I don't think it's relevant to discuss my husband and my new "boyfriends" wife in this context. Believe me, we are both very, very aware of what we did and how awful we must seem to anyone looking in. Of course they're both absolutely, and rightly, devastated by what has happened and they're both, in their own ways, making us suffer for what we did. We both fully accept that. We put up with it because we both know we behaved like total shits to the people we were supposed to love, the people to whom we made vows. That's a whole other story but for those asking, there's your answer. I know what we did was horrific. Especially to my husband after what he and I had been through together but that's done and I can't change it now.
The thing about my current partner is that he's actually been a good guy. I'm the "baddy" in this scenario and I know that I'll never, ever cheat again.
He's not this serial cheat that you're describing. Or at least he doesn't behave how I think I'd expect the guy you're describing to behave.
He didn't used to tell me horror stories about his wife. He was always respectful, in so far as that's possible whilst you're sleeping with someone else. He only said he should never have married her in the first place, that he didn't really want to but felt pressured into it. Unlike me who was supposedly happily married to the love of her life.
He hasn't been nagging me for sex or mentioned wanting to spice things up. I'm just aware (from early pregnancy and before) that he's a very horny man who likes certain things that I can't really provide at the moment. Of course when things do get intimate we discuss what we might like to do "when we can", but he's not actively been putting any pressure on me.
I feel a little bad because when he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me he was talking to the strong, confident, independent and, most importantly, non-pregnant version of me that wanted to join in his fantasies and he didn't actually get much chance to enjoy any of that. Does that sound bad to people? It's not that he's pressuring me, more that I'm pressuring myself. If the roles were reversed I'd be less than pleased too, I think.
What I'm saying is, other than this other woman that he's been sexting and sharing intimate details with, he's actually been very good. He's been understanding and he wanted to be with me before I found out I was pregnant whereas I was the one that was unsure.
Don't misunderstand what I mean by that. I wouldn't have carried on forever sleeping with another man and going home to my husband but I wasn't sure I was ready to make the decision to leave my husband yet. Or to stay and try to make it work.
In my mind I think that he doesn't realise how bad it is to be sexting another woman while I'm asleep in bed. Or sharing intimate details about our lives with her. Or sending her pictures of me, presumably just to critique.
I have decided that tomorrow I'm going to confront him. I'm going to tell him that it's totally unacceptable and that it absolutely must stop or I will leave him. I do feel very disrespected but I think I'd like to try to make it work still. I think it's forgivable providing it doesn't happen again. I'm not exactly "okay" with it but I don't think it's as bad as actually, physically cheating. If he ever did that then that would be the end.