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Relationships

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Original poster

I sexted another man but feel my OH is over reacting. Opinions?

134 replies

Mish2890 · 11/01/2018 14:18

Me and my OH have been together or 9 years and we have 2 kids together.

I've worked with this guy for around 7 years, we've become good friends and work in a close knit team of 6 which includes 2 of his sisters. We went on our Xmas do and after everyone went home it ended up just being me and him. We got a bit flirty but nothing happened and we went home separately. Over the following days we got a bit flirty over text until one day we were proper sexting but we shortly realised what we were doing and put a stop to it.

As far as we were concerned that was it, we stayed friends and carried on as normal, no one needed to know as nothing actually happened and we put a stop to it as quick as it started right?

Fast forward a few weeks and my OH looked through my phone and found messages. He confronted me and I admitted to everything and we broke up.

He wants us to get back together (as do I) but he says if we have any chance then I have to quit my job as he can't face me working with this guy. I understand where he's coming from but it just seems extreme, I need a job to pay the bills and it'll be hard to find another job if I just quit! I'm happy to look for another job but I refuse to leave the one i'm in as practically it doesn't make sense!

I know i'm in the wrong but we all make mistakes and I feel like losing my job is a bit extreme and will just make me resent him?

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 11/01/2018 15:55

Youre lucky hes giving you a second chance. Doesnt sound like you even think you did anything wrong though, so tbh, youll probably do it again if the opportunity arose . Hes a fool to trust you

ReggaetonLente · 11/01/2018 15:56

This has to be a reverse. If it is OP then do make sure you show all these responses to your piece of shit OH and he understands that his behaviour is totally not acceptable

Oblomov18 · 11/01/2018 16:01

OP?

Gone.

ClaryFray · 11/01/2018 16:04

It's up to you to decide what to do and what is more important.

Your right to keep your job if you want to, he's also right to walk away if he wants to and feels you being with this man everyday would be too much.

You cheated. Unfortunately you don't get to play innocent now.

juliettaa · 11/01/2018 16:08

Daft question alert ..................

What's a reverse?

Notreallyarsed · 11/01/2018 16:11

@juliettaa it’s where OP posts from the opposite of their actual standpoint to get a reaction. If this were a reverse (I think it may well be) then the actual OP would be the husband iyswim? So he can get the reactions and show them to his wife .

lolaflores · 11/01/2018 16:32

Ahhhh. Thats a reverse and not a dismount from the asymetrical bars with a cowboy flip.
HOw very rude.

TakeTheCrown · 11/01/2018 16:37

You've broken his trust in you. He doesn't know there was only a text conversation. It's the only thing he has proof of, but there could be more. Only you and the other guy know the truth of it. Minimization is a very common tactic for cheaters...

If he's willing to take you back after the emotional affair and reunite the family, you should be grateful and willing to take steps to make it happen. If your reaction is that you would be resentful at having to leave the job (possibly the man) you might want to think about what you really want. If you want the other guy, end your marriage with as much dignity as you can. If you want your husband, let the job go so that he can relax a bit and hopefully learn to trust you again.

TakeTheCrown · 11/01/2018 16:42

It amazes me how negative everyone is being.

Because we read variations on this story - about men - every week. Always one incident they got caught out on, it was never anything more (until more proof is found and his story gets adjusts accordingly). In fact this is such a rare thing to read about from the other side I can understand the suspicion. The OP is usually a male/female dynamic, not the other way around.

Lalalandfill · 11/01/2018 16:48

I wish there was a troll emoticon

HappyLollipop · 11/01/2018 16:56

Your OH isn't over reacting at all. How can your husband trust you while your still in daily contact with the person you cheated on him with? Obviously don't give up your job before lining up another one but you need to make a choice what's more important, your job or relationship.

Original poster

Mish2890 · 11/01/2018 17:25

Just to clarify this is real, not a reverse, I am a female who 'cheated' on her male partner!

I am not minimizing it, I did do wrong but how can I quit my job and not have any money to pay my bills, how's that gonna work? Especially if in the end we don't work out and i've then lost both!

