Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

On my way to go get dumped

138 replies

callmehannahbaker · 12/12/2017 09:20

I'm on the bus to go see my boyfriend, all was good until about a week ago.
I have BPD and have recently started working again and am in the process of moving house.
This has meant I've not been practicing my emotional regulation and distress tolerance techniques enough and got down and needy.
Boyfriend is quite new and although he is fully aware that I have BPD I think because I was mainly in control before it has come as a shock and he's realised he can't deal with it.

I'm going to have to deal with this and get my head around the fact that BPD and relationships just don't work for me and I'll have to be single forever.

Sorry for ranting, having a little cry on the bus and needed to do something.

OP posts:
NachoAddict · 12/12/2017 13:11

Hope you are ok OP!

Concentrate on your new job for awhile until you are feeling in control again and re think relationships then.

Original poster
callmehannahbaker · 12/12/2017 13:36

Sorry I can't reply individually, thank you for all your lovely messages.

Just on the first bus back.

He wants to try be friends even though I told him I don't think I can do that without getting stalkerish and crazy.

He said it isn't mentally capable to keep me afloat as well as his DS (he's a single dad). He was lovely-I said everything I could. It's just not meant to happen.

Need to not go mad now x

OP posts:
lottieandmia22 · 12/12/2017 13:39

So sorry OP :( you will be ok. You need someone who can accept you for who you are in the bad times as well as the good xxx

Sullabylullaby · 12/12/2017 13:42

Aw, that's crap. But at least you know. Try to keep calm if you can.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 12/12/2017 14:25

I don't really have any advice as I'm not very clued up on BPD. I hope you are okay though.

suchislife44 · 12/12/2017 14:34

As with all of us there is someone out there that will accept and love you for you... with whom you 'fit'. You sound as though you gave great insight into your mh and that accounts for alot. I believe that knowing/ understanding ourselves, strengths and limitations is the strongest foundation one can have in regards to developing a healthy relationship. Try to enjoy the rest of your day. Do something you enjoy and try not to ruminate. Take care

ElephantsandTigers · 12/12/2017 15:47

Talk to us if you feel you need to message him.

Original poster
callmehannahbaker · 12/12/2017 16:00

I've already been messaging him. The last I said was that I think I'm giving myself false hope.

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 12/12/2017 16:16

I don’t know how your illness works (can it be called an illness?) but can you maybe delete his number so you cannot message him? You will only be making things harder for yourself I imagine. Instead of messaging him come and put a post on here.

Addictedtothisbloodyforum · 12/12/2017 16:23

Bpd is really really awful . Please try and not bombard him with texts etc give him some space and if he loves you he will come back to you . He won't come back if you bombard him with messages xx

Skarossinkplunger · 12/12/2017 16:30

As someone who has been in a relationship with someone with BPD it can be very intense, I struggled for a long time dealing with it before I knew I had to leave. If I’d had a child as well I know I certainly wouldn’t have had the strength to be emotionally available for him and a child.

You sound as if you normally do very well at staying mentally healthy and while it can seem very raw at the moment it’s important you look after yourself at the moment.

UbiquityTree · 12/12/2017 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
callmehannahbaker · 12/12/2017 16:44

He is messaging me too-I'm not going mad-it's all very calm

OP posts:
Sullabylullaby · 12/12/2017 16:51

Protect yourself though. Try to accept that it's over.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 12/12/2017 16:53

It really doesn’t matter what he wants.

You need to prioritise your MH not his wishes.

You told us when you were on the way over to see him that YOU need him to remove you from his phone & social media. I know it’s really hard, but I strongly suggest you bite the bullet here and send him one final text along the lines of ‘I cannot be friends with you. For me it’s all or nothing. I’m sorry it’s turned out like this & I wish you all the best, but please don’t contact me again as trying to ‘be friends’ is really bad for my MH’

BrokenBattleDroid · 12/12/2017 16:54

Good advice to use this is an outlet instead of messaging him.

Even write the texts to him but just post them here instead if that helps, that way at least you've 'said' what you wanted to.

Lovemusic33 · 12/12/2017 17:06

I agree with what others have said, what he’s doing ‘saying he wants to be friends’ is cruel as it will give you false hope. I think your best to call it a day and not contact him, I know it’s hard but it means you can move on and concentrate on your mental health. I have been in this situation before, cutting contact is hard but not as hard as dragging things Out hoping one day he will change his mind.

Cabininthewoods69 · 12/12/2017 17:14

Your braver and stronger then you realise. I wouldn't have gone to see him just text saying it's over as I'm a coward. Fair play to you. And all the best with your new job and house, sounds exciting

Jux · 12/12/2017 17:17

I do agree with AnnieAnoniMouse, I really think that’s the safest way to proceed, if you can get yourself to do it. Can you block him? On everything.

Otherwise, as BrazenBattleDroid suggests, post everything here rather than to him.

You know that he can’t be with you, and you need to keep reminding yourself of that. You can do it, op, believe in yourself. You will meet the one who fits another time.concentrate on job and move.

Original poster
callmehannahbaker · 12/12/2017 17:20

I don't want to. I love him.

I know I sound like a petulant child-I'm sorry.

He might change his mind though.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 12/12/2017 17:28

He might but chances are he won’t, he feels guilty which is why he wants to stay friends Sad.

You can get support on here (mumsnet has been a life saver for me).

I would message him and suggest that he gives you space to concentrate on your mental health and not to keep texting. If there’s a chance of getting back together he will step away for a few weeks. If he doesn’t come back after a few weeks you know he wasn’t that interested in the first place.

I know being in a relationship with someone can be hard work, I have been that person but if you really love someone enough you will support them through it or give them space if that’s what they need.

Poisongirl81 · 12/12/2017 17:31

How long were you together?

ClaryFray · 12/12/2017 17:44

Hugs.

Block everything. And delete his number. I did after the end of my relationship. He's still message, but I was able to have a civil conversation. Then when done delete the messages and move on again. No chance to dial or text then. Hugs

Iooselipssinkships · 12/12/2017 18:39

Op. I have BPD and thought a lot similar but there is always one that will break the cycle. It does happen and it will happen. Maybe it just takes us a bit longer.
Hope everything turns out alright and that it wasn't what you were thinking.

TDHManchester · 12/12/2017 21:31

Mulch..Theres a lid for every pot.

I love this :)

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread