dudes you don't suddenly become hetero. Ditto being male and IDing as feminine but into women doesnt make you a lesbian.

being called hetero - measurable, factual - and being called cis - based on constructed stereotypes that pigeon hole people - are two very very different things.

I'm hetero. That is a fact. I am not 'cis' because gender ID is a bullshite concept used to keep men and women in their place.

I do not ID with my oppression.

You certainly are well rid. Let her show herself up, she is just making a fool of herself.. Ignore her. And bloody well done xxx