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Relationships

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Original poster

Article in Guardian about black men not dating black women

137 replies

CharizMa · 13/01/2018 14:20

Sorry cant link on my phone but i thought it was interesting and sad that yet again men hold all the power in dsting. Im white in ireland so im not dating black men or any men at all as the ones who message me are all so much older and look like lifers and send messages that dont win u over. I guess im just saying that i cant imagine what it must be like for it to be WORSE than it is. Why do men get to do all the choosing?

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 16:57

I again got told by my mum how my life was all wrong and I should have met a white man
So what is so bad about your life that makes her say this?

ThisLittleKitty · 14/01/2018 17:04

Same with my sister and herself we are single parents. But if I had met a nice white man that apparently wouldn't be the case.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 17:34

Speaking as a late 30s woman I would not want to date a 50+ man.
I consider that to old and if that's all I'm likely to get as the poster implied I'd rather stay single.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 17:53

Speaking as a late 30s woman I would not want to date a 50+ man.

I totally understand this and I'd feel the same.... however from a man's POV... is he's say 40 and not got children...a 38 years+ woman is a risky bet for kids. Fertility declining and all that.

I'm not saying having children at that age isn't possible...far from it...my sister had her 3rd DC at that age.

It's that fertility window...which is why I get so frustrated when women spend years being the OW to a MM.... and she gets discarded after years...with nothing to show for it and he has his wife and family tucked away....but that's another story.

AlmondPearls · 14/01/2018 18:06

OP, I'm still not sure I get it. Do you mean that by dating an older man when you were young, you would have been indirectly taking away the older men who should have been available to date older women their own age?

I don't get that but then I have no problem with big age-gaps in relationships at all, and I don't think it's a problem that men find younger women attractive.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 18:20

Almond but don't you get the entitlement these older men feel?
I would not approach a 10+ year younger man as I know I would probably not be a good match and out of his league.
But you get these 40s and 50+ year men who quite frankly look their age believing they have a chance with much younger women and are deluded in thinking these young women will be attracted to them.
The only older men who tend to be successful with much younger women are those with big bank balances.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 18:20

meant not in his league lol

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 18:39

But you get these 40s and 50+ year men who quite frankly look their age believing they have a chance with much younger women and are deluded in thinking these young women will be attracted to them.

The thing is though that some younger women are interested in older men.

You see enough stories evev here on MN where the husband has left for a much younger woman.

There's no way in my twenties or early thirties I'd have considered a man with kids...much less have an affair with one...and deal with ex wife and kids baggage.

Many younger women find an older wealthy man in a position of authority attractive.

AlmondPearls · 14/01/2018 18:40

user

Those men aren't deluded in thinking that younger women will be attracted to them? A lot of younger women are attracted to older men. Certainly, a few years ago when I was a teen almost all of my friends were dating men older than them.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 18:42

But how much older? years or decades.

Original poster

CharizMa · 14/01/2018 18:48

If i have to 'settle' id give up height first. Personality and chemistry and compatibility. I thought this was a useful epiphany a while ago and did a search for shorter men but APPARENTLY there are none.

OP posts:

AlmondPearls · 14/01/2018 18:54

user Often a decade older. I know a couple who are 21(woman) and 50+ (the man), even at 13/14 she always fancied Alan Rickman. 18 year olds with 30 year olds, 17 year old with a 26 year old etc.

It's not preposterous for young women to like old men.

AlmondPearls · 14/01/2018 18:55

I myself found plenty of 30+ men attractive as a 11/10 year old.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 19:00

I often wonder if these women who date much older men have daddy issues.
Why would you want someone so much older than you?
You will surely be at different life stages?
it would be interesting to know how many of these big age gap relationships actually work.

ElliePhillips · 14/01/2018 19:02

I've dated men on the shorter side. Height is not important to me. A man just needs to be my height or taller and I'm only 5ft 3" so for most men that is an easy bar to reach. Intellect is my aphrodisiac so that is the one thing I never compromised on.

AlmondPearls · 14/01/2018 19:05

user

Because... They are attractive. When I was 18 and dating a 28 year old, we certainly weren't at different 'life-stages'. He was still in the life-stage of an older teenager.

I imagine the reason my friend is dating a 50 year old is because she finds older men hot, and they share a passion for music. They 'clicked'. Life stages isn't all that important imo.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 19:29

I'm not one for large age gaps ..you're at different stages of life and I think you have a wealth of life experience which can be used to manipulate a younger partner.

I hate when a parent looks more like a grandparent.... know a couple with a 30+ year age gap and the dad looks like his grandad. I know that a a really large gap though.

I wouldn't be happy for my DD to bring a much older man home at all.

Height ... I've always liked men 6ft tall and upwards....that's not going to change..but I'd come down to 5 ft 10 if needs be.

Personality is by far the area to pay attention to though.

I do think daddy issues are a factor in some cases.

Same with my sister and herself we are single parents.

So you couldn't have been a single parent if you were with a white man?
All the single mum's have black dads for their kids eh.

Duchy0fGrandFenwick · 14/01/2018 19:30

Why would you want someone so much older than you?

Because they find them attractive. It’s really no ones business who anyone finds appealing .

Original poster

CharizMa · 14/01/2018 19:43

My parents had me really young. They are still together. But anybody too much older than I am just seems dad-like and non-sexual. It's a recognised thing.

OP posts:

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 19:56

I also think some older men like to manipulate a younger woman.
Of course each to their own but would you really be happy for your daughter to date a much older man?

ThisLittleKitty · 14/01/2018 19:57

*Same with my sister and herself we are single parents.

So you couldn't have been a single parent if you were with a white man?
All the single mum's have black dads for their kids eh.*

She's stuck in her ways and it's obviously a ridiculous opinion. I don't agree with her and unfortunately for her I won't be bringing home a white man but she would be thrilled if I did. I guess it's as someone said (not sure who said it sorry) about the black men who disagree with black women dating men but then turns out they've dated white women themselves.

user1490465531 · 14/01/2018 19:57

Realize sandy said a lot of what I'm thinking!

Thesmallthings · 14/01/2018 20:08

I'm ingaged to a black man... because I fancy him.. as a person... we both find the contrast if our skin touching sexy to..

I have also dated and even married a white man.. I don't have a type.. I just fancy who I fancy.

Df has mainly dated white woman.. though there are black woman he finds attractive to.

If had people asking it's a fetish and it was something df once had a girl date him purely because he was black and then dumped him because her farther found out.
If also heard black woman skating other for taking their men....which never made sence to me.
There will be woman who are only attracted to black / Chinese their own race.. just like there is men. I couldn't a fuck who people date or find attractive.

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 20:22

I won't be bringing home a white man

Are you not attracted to white men?

SandyY2K · 14/01/2018 20:23

@user1490465531

Yes. You said pretty much what I said.

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