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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tammybear needs love/help/support/advice/something

122 replies

tammybear · 26/07/2004 16:11

Im so upset I cant cry, and I feel like Im dying inside. Dp's been in a funny mood all day and hasnt talked to me. I just presumed he was sulking, but then he told me he doesnt want anything to do with me, and he doesnt think he loves me, and would be quite happy to never see me again.

He tried to leave me last week, but I begged him not to so he stayed. But something in the back of my mind made me wonder if he was waiting til he left and went back home before he decided to break with me. Plus with this other girl he mentioned (said more about it in another thread) makes me wonder if theres something going on now.

I know there are other txts waiting for me that he has sent me, but I dont dare read them because I know they'll just break my heart even more. Now the water works are starting

OP posts:

Fio2 · 26/07/2004 16:16

tammybear I think if its over you are just going to have to accept it because you cant go on like this I do think what he told you about this girl is a very strange thing to tell your girlfriend and he does sound (from your posts) very immature. Do you think it is worth saving? You dont have kids together do you?

((hugs)) from me xxxxxxxx

Gingerbear · 26/07/2004 16:17

poor you, don't no what to say, but loads of hugs

Original poster

tammybear · 26/07/2004 16:21

i have been thinking about our relationship for a while now, and i have thought that maybe it would be better like this. but its the idea of acceptong it that i can get to grips with i guess. i do really love him, but i do think he's still young to be in this relationship and that its all too much for him. we dont have kids together, but i do very much love him. and i did think he loved me and dd

OP posts:

Fio2 · 26/07/2004 16:25

maybe it 'would' be better to seperate. If he does still love you and still you still love him after a break for a while, you can always give it another try. I know its hard for you sweetie

Thomcat · 26/07/2004 16:27

I'm so sorry hon. Have to say though, and agree with Fio, that ther havbe been a lot of unhappy posts from you as far as you DP is concerned. I am sorry and I know it hurts but this really might be for the best. If he wasn't amking you happy, what's the point? If this really is it then I think you you'll find you're better off babes. It seems there was a lot of game playing and immaturity in your relationship, on his side, not yours and you don't need that. You need someone to come into your life and take your relationship seriously which i don't think he was able to do for most of the time. I mean he sent you a text earlier today telling you about some girl at work, then another telling you he loves you and now this!

Original poster

tammybear · 26/07/2004 16:30

i know, and i have a feeling he will txt me later saying something like that i dont care about him because i havent txt him to tell him not to leave me. if im honest, im not actually that surprised that this has happened. i wish it hadnt, but maybe it is for the best.

OP posts:

anorak · 26/07/2004 16:45

You can't allow him to emotionally blackmail you like this. He thinks you should respond whenever he pulls your strings, but you are behaving in a more adult way and refusing to rise to it. Perhaps he does love you, but he's not making you happy is he? Love isn't enough. If someone is saying they don't like or love you, they either mean it or they are playing a very cruel game. You can do better.

You need someone who can match your maturity and who will be happy to embrace your daughter as well as you. There are some good men out there who would be thrilled to meet you and dd, but you won't find them while you are hanging on to this relationship.

Freckle · 26/07/2004 17:23

Not meaning to be offensive, but it could be that you are more in love with the idea of being in a partnership (especially when you have a dd to consider too) than you are with him as a person. He does sound very immature and I'm sure you could find a much more worthy partner out there at some point. Accepting that a relationship is at an end is always difficult - even when the relationship has been very destructive - because we are conditioned to be couples. Being by yourself is scary but infinitely do-able and you'll become a stronger person for being brave and ending the relationship now rather than waiting for it all to get so terribly awful that you tear each other apart.

Not easy, but BTDT and there is life beyond - and a jolly happy one at that.

sobernow · 26/07/2004 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tammybear · 26/07/2004 20:08

thanks to everyone. ive been thinking about it hard, and i think that either he does really want us to break up or he's doing this for attention (it isnt the first time). I also have a feeling he may very well come on here as he knows i talk about my problems here so may check up.

if he is doing this for attention, i think ill stick to my guns and think that me learning to be strong on my own is whats best. If anything happens between us sometime in the future (if he doesnt carry on acting like the way he is now) then fair enough, but Ive realised that me and dd are what's important.

But I warn you Ill probably be moaning on here still like I usually do about being lonely and depressed rather than moaning about dp

OP posts:

Caribbeanqueen · 26/07/2004 20:47

Be honest tammybear, do you really want to be with someone who keeps winding you up just for attention? Don't you have better things to think about than that? I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but you have yourself and dd to think about and spending time worrying over an immature dp won't do you much good.

I'm sorry you are going through this, and don;t worry about posting about being lonely and depressed, we will still be here for you. Hugs.

Original poster

tammybear · 26/07/2004 23:46

This is too hard

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sykes · 26/07/2004 23:52

Haven't posted for a while, just to say, I know it's aWFUL, and if you want to chat I'm up for a bit. So sorry - am sure you feel dreadful. Can you see a friend tomorrow?

Original poster

tammybear · 26/07/2004 23:54

im suppose to be going out with my mum and dd tomorrow, but i dont feel up to it, although ill probably still go to keep my mind off things. iv tried to keep myself thinking about other things but after dd went to bed, i just havent really been able to stop crying since

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sykes · 26/07/2004 23:59

I'm so sorry, and I really empathise - my h left me last year - different story now but it is so hard and so horrid. The only thing that kept me going was seeing friends - but I know it's so hard. I could hardly leave my house for the first two weeks. Has he gone/are you still talking or is it too horrid to talk about?

Original poster

tammybear · 27/07/2004 00:05

he tried to leave me last week saying he couldnt cope with me and dd and things. he said earlier that he's sick of my town, my family and me. and we've got a holiday end of august and he told me he was busy up til them so wouldnt be able to see me much but he admitted that he lied and he just said it so he didnt have to come to see me and would be quite happy to never see me again. which i already thought of. he txt me bout an hour ago saying that i must really hate him now. so i just told him that if he meant it when he said that he would be happy to never see me again then to just leave it at that because i just cant cope if he is still in contact.

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Original poster

tammybear · 27/07/2004 00:06

"and we've got a holiday end of august and he told me he was busy up til them so wouldnt be able to see me much" that was last week btw

OP posts:

sykes · 27/07/2004 00:10

Sorry, Tammy, bit confused - you live together, I presume - is work his excuse - has he moved away from somewhere to be with you?

Original poster

tammybear · 27/07/2004 00:12

no we dont live together, but he often spends time at mine (sorry for the confusion)

OP posts:

essbee · 27/07/2004 00:14

Message withdrawn

sykes · 27/07/2004 00:17

Don't please apologise - I'm just a bit thick. So was the holiday planned for a long time - my h did the same thing. I ended up going on my own with my girls - they were 2 and 3. I was very lucky as I took a friend - missed my h horribly but am glad I went. Where is it - the holiday? Can you take someone else?

essbee · 27/07/2004 00:20

Message withdrawn

Original poster

tammybear · 27/07/2004 00:20

we booked the holiday back in easter. its for a week. luckily he paid for it so there are no arguements over it, but i was really looking forward to it as ive never been to crete before plus it was a break from dd and chores and stuff

OP posts:

essbee · 27/07/2004 00:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster

tammybear · 27/07/2004 00:23

it was just the two of us, was suppose to be for our anniversary. he has the ticket as it was all put in his name

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