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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this just what I deserve?

182 replies

lessthanwise · 06/01/2018 12:31

Please bear with me, I'm trying to cut a long story short: I had an affair with a younger man from work (11 years younger). At the time we were both married; his wife found out about it and we decided to end the affair. However, they still ended up separating (about 18 months ago) and somehow he and I ended up sleeping together again on and off even though I was still married. This is all done now so I don't need to be told how wrong it is. Anyway, whilst I was still with my husband I found out that I was pregnant with the other mans child. Obviously I had no choice but to confess what had happened to my husband and he and I separated. Since then the younger man and myself have tried to take things slowly but make things work (in so far as one can take things slowly on a 9 month deadline). I moved in shortly before Xmas and thought things were going well. Of course the situation is less than ideal but I thought we had made the best of it. Here's the problem. Due to being so heavily pregnant (I'm due this month) I'm usually in bed significantly earlier than he is (around 9 or 10pm). One night last week I woke up at 1am to use the loo and he still wasn't in bed so I went downstairs to see where he was (I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep on the sofa) and he was just sat on his phone. After he'd come to bed and fallen asleep I decided to snoop to see what he'd been doing that was so absorbing until 1am and he had been texting someone else. Another woman. There were so many messages going back to before we'd even gotten together so I couldn't read them all. They seem to talk all the time but he's never mentioned her to me and they seem to only talk when I'm not around. Some of the messages I scrolled through were just friendly chat, some were quite personal messages about me and about our situation and some were quite sexual. Well, very sexual. From what I've read they haven't slept together; this woman is often talking about how I've trapped him and he's ruined his life and how she wishes they could "fuck", that sort of thing. He replies saying he can't change the situation now as much as he wishes he could, he's "stuck" with me but that he does want to make it work for the sake of the baby, she'll just have to imagine he's there. Then it usually ends up with the very sexual talk about what they would do if things were different. I was reading the messages and they had sexual conversations (to varying degrees) most nights last week (which is when this happened). I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to one of my close friends and her attitude seemed to be along the lines of "well, what do you expect?". She talked about how we barely knew each other when I got pregnant and that this is what I should have expected from a relationship that started out with two people cheating and other really hurtful things that I totally didn't expect from a good friend. I know that affairs are bad, but do I deserve this? I thought we had just fallen in love at the wrong time. I know people got hurt along the way... I haven't discussed it with him yet because I just don't know what to say, where to begin or what the outcome would/should be. I'm about to give birth and I don't want to do it alone, I don't want to leave him but I can't just leave it and let him stay up late sexting this other woman! I feel like I don't have the energy to confront the situation right now. I just want it to all go away. I've been tearful and emotional a few times this week but I keep telling him it's just pregnancy hormones and nerves and I'm not feeling well etc. A part of me does feel like I deserve this... What can I do?

OP posts:
Fintress · 06/01/2018 15:47

You need to face reality. He is 11 years younger and he has a history of cheating (he’s done it once with you and most likely will do it again with someone else). Be honest with yourself, would you have left your husband and be living with him if you weren’t pregnant?

I have a small degree of sympathy for you because you are pregnant and not in the most stable of relationships. That’s about as much as I have as at one time I was the wife that was left for another woman.

chocatoo · 06/01/2018 15:48

I'm afraid that I couldn't get through your post. Some paragraphs would help.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 15:49

If he’s 11 years younger, is it safe to assume he’s in his 20s?

FizzyGreenWater · 06/01/2018 15:50

Just get out.

You know this is a dead duck. Don't let your fear of what other people will think ruin your life! You only get one shot at it.

This guy is a serial cheat, at best you can feel sorry for him because he's the sort who'll always think the grass is greener and will never be happy. At worst, he's a nasty player. But yes 'only texting' isn't 'only texting' when you're sharing sexual thoughts with another woman and basically, cheating. If he hasn't slept with her yet he will. Or he will sleep with someone else.

You made a mistake. Unmake it now. Do it BEFORE you have your baby so you can get things at least a little sorted. He won't be there for you, not at all.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 06/01/2018 15:52

You'll look even more foolish when the gossip is that he's cheating on you.

