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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this just what I deserve?

182 replies

lessthanwise · 06/01/2018 12:31

Please bear with me, I'm trying to cut a long story short: I had an affair with a younger man from work (11 years younger). At the time we were both married; his wife found out about it and we decided to end the affair. However, they still ended up separating (about 18 months ago) and somehow he and I ended up sleeping together again on and off even though I was still married. This is all done now so I don't need to be told how wrong it is. Anyway, whilst I was still with my husband I found out that I was pregnant with the other mans child. Obviously I had no choice but to confess what had happened to my husband and he and I separated. Since then the younger man and myself have tried to take things slowly but make things work (in so far as one can take things slowly on a 9 month deadline). I moved in shortly before Xmas and thought things were going well. Of course the situation is less than ideal but I thought we had made the best of it. Here's the problem. Due to being so heavily pregnant (I'm due this month) I'm usually in bed significantly earlier than he is (around 9 or 10pm). One night last week I woke up at 1am to use the loo and he still wasn't in bed so I went downstairs to see where he was (I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep on the sofa) and he was just sat on his phone. After he'd come to bed and fallen asleep I decided to snoop to see what he'd been doing that was so absorbing until 1am and he had been texting someone else. Another woman. There were so many messages going back to before we'd even gotten together so I couldn't read them all. They seem to talk all the time but he's never mentioned her to me and they seem to only talk when I'm not around. Some of the messages I scrolled through were just friendly chat, some were quite personal messages about me and about our situation and some were quite sexual. Well, very sexual. From what I've read they haven't slept together; this woman is often talking about how I've trapped him and he's ruined his life and how she wishes they could "fuck", that sort of thing. He replies saying he can't change the situation now as much as he wishes he could, he's "stuck" with me but that he does want to make it work for the sake of the baby, she'll just have to imagine he's there. Then it usually ends up with the very sexual talk about what they would do if things were different. I was reading the messages and they had sexual conversations (to varying degrees) most nights last week (which is when this happened). I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to one of my close friends and her attitude seemed to be along the lines of "well, what do you expect?". She talked about how we barely knew each other when I got pregnant and that this is what I should have expected from a relationship that started out with two people cheating and other really hurtful things that I totally didn't expect from a good friend. I know that affairs are bad, but do I deserve this? I thought we had just fallen in love at the wrong time. I know people got hurt along the way... I haven't discussed it with him yet because I just don't know what to say, where to begin or what the outcome would/should be. I'm about to give birth and I don't want to do it alone, I don't want to leave him but I can't just leave it and let him stay up late sexting this other woman! I feel like I don't have the energy to confront the situation right now. I just want it to all go away. I've been tearful and emotional a few times this week but I keep telling him it's just pregnancy hormones and nerves and I'm not feeling well etc. A part of me does feel like I deserve this... What can I do?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 20:57

You say he wasn’t really thrilled about the baby. So part of him is doing this out of duty.

But you do want this baby.

I think you really need to evaluate what kind of father he will be.

You do seem to keep making allowances for his sexting. Saying that you’ve short changed him? That’s just not how relationships work. You’re meant to be a team.

It’s not a working relationship where he’s entitled to certain benefits and if he doesn’t get them you’ve broken the contract.

Did you have many partners before exDH?

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 06/01/2018 21:12

But the guillotine knitters on here want to see the woman humiliated, not the man. I think you're wrong about that Morris - people are warning the OP against letting him humiliate her as she seems worryingly ready to accept that he should be given complete sexual license while she's having their baby.

Twoweekcruise · 06/01/2018 21:18

The best thing to do here is to acknowledge that this is a shit relationship which is going nowhere. Count yourself lucky that out of this you have your lovely baby to cherish and you can make it a wonderful life as a lone parent. Do you really want your little one growing up within such an uncertain environment, always worrying were your partner is and with whom he is in contact with and worrying he's looking elsewhere when you've lost your sex drive (new baby and no sleep not a great recipe for a high sex drive)?? Yes you've had some fun, exciting sex but that won't keep you warm in old age. Time to except, grow up and move on, tough as it will be.

Stupidwife · 06/01/2018 21:25

Sorry to say but your relationship started with lies so of course you can't trust him.

Good luck with your baby though

BackInTheRoom · 06/01/2018 21:26

OMG this whole thing is a shit sandwich (apart from the beautiful innocent baby)!

OP, you maybe very successful in your career but you are terrible at this relationship malarkey! Seriously you have no boundaries! He's cheating on you! Texting other women IS cheating! He is being INTIMATE with another woman! No it's NOT alright to text women just because you're horny! Sex won't last when you have a baby to look after! What you going to do when you've been up all night feeding baby with sore nips and old blue eyes strolls in with his pecks out giving you the sexy eye?!! Are you a) going to reciprocate because Tbf you've been thinking about it ALL DAY or are you b) going to feel like crying because you're so sleep deprived and exhausted its the last thing on your mind?! And because sex won't be on your mind, will you then worry he might go looking somewhere else?

