On my way to go get dumped

[callmehannahbaker]

I'm on the bus to go see my boyfriend, all was good until about a week ago.
I have BPD and have recently started working again and am in the process of moving house.
This has meant I've not been practicing my emotional regulation and distress tolerance techniques enough and got down and needy.
Boyfriend is quite new and although he is fully aware that I have BPD I think because I was mainly in control before it has come as a shock and he's realised he can't deal with it.

I'm going to have to deal with this and get my head around the fact that BPD and relationships just don't work for me and I'll have to be single forever.

Sorry for ranting, having a little cry on the bus and needed to do something.

Is he actively using tinder or just on it?

He's admitted he was on it a few weeks ago.

I'm so exhausted with Christmas, work and moving house. My skin is falling off and I can feel a psoriasis flare starting. I'm trying to hold things together and not quite managing.

He messaged yesterday saying he really doesn't want to fall out. I called after work and he just chatted like normal-which was obviously nice but not truthful.

I also have the same diagnosis and relationships really are difficult I know they are. Fortunately I am in a loving relationship and my medication helps but still sometimes it takes over making me question things. This man sounds like he does like you but not enough. Especially the fact he was online dating hints he doesn’t have that much respect for you. I wish I could help you because I know how you feel and it really is not nice.

I thought you had blocked him? But your still messaging him and talking to him? Things won’t get easier when you are still allowing him to mess with your head.

Just read this op, although I don't have an "official" diagnosis (I.E on my medical records), I have BPD & all relationships I've had have been absolute train wrecks because of it.

Although my most recent has been quite the opposite although due to various reasons have had to go NC.

I sympathise with you!

Sorry if I've missed this bit, how long were you together op.
I'm sorry you're feeling crap.

I never said I'd blocked him-that was advice from others. I can never block people. Once they're in, they're in.

Feeling very down today

He will text morning, every morning, ask how I slept then text after work to ask how my day is. I reply and ask back and he doesn't answer. Miss him.

You could be less passive about this. Of course you could block him.

So stop replying yourself. Really stop. I know it’s hard, but you’re not helping yourself.

We're swapping presents (already bought and have stuff for children) on Sunday.

Yes, I'm shite at stopping contact-but I've stopped making it first and that is really good for me.

It may seem passive to not be able to block someone but things like that cause huge physical symptoms with me and I can't do it right now.

He's got you on a string love. The only way you're going to break free is to cut the string and block him.

Can't you see that his treatment of you is cruel? He's finished with you but apparently is still keeping you in limbo. If he cared for you he wouldn't do this.

I just called him out on it.

He apparently needs to know I'm ok and can't just cut me off.

It's understandable after him knowing me getting suicidal.

I've asked him to stop though and said it's like dangle my a string in front of me.

He replied:

I understand

Okay so now block him and try to move on.

I don't see how his concern for your welfare needs to extend to him giving you presents and therefore confusing / upsetting you.

He just rang and we spoke for an hour and a half-not about us, just day to day stuff. It was lovely

I think he might change his mind if we keep talking.

I've asked him to stop though and said it's like dangle my a string in front of me.

So he understands - but called you half an hour later to keep contact up as high as ever . And you're after that string like nobody's business.

I think he needs to tell you if he still wants to be with you. You need to make him tell you one way or the other. Not least because while you're in contact with him you hope the situation will resolve. And it will take much longer for you to feel better if it doesn't.

Oh lovely he's not changing his mind he's being very selfish and cruel. You're prolonging the pain by continuing contact.

Okay tough love incoming:

As my mother used to say, frame yourself!

He's not going to change his mind.
He is deliberately messing with your head.
He has you on a string and he's enjoying it.
You NEED to face up to this or it will only get worse.

Self respect is necessary here - block him or you will be at his mercy until he gets bored.

He won’t change his mind.
As above, you need to have some self respect, you need to cut contact or it’s going to totally mess your head up. If he wanted to be with you he would be, he’s playing you.