“All French men have a mistress”

[GertieMotherwell]

I’m currently receiving counselling following my DHs affair.

My counsellor said these words.

Yes Sue
He understands he was totally in the wrong.

I’m not going to discuss it with him.

“It made me think that different cultures have differing thoughts and priorities regarding relationships.”

Nope. Different people have different thoughts and priorities regarding relationships.

The British and the French are more similar than most of them like to think. (I’m English and married to a French man.)

I’ve already said it on this thread but I’ll say it again. I know a lot of French couples (family and friends) and none of them think cheating is OK.

The only couple I know that had an affair are splitting up because of it. And FWIW it was the woman who cheated.

Wow, I hope it's not true! I'm married to a Frenchman....
In my experience, french people's attitudes towards affairs are very similar than here with the exception that you're expected to not let the affair (or the aftermath!!) affect your professional life in any way.

What do you mean by not affecting professional life BrownLiverSpot?

Weird thing for a counsellor to day however the 3 French Men I’ve worked with all did

Gertie, I'm mainly basing that observation on the attitudes towards when politicians have been discovered to have an affair. They're not expected to resign but there seems to be a certain expectation that an affair should be conducted very discreetly. But I guess even that is slowly changing.

Maybe in my grandad’s generation. Time has moved on. Is your therapist French?

I know french men who've had affairs. My generalisation about them is that they were all bastards - and not just because they had an affair. I know many many more french men who are not bastards and have therefore never had affairs!!!

Nope.

“however the 3 French Men I’ve worked with all did”

Wow, 3 is such a large number, it must be representative of the whole population

overnightangel, flirting is a way of life in France. It's a game. It's also for the majority completely harmless.

I know a couple who have been together over twenty years with two children. Both have admitted to me they enjoy flirting form time to time but would NEVER consider straying as they are fully aware of how precious their relationship is and what they would potentially be destroying.

Yes Brownliverspot.
She did specifically mention politicians

OP, What implication does the great, mighty US of A having Trump as a president have on what is ok for your DH to get up to?

Yes what I'm saying is bizarre, but the normalisation of affairs in your relationship because 'french politians have them all the time' is also very bizarre

^Exactly. Politicians are hardly representative.

I think she mentioned politicians as a way of explaining that it’s more ‘acceptable’ in France.

The point here I see that it's a good idea to have a counsellor who isn't thick as mince.

You tend to get better results with that kind 😂

So you know all French politicians & their entire population Emma so your comment is more valid??

Presumably the counsellor has thrown it in as an idea for you to think about whether it's acceptable.

Now, unsubstantiated bollocks or universal truth, this was my reaction:

"I don't give a flying fuck what Pierre does, my marriage expectations were clearly of fidelity and it's not acceptable to me to be cheated on - lied to, betrayed".

So it's a "helpful" idea if I wasn't already fully aware that cheating is a deal breaker.

TBH though, I think your counsellor is a bit dim.

There is no evidence that French politicians have more affairs than any other group of similar men matched for everything except nationality. There really isn't.

What there is, is quite a lot of discussion about whether the French electorate consider that in deciding whether a politician should keep office.

Broadly speaking, there is a view that an affair can ruin a British politician's career, but not affect that of a French politician.

This doesn't mean that French wives don't mind their husbands having affairs, or that they're all at it.

It simply means it isn't as big an influence on the decisions of the electorate. A different view on personal vs official lives.

If your counsellor can't appreciate that, she's not very bright - and I wouldn't find a stupid counsellor helpful.

'All Arab men make their wives walk 3 steps behind them'.

1. - no, of course they don't all do that

2, - even if they did, would that mean you had to accept walking 3 steps behind your husband?

Your 'counsellor' sounds shit - many are. I'd stop it, if I were you - counselling can cause far more issues than it can ever 'solve', as you are sadly finding out.

Re: the politicians, if it’s so widely accepted, why were Mitterand’s mistress and daughter hidden from view until his death? Why weren’t Segolene Royal and Valerie Trierweiler trilling about how Francois Hollande had a side piece and they were completely fine with that?

* Broadly speaking, there is a view that an affair can ruin a British politician's career, but not affect that of a French politician.* Isn’t that largely because French privacy laws mean affairs are not widely known of outside fairly elite circles?

I definitely think affairs are more tolerated, but not all french men have mistresses. My dp doesnt and his grandad never did (which my dp thinks shows such strength of character and romance towards his nana lol) Ive noticed the frame of mind that it is certainly better to have an affair than leave a long standing marriage, especially if children are concerned.

Fizzy

Schnitzel makes a good point about the French privacy laws.

Find a different counsellor. She sounds arrogant.