How to interpret this email I received today

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

I have been a regular on here when I fell pregnant about 4 years ago after my daughters father walked out on me when I was pregnant. My daughters father asked me to have an abortion and at 38 that wasn’t a option. So I went it alone and now have a wonderful little girl. Her father left the country (always his plan before he met me) shortly after finding out of my pregnancy and we have never spoken since.

In September I had to contact her father for the first time since he left to ask for a full family health history due to something which came up recently. He replied with the info. So I thought I would ask if he wished to have any information about his daughter.

The day before Christmas he replied and said he would like to know her name, date of birth and see what she looks like. That he thinks of her often, so finding this out would mean a lot to him.

I sent the information, along with photos and a few bits about her personality.

He then replied back early this morning with the following message which I’m finding hard to interpret:

Thank you for email, Xis a really beautiful name and one that looks to befit all her attributes perfectly. Thank you so much for allowing me this insight into her life.

I don't have anymore questions at this moment, seeing her face and learning about X’s character has been very special and also quite overwhelming, she's very beautiful.

With your blessings I would like if one day she could learn that her Dad exists and that he does think of her. If X already has someone to call Dad thats great too.

I would like my daughter to slowly develop some form of relationship with her father as I feel it’s important for her identity. I don’t know where he is based, but with modern technology it’s possible to keep in touch.

I can’t tell from his message if this is something he would like or is leaving it here for the time being and maybe will contact me when she is older? It’s not that clear. Like I said I would like my daughter to slowly build a relationship with her father if he was comfortable with it.

Thanks!

Cherry x

Getting past an emotional affair

Need help to stop the raging. It bursts out every now and then along with the need to know the details. The details feel like they are being drip fed to me.

I don't believe they actually slept together. They are long time friends (she was mine also) and work together. It became more over a short time with a number of occasions of kissing and holding each other. Always at her house, alone.

She is single and her love life a tinder joke (mid 40s). He and I have been together 16 years, 2 kids. Sex had died off and we were resentful and disinterested in one another. Since this has come out our sex life has been on fire which is fantastic.

I believe it came out just in time as the friendship/work relationship they had had only just changed towards becoming something else.

He's very regretful and we are working on a shared future. We have seen one counselor and plan to see another regularly and develop shared interests and - vitally - weekends away from the domestic humdrum. But I need to know if I am being pathetic and how to get past the anger. I haven't seen her, but she's been in contact basically showing me she feels she has done nothing wrong because they didn't have sex.

Esther Perel books on order! Thoughts to mull over appreciated.

Sorry OP I was trying to start a new thread! Please delete or disregard

Hi another,

It was great at the start but then his plans to leave the country which had had way before he met me was the issue. We kept going backwards and forwards, me not wanting to get hurt. So it was a bit of a mess, but mainly because of his plans. Also he had an anxiety disorder, so I think this is a big reason he ran. He worried about everything. I’m hoping be starting a fresh he may of changed a bit, but I think with anxiety is may always be there.

In answer to your question, I would love us to be together. But it won’t happen. He left me and my unborn DD, too much damage has been done. I doubt anything he could say or do would change my feelings. And he would probably never forgive me for going ahead with the pregnancy against his wishes.

I’m better off with someone caring, supportive and who I can rely on.

I’m better off with someone caring, supportive and who I can rely on.

So is your daughter.

Please don't take that as a swipe at you. Just remember what the core of him is.

I wish you well.

Another, sorry I’m slightly confused by what you are suggesting? That’s I should get back together with her father because he is her father?

I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.

I was raised by my Mam and Step father and whilst I think of him as my dad as he did all the Dad things I always wondered about my biological father. I always felt my mam should have felt that she had an obligation to keep in touch with him or at least know his wheatabouts (I may feel this way as she did the complete operator and lied a lot though) but even with that your daughter may be curious one day and even a photo name and some of his own family medical history and picture of parents may help her. This is part of her identity and whilst he may have no baring on her personality she will still feel something missing x I can see you are trying and just wanted to give you this from a child / adult who has experienced this .

Sorry Cherry my post was not clear. I was just reflecting on your comment:

"I’m better off with someone caring, supportive and who I can rely on."

I as trying to say and your DD would also be better off with someone who was caring, supportive and who she could rely on and if you are suggesting he is the opposite - unkind, unsupportive and unreliable - then remember who he is and tread carefully - which obviously you are.

Thanks Fos, this is exactly why I feel it’s important I’m doing this. I’m really glad you shared your experience. Thank you. I need to try and build up some sort of contact for her, so that one day ‘if’ she decides she wants her bio dad in her life I’ve laid the ground work for her.

Thanks Another 😊 of course, all life choices I make are always made with her in mind x