Fiance posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout relationship

[Mummy8912]

Good morning everyone!
I have recently found out that my finance and partner of almost 3 years had been posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout the entirety of our relationship without my knowledge or consent.

I have a beautiful daughter (not his child) and following a harrowing divorce it had taken me a lot to trust anyone and let them into our lives. I came across different email addresses, in different names and confronted him, only to be lied to. I did some more digging to find out that he had been making friends with other creeps on forums and pornographic websites, messaging them, sometimes pretending to be me, other times "pimping me out" and listening to what people said they wanted to do me. I was called a slut, whore, you name it - by the man I trusted. I have cancelled our wedding and never want to see this man again.

I have not confided in my friends because I am very embarrassed. How did I not know that this was happening to me.

He is sorry, he is changed, he is seeking therapy. I have heard it all from him. The thought of him near me or my child makes my skin crawl.

I did not get the police involved because of his family, but I just don't know how you ever trust someone after this?

Help!

12345OnceCaughtAFish
tiptopteepe

"Revenge Porn is the sharing of private, sexual materials, either photos or videos, of another person without their consent and with the purpose of causing embarrassment or distress."

That's the legal definition. I think the onus is on the prosecution to prove intent to harm.

Yes Chrys2017 but, as I previously stated, "Abuse (and controlling behaviour IS abuse) is ALWAYS with the intent to cause distress". Can you answer my question about how do you know what his intentions were?

Well done for approachign the Police OP.

Rest assured, you will not be asked for 'genital' photos to prove if it's you

'revenge porn', also known as non-consensual pornography, where explicit sexual images of someone are distributed without their knowledge or consent.

Revenge porn or revenge pornography is the sexually explicit portrayal of one or more people that is distributed without their consent via any medium.[1] The sexually explicit images or video may be made by a partner of an intimate relationship with the knowledge and consent of the subject, or it may be made without his or her knowledge. Halder and Jaishankar (2013) define revenge porn as:[2]

I think it can be a reason for revenge porn but I think legally you would not need to prove the intent only that it was intentional and in knowledge that they did not have consent. Any sane human being would know that it would cause emotional distress to someone to share erotic content of them without them agreeing to it. So whatever reason he says he has shared those pics for it would still be considered revenge porn.

chrys He wasn't sharing the images "with the purpose of causing embarrassment or distress"... as usual, you pop up on a tread to ...what? Play Devil's advocate? You always seem to post stuff that is totally the opposite of 'supportive'.

And yes, he was sharing the photos - maybe without expressly causing distress - I doubt he thought of the OP or how it would 'distress or embarrass' her. Or thought of her at all, really. Other than how he can increase his control over her, and the saddoes on the internet, everyone.

12345OnceCaughtAFish I don't see how this qualifies as "controlling behaviour" when the OP came across this information purely by accident. In what way was this an attempt to control her behaviour?
I have no idea what his intentions were (and neither do you). As I said the onus would be on the prosecution to prove intent to harm.

Chrys2017 RTFT

OP these people can give you free advice
www.lac.qmul.ac.uk/advice/revenge-porn-free-legal-advice/index.html#
Really sorry this has happened to you.

"Section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015 creates an offence of disclosing private sexual photographs or films without the consent of an individual who appears in them and with intent to cause that individual distress.

The offence is known colloquially as "revenge pornography" and is a broad term, which usually refers to the actions of an ex-partner, who uploads onto the internet, or posts on a social networking site, or shares by text or email, intimate sexual images of the victim, to cause the victim humiliation or embarrassment.

The offence will cover anyone who re-tweets or forwards without consent, a private sexual photograph or film, if the purpose, or one of the purposes, was to cause distress to the individual depicted in the photograph or film, who had not consented to the disclosure. However, anyone who sends the message only because he or she thought it was funny would not be committing the offence."

(Crown Prosecution Service)

As I said in my original post, in Scotland (as of 2017) it is now an offence to distribute intimate/private materials without consent whether or not there is any intent to harm. My question was whether anyone knew if this law was also applicable in England. I cannot find any information that would suggest it is.

... In any case, OP is now taking advice from the police, which I think is the outcome we all wanted to see.

Thank you everyone, I am very grateful for the advice and support.

I hope you all have a great Christmas! xx

Right, so his mother is old and wants to save his family name. He should have about that before he posted the pictures.

He did this. Not you. Don’t let him get away with it. Report him to the police, and tell them about the controlling behaviour during the relationship too.

Remember, you did not do this.

Have you spoken to Women’s Aid at any time? They run a course, the freedom programme, it sounds you would benefit from it.

Oh, sorry, I missed a page.

Well done 👍

''Loads of women take nude photos of themselves or let their partners film them for fun. That is legal and pretty run of the mill in this day and age. It in no way means that it is okay to share those things without the specific consent of the participants. The law agrees with this.''

crikey, if I ever find myself single, Im going to be a very disappointing GF for a lot of men, indeed likley to remain single !! pictures, videos--not on your nelly!!! you only have to read threads like this to make you realise that it can go very sour.

I don't think this is "revenge porn", though, is it? He wasn't sharing the images "with the purpose of causing embarrassment or distress"

Unfortunately the same happened to me when my ex sent naked pics of myself to his OW ... and the above is what I was told by the police

The point seemed to be that, for a successful prosecution, they'd need to prove an intent to cause distress, and since he'd obviously have denied it this was considered to be impossible

Luckily that didn't stop him receiving a visit from a PC, who obviously chose his word carefully but still put the fear of god up him ...

Apologies that was never my intention. I hope she gets the police involved cause what he done is sick. I meant as in if the police could do anything if she knew about the videos. Really sorry op if it came across wrong

Don't worry :)
You would be surprised how much thicker my skin has got now I know half of the internet have seen me naked. I haven't taken any comments, negative or otherwise personally.

Op how can you be sure your face is not in the pictures or videos? Surely it is difficult to film someone’s body only. These were pics and videos he took of you not what you took and sent him, is that right?

This is a serious offence. Go to the police.

What an absolute barstard he is! I'd report it to the police you might prevent some other poor woman having the same treatment meted out to her:(

What a horrible thing to do. I hope you will make a proper report of this, if only to give him a well-needed kick. Vile, vile man.

I’m glad you’ve contacted a friend in the police OP. DH is in computer security and always says that the internet is forever. OP -
Please take this further. Just because he’s deleted his copies online, it doesn’t not mean that someone else hasn’t copied it and shared it elsewhere. It’s a disgusting violation of trust - he probably still has copies. Report officially and throw the bloody book at him. 💐 for you - what a shit

Call the Police and report this dangerous filthy SCUM...

If you cannot see how you have and continue to be Violated... then FFS do it for the woman who will come after you ..... stop them being abused by this Filth....