I'm going to be honest with you, I feel karma dealt its hand with you both but my advice is to ditch him and set up house on your own with your baby. I wish you well.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/01/2018 21:34

This is her first and only affair

Your point is? Her marriage only ended because she had to confess as she was pregnant after shagging someone else behind his back.

Add to that the fact they had been trying for 10 years to have a child. How exactly do you think that makes him feel.

The number of affairs is irrelevant!

Wherearemymarbles · 06/01/2018 22:05

Im afraid you wont get back to ‘being us again’ until your child leaves home. And as ‘us’ was based on sex.... having a child at 40 may kill your sex drive for the next 5 years and then you have the joys of menopause to look forward to

I know you are 40 and a partner etc but really? Youve said he’s not someone you’d normally have a baby with or live with , he is not realiable. He doesnt want a child.

You are probably an intelligent woman. Start thinking like one

You are clinging on to this like grim desth.

lessthanwise · 06/01/2018 22:15

I don't think it's relevant to discuss my husband and my new "boyfriends" wife in this context. Believe me, we are both very, very aware of what we did and how awful we must seem to anyone looking in. Of course they're both absolutely, and rightly, devastated by what has happened and they're both, in their own ways, making us suffer for what we did. We both fully accept that. We put up with it because we both know we behaved like total shits to the people we were supposed to love, the people to whom we made vows. That's a whole other story but for those asking, there's your answer. I know what we did was horrific. Especially to my husband after what he and I had been through together but that's done and I can't change it now.

The thing about my current partner is that he's actually been a good guy. I'm the "baddy" in this scenario and I know that I'll never, ever cheat again.

He's not this serial cheat that you're describing. Or at least he doesn't behave how I think I'd expect the guy you're describing to behave.

He didn't used to tell me horror stories about his wife. He was always respectful, in so far as that's possible whilst you're sleeping with someone else. He only said he should never have married her in the first place, that he didn't really want to but felt pressured into it. Unlike me who was supposedly happily married to the love of her life.

He hasn't been nagging me for sex or mentioned wanting to spice things up. I'm just aware (from early pregnancy and before) that he's a very horny man who likes certain things that I can't really provide at the moment. Of course when things do get intimate we discuss what we might like to do "when we can", but he's not actively been putting any pressure on me.

I feel a little bad because when he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me he was talking to the strong, confident, independent and, most importantly, non-pregnant version of me that wanted to join in his fantasies and he didn't actually get much chance to enjoy any of that. Does that sound bad to people? It's not that he's pressuring me, more that I'm pressuring myself. If the roles were reversed I'd be less than pleased too, I think.

What I'm saying is, other than this other woman that he's been sexting and sharing intimate details with, he's actually been very good. He's been understanding and he wanted to be with me before I found out I was pregnant whereas I was the one that was unsure.

Don't misunderstand what I mean by that. I wouldn't have carried on forever sleeping with another man and going home to my husband but I wasn't sure I was ready to make the decision to leave my husband yet. Or to stay and try to make it work.

In my mind I think that he doesn't realise how bad it is to be sexting another woman while I'm asleep in bed. Or sharing intimate details about our lives with her. Or sending her pictures of me, presumably just to critique.

I have decided that tomorrow I'm going to confront him. I'm going to tell him that it's totally unacceptable and that it absolutely must stop or I will leave him. I do feel very disrespected but I think I'd like to try to make it work still. I think it's forgivable providing it doesn't happen again. I'm not exactly "okay" with it but I don't think it's as bad as actually, physically cheating. If he ever did that then that would be the end.

OP posts:
JustHereForThePooStories · 06/01/2018 22:16

And for god’s sake, don’t give the baby his surname.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 22:24

I think you also need to ask him if he honestly really does want to this future with you and the child.

I think you have to and let him no it’s ok to say if he doesn’t, you just want to know for sure because, for the baby, it’s better you split now and raise it amicably then to go on an split in however many years.

Obviously, there’s no guarantee but you just need to know the intent is there a that he actually doesn’t feel trapped or obligated to be with you.

lessthanwise · 06/01/2018 22:26

MiddleClassProblem thank you, you're right. I will do.

OP posts:
Darcychu · 06/01/2018 22:30

yupp Karma, either stay with the cheater or dump the cheater. Your call.

Poor child really.

Fintress · 06/01/2018 22:36

He only said he should never have married her in the first place, that he didn't really want to but felt pressured into it.

Maybe he feels the same way now, pressurised into a situation he wasn’t prepared for… becoming a father. As a previous poster said you need to get him to lay his cards on the table. The sooner the better. You haven’t been together long and having a baby together so soon will put enormous pressure on what seems to already be a shaky relationship.

BackInTheRoom · 06/01/2018 22:40

He hasn't been nagging me for sex or mentioned wanting to spice things up......but he's not actively been putting any pressure on me.

Maybe because he's been sexting the OW instead?!

Graphista · 06/01/2018 22:41

"I don't think it's relevant to discuss my husband and my new "boyfriends" wife in this context." Why on EARTH not?! It speaks to how you BOTH behave and value relationships.

