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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dilemma on this weird Tinder situation

482 replies

Tyrianstoe · 13/01/2018 17:34

Had to nickname change as I'm a regular and to be fair I'm embarrassed. Split up with my ex 2 weeks ago (his fault, broke my trust) and in a fit of anger and suspicion set up a Tinder account on Thursday night to see if he's on there as that's where we met. Anyway, was swiping through and I saw this lovely looking guy who had a very funny profile that mentioned a very obscure band that I love so swiped guiltily right. Don't know why I feel bad because my ex is a lying arsehole, but I'm aware it's too soon. This guy messaged me! So I said 'I like that band loads, nobody has heard of them' and we swapped messages. Then I thought I'm being a bit of a dick here so I deleted my Tinder but said if he wanted to message me off there he could and gave him my number. Thinking he wouldn't.

He found me on WhatsApp. He was telling me about his little boy who is going for an assessment for a disability, I write the assessments as a job so he was asking me what to expect. Then, this is where it gets weird...he asks me where I come from. Told him. He's from the same town. Not too weird. So asks where I live now, I live in another town not far away. He moved to my town 5 days ago. This morning he mentioned he lived opposite an emergency services station. So do I. He told me the name of his street. My house looks onto that street! I can see his house from mine.

So I do t know whether this is just too bizarre and I stop messaging him but...I don't want to! He seems sound. He doesn't use any words on my banned list, is retraining to do a job I'd love to do, likes the same music, doesn't put xxx on anything, doesn't use lol and doesn't call me Hun/babe Grin I'm mad aren't I? This has got big fat rebound all over it. But my interest is piqued. Slap me with a wet fish!

OP posts:
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 07:47

I think so many of us have been waiting for you to wake up haha! So glad you had a lovely evening and you didn't cancel in the end! Just text him and ask him how he's feeling today! Did he drink much?

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 07:50

So I messaged him saying I'm so sorry, damn red wine...and things have escalated. Basically I didn't fall asleep but told him that he should go shag around for a bit and if he still wants to come back and see me in 3 months.

I can see drunk me and why I thought this.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 17/01/2018 07:51

And did he reply to that???

gunsandbanjos · 17/01/2018 07:52

Yay!! Just found this thread and glad you didn’t cancel.
I met my hubby (only kidding) husband on POF, we got married 6 weeks ago.

I love your list! I absolutely hate them too and binned a couple of guys on OLD for using them. One of them seemed to use lol almost like punctuation.

gunsandbanjos · 17/01/2018 07:53

Oh... just seen your update, did he say anything about that?

FluffyWhiteTowels · 17/01/2018 07:56

That red wine has a lot to answer for !

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 07:57

He said 'we got a little deep'.

Basically, my drunk reasoning was he's just moved out of the house where he was with someone for 14 years. He said they separated 18 months ago and his ex has been seeing someone else for a year.

In my head I must have been thinking he's not in a position to have a relationship so I went into self protective overthinking mode.

OP posts:
Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 07:58

That red wine is a fucker Confused

OP posts:
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 08:05

Oh god, hopefully he's alright with you today, surely he can see where you are coming from, and that it was the wine speaking and not actually you!

EggsonHeads · 17/01/2018 08:10

I actually find that really weird. I mean, what are the odds? I would be a bit worried that he had been stalking you or something before looking for you on tinder but I doubt it. If you are up for dating a man with a child I don't really see any harm. I don't think living on the same street makes much of a difference.

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 08:12

I am really good at self sabotaging aren't I? I really like him. I don't want him to go shag other people for 3 months!

OP posts:
Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 08:13

I want him to shag me!

OP posts:
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 08:15

Maybe just explain you get your guard up when you like someone, and you're sorry or something, how is he being with you this morning? Yea I get like that haha

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 08:18

He is being no really lovely with me.

OP posts:
TheSassyAssassin · 17/01/2018 08:19

Right. Be honest. No point game playing. Reply saying red wine didn't help but you were thinking of his situation and of neither of you getting hurt. However say sober you def doesn't agree with drunk you...!

Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 08:38

Yea I agree with @TheSassyAssassin!

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 17/01/2018 08:42

Oh Tyrianstoe I'm so glad you had a lovely time together Smile
Don't worry so much about what you said after the vino kicked in, it obviously hasn't put him off and at least he now knows that he needs to prove himself worthy of your affections.
I have high hopes for this romance! BlushFlowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 17/01/2018 08:53

I think you need another snog tonight, without the vino, if you dare ! 😂
You may well have a keeper here, I hope so.🌸

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 09:15

Well, me being a drunken dick hasn't put him off. Or me being post flu and no makeup. Or the cold sore. We are going on another date Smile

OP posts:
Guardsman18 · 17/01/2018 09:20

This has really cheered me up!

So pleased for you. Next date is??

Tyrianstoe · 17/01/2018 09:23

Friday Smile although he just said I'll see you in 10 mins Grin

OP posts:
DavidBowiesNumber1 · 17/01/2018 09:23

Excellent news Tyrianstoe
SmileFlowersSmileFlowersSmile

Aridane · 17/01/2018 09:26

Placemarking

TheSassyAssassin · 17/01/2018 09:32

Yaaaaay! don't have quite as much red wine on Fri! Happy dance 💃

Mirrormirrorotw · 17/01/2018 09:32

Oh this man sounds like a longhaul-guy.

I'm reading this and actually grinning for you.