Fiance posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout relationship

[Mummy8912]

Good morning everyone!
I have recently found out that my finance and partner of almost 3 years had been posting explicit photos and videos of me throughout the entirety of our relationship without my knowledge or consent.

I have a beautiful daughter (not his child) and following a harrowing divorce it had taken me a lot to trust anyone and let them into our lives. I came across different email addresses, in different names and confronted him, only to be lied to. I did some more digging to find out that he had been making friends with other creeps on forums and pornographic websites, messaging them, sometimes pretending to be me, other times "pimping me out" and listening to what people said they wanted to do me. I was called a slut, whore, you name it - by the man I trusted. I have cancelled our wedding and never want to see this man again.

I have not confided in my friends because I am very embarrassed. How did I not know that this was happening to me.

He is sorry, he is changed, he is seeking therapy. I have heard it all from him. The thought of him near me or my child makes my skin crawl.

I did not get the police involved because of his family, but I just don't know how you ever trust someone after this?

Help!

Police. Now.

CALL THE POLICE!! This is a crime!

I'm so sorry, what a total bastard he is.

She's had him delete everything. I am sure the police could find it all, but not sure if they'd honestly put in the manpower to do it.

How was he online taking orders and then showing the creeps your moves? Surely you'd hear the requests?

Sorry this has happened to you. I have no words of wisdom I’m sorry but offering a hand hold

OMG please go to the police. You cant let him get away with that. He will go on to do it to other women.

You are right - I just didn't want to prolong it anymore I think. The kind of sick people he has been sharing them with will no doubt have them forever, he always only ever used his phone - no access to computer. I am not sure, even if the police took his phone and deleted every trace of what he had, I would ever get rid of everything because of what has been circulated and sent. It has been such a rough couple of weeks and I am back to trying to cope alone, working a hard full time job with my little one. I am more shocked - I have always thought I was a reasonable judge of character and I just never suspected this for a second. Also - right again - he is only sorry because he has been caught, he would still be doing this to me if I didn't find out and I would have likely married the bastard!

He was doing it on evenings he stayed out at "football" and during the day. messaging me lovely messages and on the other hand sharing my most intimate pictures online. Then coming home and acting like an ideal husband to be!

Have a friend this happened too, police now involved and will be arresting. Please report OP to protect other women from same

I’m so sorry this happened to you. . I also think you should call the police. There will most likely still be a lot of images out there of you copied onto other websites and downloaded onto people’s hard drives.

This is a massive violation of your trust. It is you and your dd that you should be concerned about. Not his family. What would you say if your dd one day comes across images of you online and you tell have to her you didn’t report it?

OP. This is NOTE remotely normal. The only saving grace is that you found out before your wedding. Your ex is one sick fucker. It wrong on so many levels. I get you take photos and vids in the privacy of a trusted relationship. Lots of couples do it. This does not even remotely allow anyone to share them. You are not at fault in the least.

The only comfort I can offer you is that there really are nice guys out there. Respectful and caring. Intelligent and articulate. Some of them even have the added bonus of being attractive.

@Mummy8912 yes, it is beyond awful, and I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please be assured though that it is NOT normal. The majority of people who consent to pics/vids being taken for private use do not have their trust violated like this. It's often pointed out on here that you can end up with a skewed perception of men because the posts are usually involving complete bastards and because people in happy, trusting relationships don't have cause to ask advice/need to vent on a forum. Honestly it's not normal and the vast majority of men would not do this. Whether you report to the police or not it may be worth trying to seek support to help you work through this. Rape crisis may be able to help, I know it is not rape as such but they will have knowledge of this and if they can't help directly they may be able to signpost you to someone who can.

Call the police and report him! To stop him doing it to someone else!! He is a danger to women!

Can you trust him when he says he has deleted all the images? What if he still has the images on file somewhere, or has emailed them to himself? He could start doing it again in a few months time?
I think I would involve the police for this reason, as it's more likely to frighten him into never doing it again.
What a cunt.

Thank you all, so much. Having kept this to myself I just needed reassurance this was not my fault and that I have made the correct choice in ending a relationship, which was in fact all built on lies!
There will never be an excuse for what he has done to me, I know that.

Unfortunately you are right, him deleting his copies is meaningless.

They are out there know and lots of people will have them. You have no control.

All you can do is know you let them be taken in good faith and he violated your trust and shared without your knowledge and if ever approached be honest about that.

I do echo the police though.

No, I cannot trust him. Even when he said they were all gone, I asked him to send me the one he had posted post recently and he sent it to me via message - I did get his family involved and asked them to make sure he deleted them, but he is a pathological liar, I do think my only choice is the police, even if it stops him from doing this to someone else.

Oh God how awful. I'm so glad you found out before you married him.

You're not alone though, there are organisations that can help you voic.org.uk/

www.safeline.org.uk/revenge-porn-what-it-means-for-the-victim-and-the-offender/

I was raped when I was 17. I didn't report it. THEY went on to rape another 2 women. The 3rd woman reported it and the men were charged and sent to prison.

I am 57 now, and not a single day goes by that I don't think about it and regret not reporting what happened. I could have saved those 2 other women. The 2nd woman committed suicide because of the rape.

I also wonder how many others they raped, but got away with.

What has happened to you is truly awful, but you may regret, one day, being so forgiving.

Before anyone jumps on me 'forgiving' is the wrong description.

I should have put lenient.

He's not even a good liar. If he thought it would be OK, why did he lie about it at first when challenged? You do need to involve the police, if only to stop him doing this to someone else.

As to trusting someone else - I just don't know. There definitely are loads of good men out there who wouldn't dream of doing something like this, and for your own sake you need to realise that. But I can absolutely see how difficult it will be after an experience like this.

Killerfiller again, you may not have meant to but your post comes across as victim blaming. Please educate yourself.

what are you talking about killerfiller!! What utter drivel. Of course the police will do something, its illegal to do this, its a crime. It doesnt matter if your sex life has been 'experimental'.

Yuck you sound like an absolute rape apologist. Sort yourself out.