Deadlylampshade · 06/01/2018 16:01

I'm hoping he's just horny and that it doesn't really mean anything? We've not been having sex as much as we usually would and the sex we have been having hasn't been as fun or as adventurous...

Thats sad. Imagine living a life where you have to keep it exciting with your partner or they’ll find it somewhere else. What if you have a complicated birth or just simply don’t fancy it once the child is here, or get poorly later in life or life gets in the way for a while. Men aren’t owed sex and it doesn’t kill them to have a wank rather than look elsewhere.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 16:04

I think you don’t seem to have the same relationship boundaries as most of us if you don’t mind him being horny and sexting women.

JustHereForThePooStories · 06/01/2018 16:09

Do you have other children or is the new baby the only child who’ll be caught up in this mess?

AnyFucker · 06/01/2018 16:12

I consider sexting in of itself to be cheating

Don't you, op ? Or have you indulged in it so much during your own relationships you have rationalised it ?

It's not normal to sext OW when you are meant to be in a monogamous relationship. There, fixed that for you.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/01/2018 16:21

I think you don’t seem to have the same relationship boundaries as most of us if you don’t mind him being horny and sexting women.

Well obviously not considering she cheated on her DH and only left him because she got pregnant.

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 16:25

I just mean that she doesn’t seem bothered by the sexting if he’s just itching a scratch. To me it would be devastating. Maybe she’s the kind of person who might be able to handle an open relationship...

AnyFucker · 06/01/2018 16:27

Sounds like op is already in an open relationship. A unilateral one.

wednesdayswench · 06/01/2018 16:28

Yes, sometimes there is less sex in a relationship, sometimes that's frustrating. No, this is not a valid reason to sext another woman.

Worse than the sexting is the intimate details of your relationship being discussed, it is a complete betrayal. I would view this intimate 'text' relationship on a par with a full blown physical affair.

I think the affair you had (and the resulting relationships ending, judgement you have received etc.) has skewed your sense of a normal relationship. This is definitely not ok, and if it's happening in this early 'honeymoon' phase if your relationship it will only get much worse.

Get out now before you become even more intrenched in this relationship. Plenty of amazing single mum success stories on MN to inspire you. You can do this, you are better off alone than with a serial cheater.

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 06/01/2018 16:28

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but you seem to have made a series of very bad choices. Having an affair with a married man. Getting pregnant by him. Moving in with him when you hardly know him. He sounds delightful. Get rid of him and build a new life with your baby. Try to learn some lessons , you know how it feels to be on the receiving end now, don't you?

Lefty1 · 06/01/2018 16:34

@anyfucker totally agree. It's that simple really

Lashalicious · 06/01/2018 16:41

Make a fresh start, op, with your baby. The relationship you had with this man was never from a good place to begin with and you see suddenly with these texts the cold reality: the man of no integrity who thinks nothing of stringing several women along, whether he’s married or in a “trapped” situation. He has no loyalty to any of you. You’ve now felt firsthand what his wife experienced when she found out about you.
You will never be happy with him. Leave.

Find the integrity inside yourself you have lost and move forward with your baby. That child is the wonderful thing you have out of all of this. You can find a man of integrity to be your partner in life but not until you find that integrity inside yourself.

Lashalicious · 06/01/2018 16:45

Meant to add, you’ve not felt firsthand what his wife and your husband experienced when they found out about you.

Lashalicious · 06/01/2018 16:45

now

YellowMakesMeSmile · 06/01/2018 17:18

Karma and your friend was right with her comments. It all about you and your reputation at work, no remorse for the two adults you both cheated on.

Sadly, now there's an innocent child about to be caught up in all this.

Wherearemymarbles · 06/01/2018 17:40

What was his reaction on finding out you were pregnant??

Be honest with yourself. Its your body so he had no say what happened next.

I suspect the affair was great fun for both of you. Its now more mundane and will get worse with and after the a baby.

The issue I suspect is neither of you have really been able to decide if you have a future together, you were married when he was single and left the marriage because of the pregnancy. Did your husband end it? Did you want him to end it?

