I sexted another man but feel my OH is over reacting. Opinions?

[Mish2890]

Me and my OH have been together or 9 years and we have 2 kids together.

I've worked with this guy for around 7 years, we've become good friends and work in a close knit team of 6 which includes 2 of his sisters. We went on our Xmas do and after everyone went home it ended up just being me and him. We got a bit flirty but nothing happened and we went home separately. Over the following days we got a bit flirty over text until one day we were proper sexting but we shortly realised what we were doing and put a stop to it.

As far as we were concerned that was it, we stayed friends and carried on as normal, no one needed to know as nothing actually happened and we put a stop to it as quick as it started right?

Fast forward a few weeks and my OH looked through my phone and found messages. He confronted me and I admitted to everything and we broke up.

He wants us to get back together (as do I) but he says if we have any chance then I have to quit my job as he can't face me working with this guy. I understand where he's coming from but it just seems extreme, I need a job to pay the bills and it'll be hard to find another job if I just quit! I'm happy to look for another job but I refuse to leave the one i'm in as practically it doesn't make sense!

I know i'm in the wrong but we all make mistakes and I feel like losing my job is a bit extreme and will just make me resent him?

Thoughts?

You played with fire and your selfishness has now caused the breakdown of your relationship.

Either way you will resent your oh.

Was getting your ego massaged worth it?

Your OH should LTB (leave the bitch). What would you be doing if the situation was reversed?

I don't think you should just quit your job, as if things don't work out between you, you would be left high and dry with no job.

Sexting IS cheating though and you minimising it is not going to help work things out. You need to work hard on finding another job, then work hard on your relationship.

I don't have a problem with partners looking at each others phones, though it sounds like he might have sensed something was going on. Also, he must have been very upset to have seen those messages so I don't blame him asking you to leave your job either. However, given how wobbly your relationship is, it probably isn't a good idea to leave your job without another to go to. So, I would pull out all the stops to find another job asap.

You went from getting a bit flirty to sexting with your colleague!?! I'd consider myself lucky that my husband was giving me another chance and yes, you definitely need to change jobs. However, it's not going to be plain sailing, rebuilding trust takes time and may not be possible.

He is better off without you.

i think you secretly want to keep that job because your bit on the side is there and your secretly in love with him, your lucky hb has even considered asking for you back.

Having seen sexting/flirting texts on my BF's phone - many years ago. I can easily say how awful it made me feel. I couldn't bring myself to admit I saw them but thankfully walked away from him some months later. He clearly thought it was ok and even told me he was writing a heartfelt letter to her to read on the plane when she went away on holiday (I knew her from Uni) I was devastated. He wouldn't tell me what was in the letter but I could guess - emotional betrayal is just as bad (sometimes worse) than physcial

Forgot to say that she was his previous GF

I don't know what's worse, the fact you did that or that you are then cheeky enough to think your partner is over reacting.

You should be grovelling on your knees.

If it were my husband that did that he wouldn't get back in my house.

I reckon everyone has covered all the bases on what your behaviour has amounted to in terms of infidelity and there is nothing more original I can add.
However, you sound quite young, if I might say and more than a bit reckless. Perhaps you are not ready for a commited and long term relationship. From where I am standing you want your job, which seems to mean a lot to you, your freedom to sext whilst having all the cosy security of a partner.
No one gets it all and out of common decensy to your OH, leave now and don't hurt him anymore than you already have. It really is for the best

I found sexts on my OH phone Xmas eve last year. I was devastated. He was not the person I thought he was. I felt totally betrayed. We've limped along for a year. I don't think it will ever be the same. I'm close to breaking things up after 7 years together.

So no. I don't think he's over reacting.

I'm concerned that you can't really see how much you're in the wrong over this and I don't think your partner is over reacting. Rather, I think you're minimising your behaviour.

If you want to make things work, look for another job and work really hard at your relationship, to ensure your partner can trust you again. Personally, with your attitude towards what's happened, I don't hold out much hope.

Your dh must be devestated. If he's willing to take you back (I don't think I'd have been, sorry), you have to prove he can trust you and that your family comes first. Whatever it takes. If he's not worth jumping through hoops for, to get the trust back, let him know asap, so he can find someone that won't take him for granted.

There are so many things wrong with this I barely know where to start.

You are so out of line. He obvs wants to make it work (god knows why) and you don't want to contribute to that at all. You're lucky he's even giving you the chance and, no, he's not over reacting.

I’m calling reverse!

I would set out all the figures and see if you’ll be in trouble with the mortgage etc whilst job hunting, might give clarity on whether it’s possible to just quit.

In the mean time the guilty party needs to stop downplaying and keep grovelling.

*devastated

@MyKingdomForBrie Now you mention it, I agree

I'm assuming you're not married by your use of OH rather than DH.

What about if it was the other way around would you be ok with that?

If this is real, you’re a dick.

Sexting is cheating. Stay separated as obviously you don't take it as seriously as your OH.
He doesn't want you to work with someone you were sexting with. Wow, what a surprise.

MyKingdom called it but I was just coming on to say the same.. 'reverse'.

Leave the poor guy. You suck op.

I 100% agree with your husband! You as good as cheated on him, if the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel? If you respect him you would not of done this in the first place, more fool him giving you a second chance, you should bite his hand off and hand in your notice.

You're an idiot.