I sexted another man but feel my OH is over reacting. Opinions?

[Mish2890]

Me and my OH have been together or 9 years and we have 2 kids together.

I've worked with this guy for around 7 years, we've become good friends and work in a close knit team of 6 which includes 2 of his sisters. We went on our Xmas do and after everyone went home it ended up just being me and him. We got a bit flirty but nothing happened and we went home separately. Over the following days we got a bit flirty over text until one day we were proper sexting but we shortly realised what we were doing and put a stop to it.

As far as we were concerned that was it, we stayed friends and carried on as normal, no one needed to know as nothing actually happened and we put a stop to it as quick as it started right?

Fast forward a few weeks and my OH looked through my phone and found messages. He confronted me and I admitted to everything and we broke up.

He wants us to get back together (as do I) but he says if we have any chance then I have to quit my job as he can't face me working with this guy. I understand where he's coming from but it just seems extreme, I need a job to pay the bills and it'll be hard to find another job if I just quit! I'm happy to look for another job but I refuse to leave the one i'm in as practically it doesn't make sense!

I know i'm in the wrong but we all make mistakes and I feel like losing my job is a bit extreme and will just make me resent him?

Thoughts?

You didn't make a mistake. You made a really, really, really disastrous choice. Learn from this.

Relationship ends or new job? Which would you prefer?

If it was reversed and he was working with the woman that he had been sexting how would you feel about him going to work each day?

Why was he looking at your phone? I’m guessing he was worried that he were cheating?

You've answered your own question really.
I feel like losing my job is a bit extreme and will just make me resent him

Branleuse

I partially agree with what you have said.

I don't think OP is worried about losing what she has.

I don't think it's too late. It depends on if the OP wants to take responsibility and repair things.

I take it you're new to MN and don't understand what biscuit means

I have been here for years and years. I know exactly what it means, it's still weird.

The biscuit is a visual metaphor for

“Aw, diddums”.

Never give up your job for any man.

If you give up your job, he will want to check your phone all the time, check on you when you're friends.

Tell him you won't give up your job. If he breaks up with you, he was never going to get past the cheating anyway.

It was silly and wrong to sex text but don't let OH become controlling because of it.

Agreed @Redguitar2. I was responding to comments saying that trust is broken, things can nener be the same and the OP needs to move on. Right now. There were plenty of other posts pointing out that she is minimising and needs to understand the enormity of her actions, be remorseful and resolve never to repeat the behaviour. I didn't think I needed to repeat that part.

He shouldn’t have gone through your phone unless you have him permission. That said he did. You kept the messages, whether the behaviour had finished or not, so clearly you weren’t completely over it- or you’d have deleted. I don’t blame him being uncomfortable with you continuing to work there if you do try to save the marriage. Just because this time it didn’t go further. Doesn’t mean it won’t next time. You are being unreasonable and don’t seem to be as concerned with saving your marriage as he is.