At the very least you need to sit down and talk to him about it and ask why.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/01/2018 18:01

Did your husband end it?

Well as OP 'confessed' she was pregnant by someone else, pretty sure the answer is yes.

lessthanwise · 06/01/2018 18:05

I'm a bit all over the place with it to be honest. The actual sexting itself I'm up and down with. I feel bad about it but I don't think I feel as bad as I would if he was actually shagging her. I'd like him to stop and I need to speak to him about it, realistically. I'm sort of thinking of it along the lines or porn. He chats to her when he's horny, has a wank and goes to bed.

I'm more upset about the personal stuff he's discussed with her. He's sent her a picture of me. Also she is the one that says he's been trapped by me, she's asked if he's even sure that it's his baby! He did defend me when she said that.

She does seem to be the one who is doing all the trying. She texts him first and he doesn't always reply. She's sent him pictures of herself undressed, he hasn't sent her any of himself like that. I think I'd like to read the whole thread but I'm not sure how I could or if it would be a really bad idea. I've only got snippets, really. I read for a few hours over night.

I've also only told you the "bad" stuff that he's done whilst leaving out the "bad" stuff that I've done (as well as the stuff he's said that wasn't "bad"). For example I think I was probably the one at fault for starting the affair in the first place. I flirted with him because I never dreamed that a gorgeous, younger, married man would be interested and I didn't think I'd let anything happen. I didn't think I was that silly. I thought it was all harmless until it wasn't by which time it was too late. He also told me he loved me and wanted to be with me before I found out I was pregnant but I wasn't sure... I know all this makes me look like the worst kind of human which is why I didn't say it before now.

My husband and I were comfortable rather than happy. We'd been through quite a few ups and downs with trying for a baby of our own and being unable to have one (for some years - which is why I couldn't just abort this one) and I was afraid to leave him or to make the "wrong decision" and regret it later on or to basically end up in the situation that I'm in now (I am very aware of how awful and selfish this makes me sound but I'm saying it in the interest of honesty).

He does text this other woman telling her that he loves me as well as the bad stuff he's said and he's told her that nothing will happen between them in real life which she accepts but sometimes seems bitter about. As I have said this appears to have been going on for months so I feel if he was going to meet her he would have done so by how. I think the stuff about him wishing he could fuck her is heat of the moment, horny talk. Surely if he really wanted to meet her he would have done? I'd be unlikely to know.

He obviously thinks this is acceptable behaviour rather than cheating because if he thought it was as bad as cheating surely he would just have met her and "properly" cheated?

I think we are both very open minded. He had threesomes with his ex and he does have a very high sex drive. He'd like to try "new" things with me when I'm not pregnant... Sex is a very important part of his (and our) lives. I mean, perhaps he really hasn't considered that this is actually not great behaviour? The timing is just awful...

I was 41 this month, he's 30 next month. This is both of ours first child.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 06/01/2018 18:11

I think it's called getting a taste of your own medicine. Not nice is it.

DPotter · 06/01/2018 18:22

Sex is a very important part of his (our) lives

Let’s be honest here it’s highly unlikely he and you will be having sex after the baby is born for at least 6/weeks. At the very minimum you will be knackered and probably not in the right frame of mind for adventurous sex. A quick shag whilst the baby naps is more likely. And very unlikely to be every day.

Even in stable relationships of long standing a new baby is a real challenge and if sex is the foundation of your relationship I would be worried the relationship is strong enough to take that hit.
When you talk to him, you might be wise to raise this as well.

You asked whether sexting is enough to pull out if the relationship and to my mind it is. It’s a slippery slope and it’s dis-respectful to you. You know this man is someone who can have his head turned by female attention. She’s offering him plenty of that and you are not in a position to offer more at the moment. It’s a matter of time before he gives way to her advances. Get out and save yourself more heart ache

MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2018 18:29

The actual sexting itself I'm up and down with. I feel bad about it but I don't think I feel as bad as I would if he was actually shagging her.

In a way that punching someone isn’t as bad as shanking them...Hmm

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