"how awful we must seem to anyone looking in" that smacks of
you both not having taken any real responsibility for the damage you've caused. It won't have JUST affected your ex spouses but their family and friends too, and it's not something they will easily recover from - in your exh case I'm not sure he'll ever completely recover given the pregnancy.

"He's not this serial cheat that you're describing. Or at least he doesn't behave how I think I'd expect the guy you're describing to behave." Oh ffs! You're 40 and about to have a child - grow up!

BackInTheRoom · 06/01/2018 22:47

He's not this serial cheat that you're describing. Or at least he doesn't behave how I think I'd expect the guy you're describing to behave.

You're not categoric about this are you? YOU either think he is or he isn't, I mean this cannot be subjective can it? In any case we haven't described him OP, you have. We've merely given you our opinions.

RainyApril · 06/01/2018 23:02

Your ultimatum won't work. He'll get better at hiding his indiscretions and you'll spend the next few years checking his phone for messages and wondering where he really is when he's 'working late'.

You keep saying he's a good man but good men don't tell other women they want to fuck them while their pregnant partner lies awake upstairs.

You're just kidding yourself that it can all work out ok because of everything you've lost to be with him, and because the humiliation of him sexting another woman is more bearable than the humiliation of you shafting your dh for this loser.

BackInTheRoom · 06/01/2018 23:20

@lessthanwise

After reading extensively about Infidelity, the research says that it's usually undertaken by children acting out what their parents did as in they committed adultery too. Did this happen to you?

Blushlove · 06/01/2018 23:54

Maybe you won't cheat again because you genuinely fell in love but maybe he cheated because of the thrill and that's where the difference is because he'll look for that again.

I wouldn't be surprised that your friend thinks what she does, just because you're good friends doesn't mean she wouldn't be disgusted at how you acted and she's right, what do you expect.

I'm sorry but if I couldn't have children with my DP and then he got another woman pregnant I would be 100% saying you deserved everything you got now, the only person who doesn't deserve this shitty situation is your unborn baby.

My advice would be to ask him what he wants and tell him he's free to go if he's not happy and then you can work at making a good life for you and your child, either with or without him. If he stays, I wouldn't expect him to be the doting faithful family man, babies are hard enough without adding this shit on top.

AusFrosty · 07/01/2018 00:37

Is this just what I deserve?

Yep - pretty much.

Confront your new partner - if he is not 100% committed then let him go - better that you part now on reasonably good terms, rather than let it drag on and turn into another shitstorm.

I assume you will be generous in the divorce settlement - you really did a number on your husband...

Weezol · 07/01/2018 01:00

I'm in agreement with MiddleClass

Please stop trying to make the best of a bad situation. He is not 'a good guy'. He's having a wank while sexting another woman and slagging you off to her.

I get why you're hanging on to try and make it work. It won't work because his actions clearly show he has checked out of the relationship and has zero respect for you.

AndInShortIWasAfraid · 07/01/2018 01:01

I feel really sorry for your baby daddy's ex-wife and your ex-husband. Having experienced the pain of infertility I probably would have thrown myself in the Thames if my DH did to me what you did to your ex.

I hope and pray that your unborn has a wonderful life with two parents supporting them but you two have already created some serious problems. The sexting/cheating would be the end of it for me. And good on your friend for telling you the truth.

Lashalicious · 07/01/2018 01:02

What I'm saying is, other than this other woman that he's been sexting and sharing intimate details with, he's actually been very good !!!

I’ve heard it all now.

You have several other similar absurd statements such as he is respectful of his wife, you know, except for having sex with somebody else.....

The more I read of your posts, op, the more it seems you have no sense whatsoever. You say you know how horrific your behavior was, that you were the “baddy” (eye roll) but it’s pretty clear you do not have one drop of self-awareness or empathy.

Why in the world should you be concerned at all about any of this?? He is only doing what he does. He is only doing to you...what he did to his wife. He is only doing to this new idiot....what he did with you. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

MsHopey · 07/01/2018 06:31

If his exW was having threesomes, I assume she was doing every thing she could to satisfy his sexual needs, and yet this still wasn't enough for him, a little whiff of attention off you and he had his dick out.
How on earth do you think you can trust him? Heavily pregnant and about to have a new born. There's no way you are going to be able to satisfy him. Not that you should think it's okay to go running to other women if you feel the tiniest bit unsatisfied with your sex life.
He clearly doesn't respect you if he keeps talking to a woman and continues to share intimate thoughts and wanks with a woman who is slagging you off. That's not how relationships work.
Your post:
only said he should never have married her in the first place, that he didn't really want to but felt pressured into it.
Pretty sure any unexpected pregnancy is a lot of pressure to settle down with someone you otherwise would have just carried on shagging with no commitments.
And to me, sexting is cheating. It might not be as bad as an actual fuck with another woman, but it is still cheating and comes with the same betrayal and lack of trust.
And, also poor exH, my heart goes out to him. People are saying you now know the pain he went through, I don't think the sexting has even touched the surface of what he's been put through. Not even close.