“All French men have a mistress”

[GertieMotherwell]

I’m currently receiving counselling following my DHs affair.

My counsellor said these words.

What an arse hole. I'm sure there are many many happily married French ment that would disagree with her massive generalisation. What a load of shit. I'd get a new one if I were you

Op, what is your opinion of the counsellors statement? Do you agree with it? What are the implications for your own life?

You can't just ask people to discuss things and stay silent yourself.

I’m not going to decide ‘it’s the French way’ at all. That’s not the life I want.

Sorry MorrisZapp

I’m not sure her statement has any implication on my own life tbh. She’s not just a marriage counsellor and that’s not the main reason I’m seeing her but obviously, my DHs affair has come up.
I have decided to stay with him because that’s what I want but fidelity is a big deal for me and if it’s happens again I will leave.

Her statement just surprised me and I have since found many articles online that support her statement. I acknowledge the word ‘All’ is wrong though.

We were talking in the context of how many people are in bad marriages but remain faithful as opposed to my own situation.

Oh the context makes your thread make more sense to me. When the decision is made, it's about finding different ways to think about/cope with what happened.

I hope so!

My DHs affair was some time ago but part of the process. I know I need to let it go and absolutely would not tolerate another affair. He knows this.

I’m seeing her for many reasons (she’s not specifically a relationship counsellor)

It's a useless statement, whether true or not.

Ask her what is her larger point ?

Well, by reading the mumsnet relationship threads, one could say most Englishmen have mistresses. There is thread after thread. My English aunt divorced her husband for that very reason. In the end, these things are the same the world over.

Ive had 2 French husbands. No 1 shagged his ex from the day I got pregnant quite literally but his it until after the divorce as he knew it was my deal breaker. No 2 will never have a mistress/affair/one night stand nor will any of his 3 male siblings.

A lot of French men screw around but the mistress as we understand it, is largely a myth.

There are very very few stay at home mothers in France which may have a bearing on this. DH says as many women as men have affairs. And social status and education have no bearing on this.

I've heard French men are renowned for having mistresses, or the practice is more widely accepted than in, say, the British culture.
That's not to say it's fact or so widespread that all French men in relationships have mistresses.

If you like your therapist, keep her. I wouldn't switch based purely on that comment.

The whole mistress thing is a throwback to the past when, in continental European countries such as France and Italy, due to Catholicism, it was much harder to get a divorce. So spouses that fell out tended to stay married and take lovers.

Traditionally it was just as hard to get a divorce in England.

The normal English solution (other that just staying unhappily married) was simply to separate while staying formally married, ie, Jude the Obscure, Arabella, Sue and Mr Phillotson.

I wasn’t saying it wasn’t difficult to divorce in the U.K. in the past - simply that Catholicism added a whole extra dimension we didn’t have. The Catholic Church did not permit divorce. You could only separate if a spouse was abusive. Even then you couldn’t get divorced, only an annulment, and for that you had to meet strict criteria which most people didn’t. You could only remarry if your previous marriage had been annulled. A divorcee who remarried couldn’t receive communion. So by and large French and Italians didn’t separate just stayed married and had lovers.

your counsellor is very unprofessional to give such a sweeping statement.

Having said that, I do know 3 french women who have all taken lovers (as one phrased it) at various times during their significant relationships. It seems to be fairly common for both men and women in France, or maybe it's the company i keep!