I honestly have no interest in this guy at work anymore, it's purely platonic and I would never do anything like this again, though I can see why it would be hard for him to trust me. This guy is likely moving away in 2 months so I could quit my job for the sake of 2 months!

I am happy to find a new job, i'm being pro-active in doing it, my issue is I don't want to quit my job before finding a new one, purely for financial and future job reasons not because the other guy is there!

I am remorseful, can't really tell my emotions over a forum but trust me i've cried many tears and feel so awful I can't begin to describe, i'm an idiot and a big one at that so please don't make assumptions like that!

Thanks for the genuine opinions!

OP posts:

Arkangel · 11/01/2018 17:30

I really want your OH to leave you op. I don't think you are really remorseful from the language you're using. You sound entitled and insolent.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 11/01/2018 17:38

am not minimizing it, I did do wrong but how can I quit my job and not have any money to pay my bills, how's that gonna work? Especially if in the end we don't work out and i've then lost both!

I 100% agree. You made a mistake -a mistake that is imo very comparable to... idk. Graphic flirting?

Yes, it’s a breach of trust and it really isn’t ok. But it is imo forgivable (in some circumstances.)

You obviously need to make changes if you want to ‘fix’ this.

But sacrificing your job isn’t one I’d advice anyone to make. (Unless they already have an other one lined up..).

You have a financial responsibility to yourself and obviously your children!

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 11/01/2018 17:40

Btw, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt / believe that you are actually over this man and that it was just flirting.

But your OH may have (and honestly, who wouldn’t?) currently some doubts...

Lifeisabeach09 · 11/01/2018 17:46

OP, I feel you did make a mistake and you caught it before it went too far.
Yes, there are going to be trust issues and he is going to need transparency (as above PP said) and reassurance.
Look for an alternative job but keep the one you have until you find another. This really important as the relationship might fail in the near future and you do not want to be left penniless.
I, also, feel that your DH may hold this against you for a long while and may use it to manipulate you.
If you both feel there is hope for your relationship, maybe, try couples counselling. And also think about the reason why you were sexting another man. Is something missing in your relationship with DH?

Sugarplumps · 11/01/2018 17:52

Listen to Freddie! Bang on!

Snowdrop18 · 11/01/2018 17:54

well you can't quit your job and if he doesn't trust you around this guy, what's to stop you taking a shine to someone else?

but I notice you said this "we put a stop to it as quick as it started right"

well, the point is more that it happened in the first place isn't it. But don't be quitting your job, that's crazy talk.

TakeTheCrown · 11/01/2018 18:01

Who has primary care of the dc's right now, and if it's you, do you have ongoing financial support from your DH?

You're right in saying you can't live on fresh air, but I can also see why your DH has very little chance of moving past it while you're still seeing this guy five days a week. Have you tried looking for a new job yet?

TakeTheCrown · 11/01/2018 18:02

*Sorry, you are looking for a job. Missed that bit.

Bradybounce1 · 11/01/2018 18:30

Reverse or no reverse..you won't understand the pain you have put your partner through.

If you are truly sorry, compromise and make it up to your OH.

Anasnake · 11/01/2018 18:35

Boo fucking hoo
Should have thought about the consequences before doing it, shouldn't you ?

juliettaa · 11/01/2018 18:38

Notreallyarsed - thank you

OP, I see you've returned since I asked what a reverse was. In your original post you didn't come across very well; as if your OH was being unreasonable in his demands.

The fact that your colleague may moving away in 2 months does not necessarily mean he will actually go and even if he does move, he may stay in his current job.

Whilst I don't condone your actions at all, I can understand why you can't just give up your job but you're going to have to make a huge effort in looking for alternative employment and an even bigger effort in regaining your OH's trust.

Just try and put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you'd found those text messages?

c3pu · 11/01/2018 18:45

I'd stick with the job and get a new partner if I was you.

No point in jacking in a perfectly good job for a broken relationship.

LemonysSnicket · 11/01/2018 18:47

How do you accidentally sext ?

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