“All French men have a mistress”

[GertieMotherwell]

I’m currently receiving counselling following my DHs affair.

My counsellor said these words.

I think you need a new counsellor.

Absolute fucking bollocks.
And what Panda said.

You need to be seeing someone who is NOT an arse, you already have enough on your plate with an arse of a DH without taking on extra fuckwittery.

Xenophobic stereotyping. What qualifications does your 'counsellor' have?

Your DH sounds a bit of a twat - but being 'French' doesn't excuse him.
Your counsellor also sounds a twat.

Find a properly qualified and supervised counsellor. Your sound like a twat.

Yours

Even if this were true (it's not) ... it doesn't make it right.

I'd ask him where his research was to support that. How did that come out in the conversation?

That said, I live in Portugal and I have been told on more than one occasion that many Portuguese married men have mistresses, particularly the older generation and ones that live in land/ countryside. And usually the wives know. I don't know if its true or part of local folklore but I have heard the same things about French, Italian etc. Even if it has some element of truth such a sweeping generalisation of one nation is totally inappropriate and you need a new counsellor!

She is highly qualified.

She said it was fact, she didn’t say it was right or hat I should accept it.

There are many online articles to support her theory

It's not much of a theory, is it?

My point is that good counsellors know how to ask the right questions. They don't make leading statements.

Theory is wrong word

Well, logistically, they can't ALL, or even many, have mistresses unless either all the married women also have lovers or women outnumber men two to one. And even if it was true and widely known then everyone would expect that going into marriage, that is not the case in your marriage where you entered into it with the promise of monogamy and fidelity.

She listens. It wasn’t a leading statement but she definitely said it.
I was saying that there are many, many ways to break marriage vows

She may be qualified but she’s a fucking idiot.

What kind of twat spouts stereotypes as “facts”?!

There must be some stats online somewhere about the number of affairs in different countries.

But based on all the French married couples I know (a lot) it’s complete rubbish. Which shouldn’t even need pointing out tbh.

Well, it maybe more socially acceptable in France for French men to have a mistress, they certainly don't all.

Well that's a right load of old BATWANK.

I hope you're not paying for her stereotypical bollocks.

A good counsellor knows that making statements like this in situatiins where people could be extremely vulnerable is not a good idea.
What are you looking for here?

I’m not looking for anything here

Her comment just made me think and I thought it would be interesting to get opinions

Made you think what?
Get opinions about what?

I've been living in France for twenty years. Half my family is French. It is true that a lot of married men here have no qualms about flirting with women. To say however that all French men have a mistress is completely and totally ridiculous.

Not all do of course, but it is quite accepted as a relatively wide spread in France.

Doesn't make it right.

What did it make you think?

I’m French.
The attitude to ‘hav8ng an affair’ is completely different.
And so is the idea of falling in love.

Saying that all French men have a mistress is bollocks. And an affair is often the reason why people get divorced. (Even though a few of my friends would actually put being disrespectful and not oiling their weight at home BEFORE having an affair on the top reasons of getting divorced....)

I gather that your DH is French?
Was it a way to say that either affairs can be considered ok or that you should just accept it because it’s oart of his culture?